The Lunar Year of the Fire Horse arrives this Tuesday, February 17. Happy New Year, my friends.
I’ve thought about this post for a couple weeks now, reflecting on power and grace, two attributes of horses that I admire and wish to manifest in 2026 and beyond.
Power Brené Brown and others distinguish between power to and power over. We all have power to–to act, influence, resist, etc.–to various degrees in certain contexts. But not everybody has power over, and right now in the US we witness our government exercising its power over people and systems in brutal and unconscionable ways. Consider those in authority who have exercised power over you–parents, teachers, bosses, administrators, police–we know when they wield their power abusively. It is an intuitive and visceral knowing, whether we admit it or not.
So as concerned members of society, called to stand up for our fellow humans getting traumatized on a daily basis, where does our power to lie, as individuals, groups, and communities? Peaceful protest is one. Also “grassroots guerilla support systems”, as novelist and poet JP Greene calls them. He writes further in last week’s newsletter, Stomaching the American Lie, “It looks like local butcher shops feeding people for free when SNAP benefits get cut. It looks like neighbors getting to know neighbors and community gardens and mutual aid networks and communities that guard and teach and raise up their children collectively.” Where could it lie that we haven’t noticed?
No one will be surprised when I submit that our power to also lies in connection across difference. The polarization we witness that stems from the most extreme voices on any topic feels insurmountable. Those of us on either side who recognize the nuggets of truth among our opposition’s positions may feel powerless to change the prevailing narrative on our own side that demonizes and dehumanizes the other–a narrative that benefits nobody. To dissent feels like an exercise in futility.
Connecting across difference and finding the ‘you have a point’ moments feels like giving power away, no? But concensus, however small, builds power and momentum to move and merge attitudes and then policy meaningfully. It requires patience, humility, openness, empathy, and honesty. How many of us view these traits as strong, as conferring power to those who wield them? If we think in terms of power over, then humility and empathy can feel weak. But if we wish to engage and challenge civilly, to explore, invite, and nudge people to loosen their strongly held biases and rigid positions, to change the narrative on both sides from ‘vanquish the enemy’ to ‘get to work and solve problems for real now’, then humility, patience, empathy, honesty, and integrity may be the most powerful skills we can call forth. These are the heaviest tools of power to when it comes to effecting consequential human change.
Grace Few animals evoke a sense of gracefulness more than horses. Their anatomy and movements are a wonder to behold. How can we emulate this essence in our own being, in service to one another? What does it mean to be graceful, and to ‘give others grace’? What does this grace feel like in our bodies?
Consider elite ballet dancers and master diplomats, arguably the most physically and verbally graceful among us. How do they train? What traits do they present? Commitment. Discipline. Consistency. Perseverance. Core stability and strength, flexibility, and agility. Mental, physical, and relational resilience. Graceful people exude groundedness and focus. Their nervous systems are both regulated and responsive, alert and attuned, yet slow to agitation and impulsivity. Their energy de-escalates those around them. They exemplify ‘strong back, soft front‘. They move with fluidity and make it look easy, and we want to follow. To exert influence with such minimal apparent effort, to possess such efficiency of energy for impact–that is grace.
Power and grace are analogous to strong back, soft front, which is how I wish to live. Unassailable principles and core values rooted in honesty and integrity, presenting as openness and invitation to connection and relationship. The latter entails vulnerability, which requires courage, which is a form of strength and power. These qualities all intersect and mutually amplify in a personal ethical ecosystem that thrives on the exponential synergy of human connection. How inspiring!
How do we choose to move forward this Fire Horse Year, in our own lives and as a collective? Besides power and grace, what other energies do you wish to exude? How will living this way benefit you and those around you? When we look back at the dawn of the Fire Goat Year in 2027, how will we say we have lived?
What is the core ethos of the people you follow? Why do you follow them? What do they validate for you? What do they criticize that validates you? What about their ethos/opinion/position may harm others? How do you monitor for this? How do you reconcile it? I ask this of myself and all of us.
How does this all influence how we show up in the world–the good and the harm that we do? How intentional is our presence, are our words and in/actions? What is our impact?
Who keeps the collective ethos in any group? “It’s the leaders, stupid,” my snarky and cynical mind says.
Government? Yes. At all levels. Law enforcement. Medical professionals. Business leaders (sadly, I have to say, in many, many cases). Teachers. Parents! Thought leaders from Confucious to Simon Sinek liken public leadership to parenting. Friends. Peers. Customer service representatives and call center agents.
