A Time to Try New Things


My friends:  What’s happening for you these many weeks?  What are you noticing (again, still, and newly)?  What do you miss most, least, and/or not at all from pre-COVID life?

What’s been the best thing that’s happened for you in this time?

Many of us are out of our depth here; we have no map.  As NASA says, we must “test as we fly and fly as we test.”  That necessarily means putting aside what we usually do and how things usually work, and trying new things–experimenting.  What a fantastic opportunity for learning, growth, and connection!

Be the change alpha workout

The Alphabet Workout

How has the pandemic affected your physical activity?  How have you adjusted?  After the New Year I realized I needed workout buddies to strengthen my workout resolve.  My colleague and I started exercising together after work a couple days a week, and then the pandemic hit.  Almost right away I came across various alphabet-based interval workouts, perfect for the newly shut in.  My siblings and friends and I started meeting on Zoom to try it, first spelling our names.  We moved on quickly to our heroes’ names, and now to sayings we like.  Exercise, accountability, variety, fun, and connection—yay!

opera cake 4-26-2020


My daughter may single-handedly make our whole family diabetic.

Spring break started a week early, then the kids transitioned to distance learning, with minimal direct, real time interaction with teachers.  With so much more time to complete homework and a recently developed fascination with any and all things French, we now have a baker in the house.  And with anaphylactic allergies in the family, recipes are necessarily converted to vegan and nut-free.  To date she has succeeded with macarons, beignets, fruit turnovers, cupcakes, and red velvet cake.  But by far I’m proudest of her opera cake, completed tonight and surely damaging to my waistline.  It’s worth it, though, to watch her experiment, fail, redirect, and succeed (mantra = “It’s edible!”), gaining confidence with every attempt.

The sibs had better not abandon me on those Zoom workouts, though!

moon path LOH

Photo courtesy of Dr. Karen Cornell, January 2020, Loveland, CO

Circadian Loosening

I always knew I was a night owl, but holy cow, left to my own devices, I am practically nocturnal.  I never pulled all-nighters for school.  The first time I stayed up all night reading was for one of Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson books—I had not even done that for Harry Potter!  I have discipline when I need it.  I get up for morning calls now; I even look forward to them, as a sailor looks for the buoy thrown by his shipmates when he has fallen overboard.  I will readjust to a regular work schedule when the time comes.  But for now I can truly enjoy my owl self.


Connecting with Friends

Maybe you’re missing your friends the most.  Somehow I’m not, which is a bit shocking and disconcerting.  But maybe it’s because I’m still connected, in some cases better than ever.  I miss meeting Donna for breakfast at our usual egg and toast place.  But I love that we now talk weekly on the phone while walking outside.  I continue to send and receive snail mail from friends across the country.  Perhaps I’m FaceTiming more with the Colorado sister and my parents, in addition to our sibs Zoom workouts.  And finally yesterday, blogging friends Nancy and Donna and I got together, after talking about it for at least three years.  Of course it was over Zoom, but without COVID-19 who knows how long it would have taken us to meet in person, living in Washington, Illinois, and Michigan?  Now we plan to ‘meet’ monthly—so much to share!

Writing Out of My Comfort Zone

Thanks to sister member Christina Guthier from Ozan Varol’s Inner Circle, I accepted a 5 day mindful writing challenge set by Nadia Colburn this past week.  Free, only five days—why not?  Nancy, Anne, and a few other friends agreed to try it with me—they accepted my Facebook invitation.  After a short meditation and poem, each day Nadia offered a prompt, followed by ten minutes of writing dotted with serene reminders to stay with the breath and remember to smile.  In these brief, structured and yet freeform sessions, I stretched existing ideas and queries farther than usual.  I quieted the inner critic sometimes and not others.  I learned a little more about my style and preferences for writing.  And I wrote a poem.

Based on “I Am Offering This Poem” by Jimmy Santiago Baca, Day 5’s prompt asked us to write a poem entitled, “I Am Offering This ______ to You.”

