Love Is Love

Something Extraordinary, Alexis Hall

Happy Pride Month, friends!

Sharing tonight my review of Something Extraordinary by Alexis Hall, because once again I sit both enthralled and hung over, re-listening to (reliving!) my favorite passages while marking up the hastily obtained print copy, playing or quoting lines to Daughter because I just cannot help myself, I love it so much.

Posted to Audible:
“Wild, hilarious, heartwarming ride of love in all its forms!
“Love is love and it SAVES US. Human connection in any context, often despite our most counter-connecting behaviors, is so much more possible than we think! Not with everybody, but with far more folks than we assume, if we only keep our hearts open and vulnerable enough to risk it. That is what this book reminds me.
I cannot count the number of times I went from brow-furrowingly sad empathy to laughing out loud to clipping a passage for further philosophical consideration, all in the space of a few minutes. Have already quoted, described, and recommended this story to anyone who crossed my path this week.
Ell Potter and Steve West perform all of the characters with distinction and grace, and their voices for the supporting characters even match, making the listening experience that much more delightful. I forwent sleep and life tasks for this audiobook, for the integrated marvel of this story brought forth by the author and voice actors. God bless ‘em.”

Shared on Instagram to both Shaneiaks and my personal account

This is the third book of Hall’s Something Fabulous series. I listened to a long preview of Book One, Something Fabulous, which I did not go on to finish, and I only read the overview of Book Two, Something Spectacular. I think they are not meant to be standalone novels, but I did not feel lost in the least picking up the series at the end. The main characters’ personalities and relationship are clearly established in advance, yet develop and deepen meaningfully throughout this story.

As in Never After, Hall explores sexuality and the social norms that constrain it with depth, compassion, and stark honesty about our capacity for both generous, loving acceptance and rigid, shaming rejection of our fellow humans. The characters’ clever banter, as well as their touching dialogues, both inner and exchanged, bring reader/listener to a much deeper level of empathy and tender, gentle human awareness than most romances I come across. The writing is both subtle and blatant in turn, and lyrical as ever (see below for some choice exerpts).

Human relationships are messy and complex in any context. Holding, honoring, and then navigating the consequences of natural yet unconventional preferences and desires in the face of punishing social pressures is something many of us may not live first hand. Hall’s books generously, humorously, and lovingly provide us with a window into that experience, inviting us all to open our minds and hearts to our shared humanity no matter who we are and how we identify. The story reads deliciously long and languid, topsy turvy, hilarious and tearful, and leaves us wishing all our fellow humans to find love that provides safety, uplift, and peace. Witty, sparkling dialogue and an utterly whimsical plot hooked and enchanted me throughout. But the deeply humane, gentle yet assertive explorations of love, faith, world view, and reconciliation will keep me reflecting and seeking conversation with friends for weeks to come.

Please find my favorite quotes below, and beware the possiblitity of spoilers. I will enjoy these sections for a while yet, and dive deeper yet into Alexis Hall’s other worlds. I bet you’ll see more of their work shared here shortly.
Wishing all a lovely week ahead!

Audible review: 5 stars overall and for performance and story

“…He had wanted from her what he always wanted… what he had spent so many years hopelessly seeking in the bodies of strangers.
“Once upon a time, he would have called it love and asked no questions. But the word seemed bigger and smaller than he remembered–differently shaped and less perfectly fitting. No wonder, then, he thought ruefully, that he had been unable to find what he was looking for, if he hadn’t understood what it was. Perhaps that was why he’d always clung to those who did not want him–willing to do almost anything to ensure they didn’t become someone else who wouldn’t stay–when he should have paid more attention to those he’d let go.”

“There was something strange happening to Rufus’s heart. He normally conceived it as hard and gnarled, like a peach pit. Now it was as soft as the peach itself. ‘I… I’m flattered, Bellflower. I do not think anyone has ever felt jealous over me in my entire life.'”

[Belle] “…’If it is not acceptable for ladies to be coerced into sexual encounters, then it should not be acceptable for gentelmen, either.’
[Sir Horley/Rufus] “‘I don’t mind.’
“‘Don’t overwhelm me with your ardour or anything,’ muttered the highwaryman.
“Rufus glanced at him. ‘I’m sorry. Take me now, you scurrilous devil. Is that better?’
“‘A bit. But could you put more feeling into it?’

