Seven Ethos coaches, clinicians, and owners took the 11:00am total body strength class with us civilians today. It changed the vibe altogether. They’re just like the rest of us (but they lift heavier weight); they are human. They believe in their work and mission to make us healthier. They walk the talk. They motivate me to keep going.

Last week I attended a creativity gathering where the facilitator disclosed personal stories as he reflected our own disclosures back to us. He made it safe for us to be open, to explore the origins of our passion with the group. He was one of us, even as he led us from the front.

Consider leaders whom you trust, who make it safe to admit mistakes, give honest feedback, and present constructive criticism to make the team better. What qualities do they embody to create a culture where we can each and all flourish? I have some ideas:

Walk the Talk

Lead by example. If I’m asking you to tell the truth, I had better do it first. If I’m asking you to be curious, open minded, non-judgmental, and a team player, how can I expect it of you if I don’t model it as your leader? We all know lip service when we hear it. Even if I struggle with the skills I aim to model, seeing me put forth the effort signals my integrity. We respect and follow leaders who exhibit humility and grit.

Get On the Ground

I try never to ask anything of a team member that I would not be willing to do myself in their place. We don’t trust leaders who separate themselves from those they lead by keeping their hands clear and clean from the dirty work on the ground, directing from far and on high. Disconnected leaders more likely lack empathy and understanding; they may be less likely to consider the real and direct impact of their decisions on others. You cannot know me until you meet me in my context. You can lead me more effectively if you know me. So get down here with me, see what I see. Feel it with me.

Be Present, Check In

While pulling the rope of mission onward, with the team, from the front, we leaders can really be with the people pulling with us, at our direction. We can observe their dynamics, feel the vibration on the ground. What’s going on in their lives outside of this pulling? How are they affected by the nested environments of organization, profession, and geopolitical tumult? When we ask these questions we must be fully present, honestly curious. People can tell when we’re not listening and don’t really care. It doesn’t take much to engender or erode trust and camaraderie; and it’s a significant act/practice of self-regulation, to turn off our inner diaglogue and attune fully to the person in front of us, on their terms. The rewards of making this connection, regularly and repeatedly, are priceless and lasting.

Ask More Before Directing

Leaders must problem solve. How many relevant questions do our leaders ask, and how well do they understand the full scope and complexities of the problems, before they start commanding and controlling? I observe not many. The best leaders ask the most open and honest questions. Their curiosity is genuine; their problem solving starts with query and connection before bias and assumption. Good questions answered honestly inevitably lead to more questions; insights emerge and the best solutions arise from clarity and comprehension of the whole, interconnected picture.

Own Your Shit

Accountability of leadership is key for organizational effectiveness, and everywhere I see it lacking. Leaders are human just like the rest of us. They make mistakes. They juggle competing interests and navigate complex environments of personnel, finances, and public relations, among others. The moment they dismiss, deflect, blame, or whine, our trust frays. We don’t need martyrs. We just need leaders who can look us in the eye and say, “I fucked up. Here is how I will make it right.”

What else? What kind of leadership are you experiencing, admiring, tolerating, and bemoaning today? How can we each be better leaders from any chair in our orchestras, to make a useful contribution?

It completely slipped my mind to post here last night! I was too excited for the end of my workweek and felt compelled to write jar smiles, as it had been a few days. It’s like a mild addiction, writing those little love notes. Happy Friday, friends.