Onward, my friends.  Let us try new things, learn, grow and connect.


I Am Offering This Love to You

So imperfect

So flawed

So human

Yet honest, earnest, real

How can I make sure

You feel it the way I intend?

Or do I even need to?

Who would that be for?

What’s the best way for you to feel

Loved by me?

According to whom?

What is the best outcome

Of all this love

We carry for each other

In our families

Between friends

For our country

For the world

For humanity?

How can we live into this now


I am offering this Love to you


On this day

In this moment

With this breath

What will you do with it?

COVID-19 Antibody Testing: What We (Think We) Know and Don’t Know


Friends, my practice has sent this letter to our patients.  It is a summary of what we think we know about COVID-19 antibody testing, as of today.  This is our collective opinion and expression as a practice.  We do not speak for our employer or colleagues at large.  It is our best interpretation of the available evidence to date, and we present it in good faith.  Information evolves rapidly, and we expect to update our position and practices accordingly.  Please vet your information sources well, and make any and all medical decisions in collaboration with your primary care physician.

Many states are likely to extend shelter in place orders, albeit with some slow loosening of restrictions.  I worry that this will incite further unrest and divisions along ideological lines.

We all must now call forth our highest practices of patience, generosity, and love, so as to pull together better rather than separate further in body, mind, and spirit.  Hang in there, my peeps.  We can do this.

* * * * *

COVID-19 Antibody Testing

Covid-19 antibody testing is being promoted as a way to tell who has already had COVID-19 and therefore may be immune. We are getting many inquiries about the availability of antibody testing and wanted to let you know about the current state of antibody testing.

If you have had COVID-19, are you immune to it?

We don’t know the answer to this.  What we do know:

  • Most other viral infections stimulate your body to make antibodies against the virus which provide some degree of protection from re-infection for some period of time.
  • Antibodies to the common cold, which is sometimes caused by another type of coronavirus, seem to last only 1-3 years. Antibodies to measles generally last a lifetime.
  • There have been a few reports of seeming re-infections with COVID-19 in China and South Korea, but this is thought to more likely be due to a testing problem rather than true re-infection.
  • It’s very likely that people who have had COVID-19 should have some immunity for some period of time, but nobody knows for sure.

Does the severity of COVID-19 illness or the levels of antibody matter for presumed immunity?

When you are infected with a virus, your body makes many different types of antibodies against many different parts of the virus, in differing quantities. The IgG class of antibodies is the one that tends to provide long term immunity. Scientists are currently looking at all of the different antibodies present in the plasma of people who have had COVID-19, to see which antibodies seem to be the most numerous and react most strongly against the virus.

We currently don’t know which antibodies are most protective, how many of the different antibodies you need to have to be protected, or whether the levels of the antibodies matter for either degree or longevity of protection.

What do we need to know about a test before we call it a good test?

After the onset of the pandemic, the FDA allowed institutions and companies produce their own tests, provided they used an FDA-approved procedure to validate the tests. It’s not at all difficult to make an antibody test . . .but it’s very difficult to make a GOOD antibody test. You have to know:

  • Which antibodies to look for
  • How many antibodies to look for
  • What it means if some antibodies are present but not others (what if 2 of 4 tested antibodies are found -does that mean you are immune?)
  • How good your test is at picking up the people who have a positive test and are truly immune (the positive predictive value of the test)
  • If your test correctly tests negative when people have NOT been infected (the negative predictive value)
  • If your test is specific to COVID-19, or if it shows a positive result by detecting antibodies from infection with a different virus in the last few years (many common colds are caused by other types of coronaviruses).
  • That your test is valid -meaning you have reliably answered the questions above in as many people as possible. Generally this requires hundreds of people known to be positive and negative, as well as some who had other upper respiratory illnesses.

