Happy 19th day of National Card and Letter Writing Month!
Happy 11th Anniversary to Healing Through Connection!
Happy 100K+ total views on this blog in these eleven years–and thank you to all the humans who have viewed, commented, and followed all this time!
Today’s NCLWM prompt is Recipe. What is your recipe for deep, meaningful friendship?
Last weekend I communed with Phara, Christine, Heather, and Grant.
This weekend it was Donna, Jacob, Amber, Kasey, Troy, and James.
Holy cow, I am the luckiest person in the world to know so many amazing people and have the privilege to call them friends.
Donna cut through months of circular rumination and clarified the core of my mental and emotional struggle with one particularly vexing patient relationship. She and Jacob both helped me solidify ideas, structure, and themes for Book. Amber taught me about her generation at work and what it means to be a software engineer. And Kasey, Troy, and James just filled my tank the way they always do–sitting at brunch with them today made me wonder about and attempt to articulate my own Recipe for Friendship:
Ingredients:
–1 frontal lobe for Openness – enough to be willing to meet someone new
–1 or more Shared Interests – things over which we bond, in which we can grow together
–Many scoops Attention – each to the other, for both verbal and nonverbal communication
–Open faucet Curiosity – consistent interest in learning more about each other
–Demonstrated Common Ethos – core values that hold up our integrity in relationship with self and one another
–Consistent and regular Effort – demonstration that the relationship is worth our energy to cultivate and maintain
–When possible, In Person Contact – can substitute phone and video when needed; best results when added regularly
–Measured, in-context Vulnerability – key for depth and meaning
–Heaps and loads and oodles Love; impossible to add too much
–Time – no substitute, the more the better
–Trust and Devotion- will develop with Time, the last ingredients that occur spontaneously and multiply themselves, like strong sourdough starter
Method:
–This recipe can be made in any setting or context, at any time.
–Carry the ingredients on your person–mind and heart–at all times, ready when the opportunity to cook up a new friendship arises.
–Ingredients above are listed in likely order of occurrence, though most can be added at any time and then repeatedly, ‘to taste,’ in cooking/cultivating process.
–Additional ingredients of your choice encouraged, to personalize and make your friendships special to you and your friends
–Keep multiple recipes going at all times, each at various stages of mixing, stirring, rising, preheating, shaping, baking, simmering, braising, aging, cooling, etc.
–Even projects that have been apparently inactive for long periods may be self-sustaining without loss of flavor or nutrients, depending on stage of cultivation.
–Once a recipe is well underway, however, it will likely require regular additions of at least Attention and Effort to succeed over Time, depending on proportions and mixtures of the other ingredients.
This is a staple recipe. I cook by feel; as this is my first attempt at articulating my method, it will likely evolve if I keep trying to capture it in words. Now that I think of it, I could use sourdough starter as the whole metaphor, no? Oh well, maybe another time.
Everybody should have their own favorite friendship recipe–or maybe multiple ones!–on hand, written or not, like figuratively sturdy, dog-eared index cards with evidence of repeated use–stains, wrinkles, folds, and tweaks written in small cursive, legible only to the owner.
The strongest and most successful recipes are likely to be shared, mixed, and matched for additional depth of essence, character, temper, etc.–we all know the best loved recipes last the longest–often for generations.
My deepest and brightest thanks too all the friends who brought this forth for me today.
Love you all.
Healing Through Connection 