“… Strange how quickly you could grow accustomed to things. Even relatively inconsequential ones like sharing space. One would have thought, after long days in a carriage with Belle, he would want distance, not increased closeness. But she had awoken some brutal, terrifying hunger in him, and now he missed the certainty of her body tucked behind him…He missed being held… The cold feet she would plunge mercilessly between his knees as though she had the absolute right to his body heat.
“Since Belle had been shot, he had been clinging to anger like driftwood… until all that remained was fear.
“Particularly useless fear, even by the standards of that specific emotion, because it couldn’t change anything. It could only strike out of nowhere like a snake and fill him full of poison, for he could so easily have lost Belle today… Now, though, it just made him feel a kind of pre-emptive grief. For the possibility of a life he could still not truly picture, and would never have chosen, but which nevertheless gleamed richly with the promise of unimagined, undared contentment.”

[Discussing Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland, a real novel from 1749]
[Belle] “‘Why was it banned, then?’
[Gil, the highwayman] “‘For the same reason most things are: fear and ignorance. In this case, I suspect it has something to do with the fact the book takes as axiomatic that women can be creatures of pleasure just as men can.’
[Belle] “‘And yet,’ she asked, ‘it is not worth reading?’
[Gil] “‘You may if you wish. It’s not really my place to decide for you. Though try not to, you know, fold the pages back or spill beans over it. Very few copies of this book are still in circulation.’
“‘Surely it will be unbanned sometime soon?’
“‘Surely,’ echoed Gil, though he did not sound very convinced on the matter.
“‘Well, the idea of a woman liking sex can’t remain so very shocking, can it? I expect we can figure that out in, say, less than a hundred and fifty years.’
“‘Oh please,’ Rufus swiped his had disdainfully through the air, as though dismissing the decades to come. ‘A hundred and fifty years to concede women are people? Give us two hundred and ten, and we will probably still be banning books and hating each other.’
[Gil] “‘I fear his cynicism is not wholly without merit. But… I shall nevertheless join you in hoping for better from posterity.'”

Recipe for Friendship

At Loba Pastry and Coffee in Chicago: “Honey ~Squiggle~ Things” and “Fancy (ask for flavor)” pastries. It doesn’t matter what you get here, friends. You simply cannot go wrong.

Happy 19th day of National Card and Letter Writing Month!
Happy 11th Anniversary to Healing Through Connection!
Happy 100K+ total views on this blog in these eleven years–and thank you to all the humans who have viewed, commented, and followed all this time!

Today’s NCLWM prompt is Recipe. What is your recipe for deep, meaningful friendship?

Last weekend I communed with Phara, Christine, Heather, and Grant.
This weekend it was Donna, Jacob, Amber, Kasey, Troy, and James.
Holy cow, I am the luckiest person in the world to know so many amazing people and have the privilege to call them friends.

Donna cut through months of circular rumination and clarified the core of my mental and emotional struggle with one particularly vexing patient relationship. She and Jacob both helped me solidify ideas, structure, and themes for Book. Amber taught me about her generation at work and what it means to be a software engineer. And Kasey, Troy, and James just filled my tank the way they always do–sitting at brunch with them today made me wonder about and attempt to articulate my own Recipe for Friendship:

Ingredients:
–1 frontal lobe for Openness – enough to be willing to meet someone new
–1 or more Shared Interests – things over which we bond, in which we can grow together
–Many scoops Attention – each to the other, for both verbal and nonverbal communication
–Open faucet Curiosity – consistent interest in learning more about each other
–Demonstrated Common Ethos – core values that hold up our integrity in relationship with self and one another
–Consistent and regular Effort – demonstration that the relationship is worth our energy to cultivate and maintain
–When possible, In Person Contact – can substitute phone and video when needed; best results when added regularly
–Measured, in-context Vulnerability – key for depth and meaning
–Heaps and loads and oodles Love; impossible to add too much
–Time – no substitute, the more the better
–Trust and Devotion- will develop with Time, the last ingredients that occur spontaneously and multiply themselves, like strong sourdough starter

Method:
–This recipe can be made in any setting or context, at any time.
–Carry the ingredients on your person–mind and heart–at all times, ready when the opportunity to cook up a new friendship arises.
–Ingredients above are listed in likely order of occurrence, though most can be added at any time and then repeatedly, ‘to taste,’ in cooking/cultivating process.
–Additional ingredients of your choice encouraged, to personalize and make your friendships special to you and your friends
–Keep multiple recipes going at all times, each at various stages of mixing, stirring, rising, preheating, shaping, baking, simmering, braising, aging, cooling, etc.
–Even projects that have been apparently inactive for long periods may be self-sustaining without loss of flavor or nutrients, depending on stage of cultivation.
–Once a recipe is well underway, however, it will likely require regular additions of at least Attention and Effort to succeed over Time, depending on proportions and mixtures of the other ingredients.