It’s everybody! Anyone who makes regular contact with fellow humans has a hand on the wheel of or shared life bus. We all keep our collective ethos of culture and attitude, of what we accept, dismiss, and tolerate, know it, like it, want it or not.
This is what it means to lead from ANY CHAIR, and it’s more important now than ever that we each step up and own our part in everything that happens around us. Stop with the platitudes, the rote responses in answer to any question, the oversimplified, blaming, shaming, judging, and tribalist rhetoric that shuts down civil discourse or worse, escalates conflict and division.
What we say matters. What we do, how we show up, how we make others feel, how we manage ourselves, our emotions and reactions–we are all called now to be better.
It all matters.
So please breathe more deeply, regulate yourself, and be more aware, intentional, and responsible for yourself and your impact on the world.
Get help for your feelings if you need it, from people and practices that soothe your nervous system and make you better for the next human you meet and the rest of us after that.
Find connecting and constructive rather than dividing and destructive avenues to express and advance your values. Try harder to see the validity of others’ values and how they prioritize them.
Practice empathy and generosity. Look for role models, see how they do it, then query and emulate them.
BE the change that moves us toward de-escalation, connection, and shared humanity.
I’ll answer my own questions here. How will you answer for yourself?
What is the core ethos of the people I follow? RELATIONSHIP IS THE FOUNDATION OF EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS. We are all connected and are responsible for one another’s well-being, one way or another. When everything we do stems from this fundamental truth, we act more humbly, respectfully, and effectively. Simon Sinek. Brené Brown. Braver Angels. Builders. Benjamin Zander. Richard Rohr. Fr. James Martin. Barack and Michelle Obama. When we come together, we can do anything. Why do I follow them? Because they give me courage. They show me evidence that this ethos of ours is valid, necessary, and valuable, despite all those telling me it’s pointless and a waste of energy, that you can’t change people, that ‘the others’ are hopeless and unworthy of my time or attention. The people I follow demonstrate openness, curiosity, humility, kindness, and a willingness to have their own minds changed. They own their faults and failings out loud and visibly. They lead by example of integrity and inspire me to do the same. What do they validate for me? See above. What do they criticize that validates me? Oversimplification. Dehumanization. Closed mindedness. Inflexibility and denial of valid perspectives other than my own. Their criticisms also apply to themselves, and so force me to apply to myself all the standards to which I hold others. They criticise self-aggrandizement and shaming, ad hominem and counterproductive speech and rhetoric. What about their ethos/opinion/position may harm others? This is a hard one. We never want to see our heroes as doing harm. Thinking of myself and my own words and actions and then comparing to my chosen leaders, I can find times when we have all been more closed minded than we preach. More judgmental and rigid, forceful and non-inclusive. We are human, after all, perfectly imperfect. So the harm we do may be to turn others off from our ethos when they see us not walking the talk–to disconnect rather than connect. And every virtue has its shadow. Hyperfixation on a single point or practice of any ethos may risk excluding adjacent but different practices, leaving little room for nuance and flexibility, adjustments for context and circumstances. Whenever we overindex on a core value and lose sight of potential conflicts and competing interests, we may harm relationships through lack of understanding, poor empathy, and estrangement, which is the opposite of our core ethos. How do you monitor for this? I ask around. My inner circle keeps me honest and in my integrity. I connect regularly with those I trust, who hold differing opinions and values prioritized differently, whether they feel seen, heard, and understood by me. I listen for harm they experience from ‘my side’. How do you reconcile it? I remember that we are all human, and passion makes us act impulsively. We are, at our core,IRrational, highly emotional creatures, still evolutionarily driven for survival, and survival for prey animals hinges on belonging. This means inclusion, safety, shared identity, and protection or even aggression against threats from ‘others,’ especially those perceived (often sub/unconcsiously) as predators. I look for fear and the sources of fear at the bottom of that aggression, and try to muster empathy for that. And then when I see someone I follow consistently causing harm, I stop following.
We are all called. Let us answer together. It’s easier and better that way.
Anybody else feeling deeply conflicted and fatigued right now?
It’s getting late and I still have to prepare for the workweek ahead. Lots of exciting movement and connection on the Book front, and so many ideas for future posts on the Crowns Trilogy (binged books two and three again last weekend) and Heart of Champions, a movie Son and I eagerly watched together that speaks to everything I espouse about teamwork. So much to dissect about humanity and leadership–which all applies to what’s going on in our country right now. Awesome–I will dig in soon! But for now I’m just tired and overwhelmed.
