November 30:  Blogging Makes Me Better

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NaBloPoMo 2019

I think I can honestly say this after 4.5 years.

Candidate topics for this last post of the 30 day challenge included People, Relationships, Connection, Movies, and Ma Jiang.  Of course all of these make me better, but tonight Blogging wins.

Writing for a public forum makes me more cognizant of my potential audience, more discerning.  I have to choose my topics carefully, balance honesty and vulnerability with privacy.  It gives me a venue to practice various skills—writing, time management, storytelling, editing, and online interaction.  Since I have committed to visiting the blogs of all bloggers who like my posts, I have also discovered the writing and lives of others whom I’d likely never otherwise come across.  My horizon is widened.

Blogging allows me to put thoughts into the world and find others with similar thoughts.  It’s a diary of experience, a web-log that serves, if nothing else, as a timeline of my personal and professional evolution, which I can then query over time in order to understand myself better.  But I don’t write it only for myself—otherwise why make it public?  I write to connect, because that makes me better, always better.

Maybe I can ask more of the blog in 2020.  Maybe I could make it more focused?  More organized?  More goal-oriented?  Or maybe not.  Nothing has to be decided tonight.  I’ll know when something needs to change.

Meanwhile, my sincere and heartfelt thanks to all who take time out of your lives to read Healing Through Connection.  I hope you get something out of it that makes you better, too.

November 29:  Reflection Makes Me Better

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NaBloPoMo 2019

How was 2019 for you, friends?

Looking back, what stands out?  What gives you pride and joy?  Guilt and regret?  What’s the best thing you learned?  What do you look forward to the most in 2020?

In the first post of this month, I described my last role play experience, one marked by intensity around domestic violence and dense communication skills practice.  Dr. Orit Kalnieri-Miller led the workshop, and I will forever be grateful for her groundbreaking work incorporating reflective practice in medical education.

Wikipedia says reflective practice is

 the ability to reflect on one’s actions so as to engage in a process of continuous learning.[1] According to one definition it involves “paying critical attention to the practical values and theories which inform everyday actions, by examining practice reflectively and reflexively. This leads to developmental insight”.[2]A key rationale for reflective practice is that experience alone does not necessarily lead to learning; deliberate reflection on experience is essential.[3][4]

Regular reflective practice, I think, is mindfulness in action.

This whole month I have been reflecting.  Looking back, seeking patterns.  What really does make me better?  Better for whom?  For What?  How does it all help me going forward?  I have probed my habits, my relationships, roles, activities, ideals and attitudes.  Writing the reflections every night as a blogging challenge probably does not give each idea much time to sink in.  But now they are recorded.  They are a collection that I can review over time; I can revise, rewrite, and continue the reflection-learning-practice cycle of self-improvement.  Reading past posts reminds me of where I was then, which allows comparison and contrast to today.

I am, still and always, me.  I’m also always learning and changing.  Reflection helps me to know myself better and more deeply, to claim and exercise my authentic agency in service of the causes that matter to me.  Reflection keeps me focused on my Why.  In the coming year, it will help me identify, refine, and enact my next Just Cause.  Very exciting!

But maybe the best part is that reflective practice is not a solitary activity.  When I have any opportunity to get feedback from those whose perspectives I respect, the learning is that much deeper and more meaningful, even (especially) if it challenges and agitates me.  People mirrors do not always show the reflection I want, or the self-delusions I believe–they call me out.  But sometimes they show that I’m living exactly and fully in my integrity and values.  Both are equally valuable.

So I will continue looking for reflections everywhere.  They keep me honest, and that makes me better.

November 28:  Gratitude Makes Me Better

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NaBloPoMo 2019

Haha, DUH!

How cliché to write about gratitude on Thanksgiving, right?  Kind of feels like professing love on Valentine’s Day.  At the same time it’s nice that we have a day designated to acknowledge all that we are thankful for, it also feels a bit contrived, perhaps?

But seriously, gratitude really does make us all better.  Read more about this here and here.  In summary, practicing gratitude seems to correlate with improved physical and psychological well-being, better sleep, increased empathy and self-esteem, and decreased aggression.  But how do we feel this on a daily basis?

As some of you know, I started a daily thank you note practice in January.  I’m proud to say that on average, I have written at least one note per day since I made the commitment.  Occasionally a few days go by and I write none.  But many days I write multiple.  I love to use my washi tape cards, but sometimes it’s an email or Facebook message, other times I post on a website or in feedback comments to a company.  It’s become a habit now.  Every day I feel gratitude acutely.  I recognize the people who make a positive difference in my life, repeatedly, reliably, and without expectation of anything in return.  My expression of gratitude connects us further, holding us all up through days of mundane grinding.  If I use my washi tape cards there’s also a flourish of color in there.  This practice has given me leave to reach out to authors, companies, people and organizations who may not otherwise know the positive impact they have on any given individual.  It feels good.

Tonight I’m grateful for so many things—nature, the most meaningful work I can imagine, all of my first world comforts and resources.  But no question, I am most thankful for people. My parents, holy cow.  My sisters, husband, children, extended family.  My friends—the family I choose.  Colleagues, students, patients.  Fellow activists and volunteers.  Challengers and worthy rivals.

I will pay more attention and reflection to this last group in the coming year.  When I accepted my new leadership role two years ago, Coach Christine had me identify my ‘allies.’  Of course all of my loving, supportive friends and family came to mind first.  But Christine also pointed out the challengers—those who vex me, the thorns in my side, the dissenters–they are also allies.  Of course!  Some of my best growth and progress is born of struggle, interpersonal and otherwise.  So how can I be but grateful for the people in my life who make it a little harder?  Whatever doesn’t kill us, right?

I hope you all had a loving, delicious, and fulfilling Thanksgiving, friends.  May we all carry some of this warmth and connection forward through the holiday season and beyond.  We only have one another.  We will not always agree.  We will all struggle.  We can only do our best every day.  Grateful for each day to try to do better, again and again.