Finally, it is VERY important to remember what we DON’T KNOW:

  • Whether having antibodies and which type of antibodies actually provide immunity
  • If it does, how long the immunity lasts
  • If you have antibodies and have a new virus exposure, whether reinfection can occur
  • If you have antibodies and have a new virus exposure, whether you could still potentially transmit it to non-infected people

If scientists are still studying the antibodies, why are there hundreds of antibody tests already on the market and one being done by a drive-through facility in Chicago?

Many of the tests currently on the market are imported from China or Europe, and some have been made by small US companies who have rushed to produce a test (again, it’s easy to make any test; hard to make a good one).

We have investigated a number of these tests to see how they have been validated and how reliable they are, and the answer is that all of these tests are remarkably poor. (For those who want the scientific details, see below.)


OK, so if what’s available now is terrible, will there be good antibody tests, and when?

YES! There will be good tests, likely in several weeks. Abbott has a test they are working to validate, as does Roche. When a RELIABLY GOOD, adequately validated antibody test is available to the general public, we will let you know. We anticipate that the first tests will be used to test healthcare and other essential workers, and then as production increases and reliability confirmed, extended to test the public.

Just a reminder . . .

Continue to wash your hands well and frequently, especially if you have been out in public.

Continue to stay 6 feet away from anyone if you leave your house.

We recommend wearing a mask if you are out in public. Remember that the mask protects others from you, and does not necessarily protect you from others . . .so the 6-feet distancing remains very important!

The nitty gritty scientific details, for those who may be interested . . .

Many of these tests look for antibodies to the coronavirus ‘spike protein’, the part that attaches the virus to human cells. The spike protein is very similar across all coronavirus species, so the risk for false positives is high in people who have had the common cold in the last few years (which is all of us).

The test currently being offered by a drive-through in Chicago is made by a German company, Euroimmun.  A recent paper examining its performance found that its sensitivity (meaning the test both accurately found positive and negatives) was only 67%. Put another way, a full third of people had test results that weren’t accurate. The positive predictive value -meaning if you test positive, the likelihood that you actually had the disease -is only 82% (so 18% of people think they are immune to COVID when they are not), and the negative predictive value is 87%.

Another test that is being marked by Vibrant America for $149, was ‘validated’ in a total of only 20-30 patients, which is far too few to claim reliable test performance. It tests several antibodies, each with a sensitivity of only 65-80%. The company doesn’t say how they interpret  a mixed positive/negative result (indeed no one knows how to interpret this right now). Finally, in the small print, the company notes that their test may be positive in people who had common colds in the past.

4/23/2020 11:10pm CDT–  Updated to add:  Please click/tap to find the formal statement on SARS-CoV-2 antibody testing from the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA).  Bottom line:  There are no reliable tests at this time, and none of them should be used to make individual diagnostic or screening decisions.  Also, answers to myriad questions about antibody response are required for vaccine development and testing, so that will likely take many, many months (I expect closer to 18 months or longer, than the 12-18 we have all heard).





How Do We Get Better?


It is Week 5 of sheltering in place for many of us.  How are you feeling?  What emotions occur most often?  To where and on whom are they directed?  How do you see the future, and what does that feel like?

Who do we want to be on the other side if this crisis?

For all our sakes, I hope we can be more patient, kind, empathic, open-minded, thoughtful, intentional, and connected.  The COVID-19 pandemic shows us what ultimate paradox really means—trauma and grief on a scale not seen in generations, as well as an opportunity for unprecedented growth, both as individuals and as a society.

I think about the risks and possibilities as both a clinician and citizen.  The experiences overlap, as do the strategies to mitigate suffering.  I am so grateful that physician burnout and well-being has already been addressed in so many institutions, and at so many levels, before this crisis hit.  Programs like physician peer support and Balint Groups show us that our leadership cares for our well-being, or at least recognizes the need for organizational support of it.  Employee Assistance Programs and the like are much more visible now, and hopefully barriers to access are also down.  Everywhere I see offers for formal organizational support and ‘wellness.’