Please find below an update from last week’s post and a compilation of what agitates me and gives me hope (mostly the latter).
I will try to muster something more coherent and thoughtful next week, friends. ODOMOBaaT.
Friend J, my staunchly conservative high school classmate, and I spoke on the phone for 90 minutes on Tuesday. We agreed more than we disagreed, though our disagreements loom heavily on my consciousness. I always feel connected and reassured after my calls with Red voting friends. But disappointment and frustration inevitably set in later when I realize they seem wholly unmoved by my thoughtful, well-reasoned, and well-articulated arguments. HA! I suspect they may feel the same… or maybe they feel sorry for me, or dismiss my concerns as delusional and irrelevant. I wonder if they fear I do the same to them? Somehow I doubt it, though I know people on both sides who do this, which shoots us all in the collective civil discourse foot. I realize as I write this, how I truly may not understand and cannot relate to a conservative ethos. Or rather, I can understand it intellectually but cannot relate limbically, where it counts. Regardless, I’m grateful for my conservative friends who are still willing to connect. Three more actively reached out to me this week and I have two dates on the books this month, one that will involve cooking together, which I especially look forward to.
Thank you to all who provided feedback on last week’s post, including comments here, texts, emails, or replies on social media. I had not expected such an energetic response, and it means so much to me to receive such earnest engagement. I hope we may all continue the important, uncomfortable, and grappling conversations, in service of connection and de-escalation.
Federal immigration and border patrol abductions cause active, direct, and mortal harm to people. The lack of due process prevents any kind of record or recourse for their medical care, the morbidity and mortality of which boggles the mind. That our federal government is the original perpetrator of such traumatic pain and suffering to so many, regardless of immigration status, is beyond egregious. Racial profiling resulting in violently forceful detainment, separating parents from their terrified and then unattended children, rightly causes people of color (because this isn’t happening to white people), regardless of immigration or citizen status, to avoid leaving their homes, forgoing necessary medical care (eg labor and delivery, wound care, cancer care). It’s sickening and makes me rage. Hear from a veteran physician in Minnesota as she lists case after case:
It’s about our shared humanity, my friends. I wrote to my libertarian friend tonight, “The more I perceive this administration actively, directly, and mortally harming people with less and less accountability, the harder it is to accept anyone’s argument for having voted for it. The direct human costs (as I and so many perceive them) for whatever broader economic or ideological gains is just too high and unacceptable.” ICE and border patrol treat people ‘way worse than any other law enforcement agents; they follow no standards for respecting people’s rights, human or otherwise, and act with impunity and violence. The officers who shot Alex Pretti continued to work for days afterward, moved elsewhere ‘for their safety’–as if they were not a danger to anyone based on their shooting of an unarmed man. Even now it’s unclear what kind of investigation will take place, and whether it will be objective or trustworthy in any meaningful way. Does any legitimate law enforcement agency operate with this profound lack of oversight and accountability?
My heart rate, blood pressure and nausea rise even as I write this. ODOMOBaaT.
Senate vote on 6-bill package for government funding, 1-29-2026, from Instagram
What Gives Me Hope
From Politico, January 29, 2026: “Eight Republicans joined every Senate Democrat to block sweeping government funding legislation from advancing Thursday amid ongoing negotiations around a potential offramp to avert a lengthy shutdown of several agencies. The Senate voted 55-45 against moving forward with a six-bill package that would fund, among other things, the departments of Homeland Security, State and Health and Human Services, as well as the Pentagon.”