This is a staple recipe. I cook by feel; as this is my first attempt at articulating my method, it will likely evolve if I keep trying to capture it in words. Now that I think of it, I could use sourdough starter as the whole metaphor, no? Oh well, maybe another time.
Everybody should have their own favorite friendship recipe–or maybe multiple ones!–on hand, written or not, like figuratively sturdy, dog-eared index cards with evidence of repeated use–stains, wrinkles, folds, and tweaks written in small cursive, legible only to the owner.
The strongest and most successful recipes are likely to be shared, mixed, and matched for additional depth of essence, character, temper, etc.–we all know the best loved recipes last the longest–often for generations.

My deepest and brightest thanks too all the friends who brought this forth for me today.
Love you all.

30 Days of Snail Mail and Reflections on Writing

Paper Source, Instagram

Friends, this is going to be FUN.

It’s National Card and Letter Writing Month! Apparently the United States Postal Service invented it back in 2001, expanding their annual celebration of handwritten greetings sent from a distance from one week to an entire month. And I am HERE FOR IT!

My favorite stationery and craft store, Paper Source, posted 30 pen pal prompts on their Instagram last week and inspiration has flowed freely since. I pulled out a small stack of washi tape cards from their storage and mentally prepared the recipient list. The first two cards are in the post to Son and Daughter, which I thought was a nice way to kick off this month of handwritten notes. So grateful for these two amazing humans in my life.

Then it occurred to me to invite friends to request notes! I’ve received two so far, and will continue to solicit all month. Meanwhile, the crafting bug bit me this weekend and after a great HIIT workout at Ethos yesterday morning I’ve basically been sitting, cutting, taping, stickering, and writing for two days (and listening to Of Prophecies and Pomegranates by TC Kraven–highly recommend!).

Front section from c.2022, back two sections made this weekend
My Audible review for Of Prophecies and Pomegranates by TC Kraven

It reminds me of the year I wrote one thank you note a day for 365 days–turns out I blogged about that, and my washi tape card making was already well underway by then, 2019. Huh. We are who we are, I guess.

I realized recently that when the pandemic started, I had only been writing this blog for five years. It’s eleven years old this month. Looking back, it’s been both an intentional and unintentional (more unplanned for this duration) exercise in consistency and practice, a clear and strong What to my Why. This post marks 777 in the library, and I have no plans to stop anytime soon–148 drafts and infinite impromptu new posts await.

My morning pages practice stutters along. I carry that journal with me everywhere so I’m ready when new ideas strike. I write brain dumps, emotional processes, blog ideas, and any other words that occur to me in these A7 size books, and my stash of empty ones continues to grow–plenty of back up and capacity. I have now filled four pretty journals since March 2023 with writing and media I want to keep for posterity and inspiration. I traffic in words, people, and I fully embrace it!

I started another weekly writing project in January, which will eventually organize into Book. I will share more about that in time. Suffice it to say I have finally found it, after these eleven years, and it feels absolutely right. Every book idea before now has felt boring, formulaic, nebulous, or otherwise slog-like. With each outline or proposal attempt, “This could be great!” quickly devolved into “Ugh, I do not want to write that book.” But with continued weekly blogging, voracious reading/listening that has expanded from psychology to memoir to fiction, science fiction, romance and erotica, another decade of clinical practice, and now a newly empty nest, the essence of Book has finally emerged, and I am convinced it just needed to take this long. Big thanks to Grant Gosch, whose insightful and patient questions and reflections have helped me distill the myriad, disparate yet intersecting book ideas into this initial, unified project. I look forward to each writing session with curiosity, love, and excitement! In the end, whatever the project outcome, I will have had fun and connected to people in some meaningful way–another, bigger, What to my Why. When people read it, I wish for them to feel inspired, empowered, activated, and connected. I feel confident I can accomplish this, because that’s how I feel when I write it.

Ever since I learned about writing and mailing letters in second grade, I have relished written correspondence with disproportionate fervor. Even my clinical summaries for patients at the end of an executive physical feel like love letters–here are all of my wishes for your best health until we meet next year!

What is your relationship with snail mail, or just a handwritten note, card, or letter?
When and what was the last piece you received? Sent/given?
How did it feel?
To whom would you write today if you had a fun card, some nice stationery, or even just a Post-It and a few minutes?

There are so many ways we humans find connection, love, belonging, and peace. Giving and receiving personal, handwritten messages stands out to me as one of the most special. I hope you may enjoy more of it this month and beyond.