But what will really make the difference in the end?  How will we really grow into our best selves through this, the greatest global challenge of most of our lives so far?

I think it will be in our small, day to day, apparently mundane interactions.

Too often we underestimate the impact of our milieu on our attitudes, thoughts, words, and actions—how we are impacted by our environment, and how we impact it in return.

A wise friend observed two groups of people responding to COVID-19.  One sees the pandemic in terms of ‘what’s happening to me.’  The other experiences it as ‘what’s happening to all of us.’  This is a falsely dichotomous oversimplification, obviously.  But it may be instructive to notice one day this week, if we were to categorize our own thinking/feeling/speaking/acting with regard to COVID, where would we land more of the time?

I’m reminded of the stages of tribal culture described by David Logan and colleagues in their book, Tribal Leadership, and presented eloquently in his TED talk.  I have discussed this idea in previous posts.

The visual above encapsulates Logan et al’s theory of tribal culture.  Their work aims to advance groups from lower to higher levels of culture and performance.  In this framework, the currency of cultural economy is language.  Each tribe member’s dominant cultural stage mindset emanates in their words, and is represented/encapsulated in each stage’s mantra above.

Those who experience COVID-19 as ‘what’s happening to me’ likely live in the lower three stages most of the time—self-absorbed, competing, uninterested in personal or societal connection and growth.  Those able to see how ‘this is happening to us all’ have made the shift toward an Outward Mindset, seeing their node selves as inextricable members of a larger, interconnected system.  For a system to function well, grow, and sustain itself best through crisis after crisis, it must achieve a collective “We’re great” or “Life is Great” mindset.

Whom do you know on your team, among your friends, or in your family, who lives these words (most of the time)?  How do you feel when you’re around them?  What do you hear them saying right now? What energy do they exude?  When I meet people like this in my life, I feel calm, soothed.  They remind me to be humble, and to remember what I can do to help, both myself and others.  I feel connected in their presence; I recall my strengths and potential for contribution, and I’m motivated to act accordingly.  They give me hope.

So what do I hear them saying, what language do they speak that elevates our communal culture?

First, they avoid ad hominem.  They refrain not just from political rhetoric and attacks; they don’t make generalizations about groups based on race, gender, geography, social class, etc.  They also withhold judgment—they entertain various stories about people’s motivation, circumstances, and values, rather than jumping to oversimplified conclusions based on their own biases.

Second, they empathize.  They strive to relate to each person they’re with, as well ‘the others’.  And if they can’t do that, they validate the others’ feelings.  “That’s so hard,” can be the most soothing words a person can hear when they’re struggling and suffering. And “Well, we don’t know what they’re living,” reminds me to be humble.

Third, they offer hope.  But it’s not false hope or superficial, Pollyannish positivity.  They honestly believe in and see the light at the end of the tunnel, and they point to it for our benefit.  They do this by asking, “What do you need?”  “How can I help?” and saying simply, “I’m here.”

When I come across people like this, I want to be around them more.  I want to emulate them.  I point out their words and actions to others, and show the positive movement they inspire in me and others.  Stage 4 and 5 tribal leaders lead by example.  And make no mistake, they are everywhere.  They often don’t have a title or any designated authority.  But the team/organization/family is always better for their presence.

If you have people like this on your team, consider:  how can you be more like them?  What do they inspire in you?  If you are this person, how can you bring people along in this mindset?  This is how we get better through our current crisis:  We find the leaders who speak the language of We, Together, Growth, and Hope.  We find and follow those who set the example, and we strive to set it ourselves.  We take advantage of the programs and support systems around us.  We get help, get better, and then turn around and help others.

Yes, there is much trauma and grief.  There is also boundless love and connection.  We find the latter easily when we look, and it sustains us.  We can absorb that energy, join that movement, and make a difference in every encounter with our fellow humans.  We can absolutely be better.