From Justice Patrick Schiltz, Chief Judge of the District Court of Minnesota, a Bush appointee and former clerk for the late Antonin Scalia, in an order filed January 28, 2026: “…That does not end the Court’s concerns, however. Attached to this order is an appendix that identifies 96 court orders that ICE has violated in 74 cases. The extent of ICE’s noncompliance is almost certainly substantially understated. This list is confined to orders issued since January 1, 2026, and the list was hurriedly compiled by extraordinarily busy judges. Undoubtedly, mistakes were made, and orders that should have appeared on this list were omitted. This list should give pause to anyone—no matter his or her political beliefs—who cares about the rule of law. ICE has likely violated more court orders in January 2026 than some federal agencies have violated in their entire existence. The Court warns ICE that future noncompliance with court orders may result in future show‐cause orders requiring the personal appearances of Lyons or other government officials. ICE is not a law unto itself. ICE has every right to challenge the orders of this Court, but, like any litigant, ICE must follow those orders unless and until they are overturned or vacated.” [boldface added by me–cc]
Braver Angels and the Builders Movement:
Braver Angels will host “a National Webinar on America’s Deportation Policythis Friday, February 6th, from 8:00 – 9:30 pm ET. We will both be panelists—along with Congressman Brian Fitzpatrick (R-PA), Congressman Tom Suozzi (D-NY), Gaby Pacheco, Peter Skerry, David Izquierdo, and Jorge Pineda. We will get into all the issues involved, and most importantly, we’ll explore how America climbs down from this scary confrontation and get to what we need as a nation: cooperation!” I am registered to attend. I hope to see some of you there.
Take the time to read and watch this collaborative Facebook post from Builders with Helene Biandudi Hofer, journalist and co-founder of The Good Conflict with journalist and author of High ConflictAmanda Ripley (I highly recommend this well-researched, well-written, and practical book): “Why Republicans backed a Democrat in this small town… In a town where red dominates and Democrats rarely run, respected Republicans supported a Democratic candidate. Leadership had stalled, decisions were made on autopilot, and the town seemed to be coasting instead of planning for the future. Joe Lamanna ran on showing up—joining boards, serving as chair, and engaging with neighbors. He focused on the work, the people, and the community, not the left-right divide. Some criticized him; others recognized his competence and dedication. He didn’t win, but the results were striking: nearly half the vote and far better performance than previous Democratic candidates. Beyond the numbers, the campaign sparked conversations and connections that had been dormant for years. Neighbors started talking, sharing ideas, and reconsidering assumptions. It’s a reminder that local politics doesn’t have to mirror national division. Change starts with participation—showing up, asking questions, and engaging with your community. Even small actions can shift the conversation and open space for progress.” Here is the Instagram link if you don’t use Facebook.
“A “recent CBS poll found 59% support deporting people who are in the U.S. illegally, but only 37% approve of how deportations are being handled.
That tells us something important: People want enforcement AND accountability. So here’s a question for you If enforcement is going to happen, should it follow the same basic rules we expect of any law enforcement agency? Here are some nonpartisan, practical reforms many Americans across parties are talking about. Do you agree or disagree?
1. No anonymous agents Require visible identification for ICE officers. No masks. No mystery. If someone has government authority, the public should know who they are.
2. Independent investigations after deaths or serious injuries Federal agencies shouldn’t investigate themselves. Independent oversight builds trust, especially after fatal encounters like the recent shooting in Minneapolis.
3. Clear limits on where enforcement can happen Prohibit enforcement actions at vulnerable places like hospitals, schools, and churches. Public safety shouldn’t mean people are afraid to seek medical care or send their kids to school.
4. Homes require a real warrant ICE should only enter homes with a judicial warrant signed by a judge—not administrative paperwork. That’s a basic Fourth Amendment principle, not a radical idea.
5. Body cameras for every enforcement action Mandate body cams across the board, just like many local police departments. Body cams protect civilians from abuse and officers from false claims. Accountability cuts both ways.
What would you add? What would you change?
Reply. Disagree. Improve it.” [boldface added by me–cc]
From The New York Times, today: “For one constituency, Mr. Pretti’s death did more than grant permission to criticize. It confirmed a long-held fear. For decades, the conservative case for the Second Amendment has rested largely on the premise that an armed citizenry is the last defense against government tyranny. N.R.A. fund-raising letters once warned of “jackbooted government thugs.” The language was apocalyptic, the scenario hypothetical. Minneapolis made it real. Masked federal agents killed a legal gun owner who had never drawn his weapon. Gun rights groups pushed back. Gun Owners of America posted on social media: “Peaceful protests while armed isn’t radical — it’s American. [The First and Second Amendments protect those rights, and they always have.] GOA will hold any administration accountable.” [bracketed text added from original post by me–cc]
To my Red voting friends: I don’t need you to relinquish your conservative ideals. We need both conservative and progressive perspectives intact and healthy for productive debate and earnest policy negotiation.
But we are well beyond the conservative vs progressive debate here.
This is about the government hunting and abusing people without any due process or accountability.
The only way this gets better is if we all call forth our shared humanity and rise together to stop it.
If enforcement is 
Healing Through Connection 