I submitted my ballot today, November 3, 2024. The US Presidential Election is two days away.
So many people fear not only the outcome, but the process. Confidence in election integrity flags severely in recent years, for myriad reasons. People of any political persuasion suspect their fellow humans of nefarious motivations and acts, both in general and individually. Trust flickers and wanes like a candle in a hailstorm.
We cannot be reasoned out of our fears. The more someone tries to convince us that our fears are unfounded, the more our fears escalate, and we get frustrated and often angry on top of that, further inflaming the encounter, risking damage to relationship.
Emotions are, by nature and definition, irrational. This does not mean they are unjustified, unhelpful, or unimportant. Emotions are signals that something important to us is at stake—often relating to our survival, at least as far as our limbic brains are concerned. Fear is a primal instinct and emotion, conserved over millennia of evolution to keep us alive. As I described yesterday, fear often sublimates itself into anger, without help from outside forces. This inner rage can then manifest in ugly words or actions, harming others, our relationships, and ultimately ourselves.
When we see someone on ‘the other side’ acting out like this, of course we feel fear and anger. Of course we rail at them as horrible people and want justice for their abhorrent actions. And of course, we see them as representative of everybody we grossly identify as their tribe (see image below from the @startswithus Instagram account). That is the lens that fear places before our eyes, so we may be alert to threats—to our safety, security, and identity, among other things. We separate from and divide people into groups deemed ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. But this is an oversimplification that can lead to destructive patterns of perception and interaction.
Fear is a vitally important emotion, necessary for safety and survival. And we must manage it, for our own well-being and that of our social integrity.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, teaches simple and accessible (though not necessarily easy) skills to help us do just this. The goal is not to discredit or eliminate our fear. Rather, DBT skills help us gain and maintain perspective, so we may hold our fear more stably, then think more clearly and make decisions with balanced emotional and rational input, in accordance with our values, goals, and integrity. The four pillars of DBT are Mindfulness, Emotional Regulation, Distress Tolerance, and Interpersonal Effectiveness (communication). The method is founded on the concept of the Wise Mind: the effective integration and balance of the emotional and the rational. I won’t describe the individual skills here, but I have studied them at length and recommend them to patients every week. In essence they teach us to monitor our emotions, identify them, accept and validate them, and query their consequences. We are challenged to be honest about what’s objectively true versus a story we make up. In the case of fear, DBT skills help us make and maintain the distinction between real potential risk (even if high) and imagined foregone catastrophic inevitability. The latter belief makes us act impulsively; holding the former reality helps us slow down, set strategy, and execute with intention. Unbridled fear separates us; appropriately restrained fear helps us form coalitions and act more effectively.
Fear well managed allows agency to emerge and effect positive change.
People fear on all sides of politics right now. It’s not going away—I think ever. And it’s natural. We just don’t have to let it drive all our thoughts, words, and interactions.
In the coming days, I Hold Fear for Us this way:
May we see one another as whole human beings, each and all with both unique and shared experiences, hopes, loves, and fears.
May we recognize that all our fears are valid simply because all emotions are valid, regardless of their origin. We feel how we feel and ignoring, dismissing, denying, or comparing one another’s fears gets us nowhere.
May we sit and be with each other’s fears in empathy and compassion, and solidarity if we can muster it even (especially) if we do not share the same fears or even understand them.
May we vote according to not just our fears but our values, our goals, and our hopes.
May we meet one another with our fears leashed, and our love in front.
May we speak and act in ways that give nobody reason to fear us.
Deep breaths, friends. We’ got this. Hang in there. I’m right there with you.
Healing Through Connection 
Thank you for such a thoughtful post Catherine. While I’ve been meditating and praying for a compassionate way to deal with the anger that wells up inside of me when I see the xenophobia, racism and authoritarianism promoted in our country by Trump and MAGA, I also understand that fascism (which is the outgrowth of the xenophobia and racism we are seeing) develops insidiously and steadily if not recognized and dealt with.
In his book, How to stop fascism: history, ideology, resistance by Paul Mason, the following is noted – “Mason harshly criticizes the left of the 1930s for not seeing what was coming. According to Mason, ‘fascism achieved power in the twentieth century because neither the liberal left nor Marxist left understood what they were dealing with’ (163). This prevented them from coming up with a comprehensive strategy to fight fascism. Mason strongly believes that fascism in Germany and Italy could have been prevented had the left realized the gravity of the threat and formed a united front against it.”
I believe we need to be as proactive as possible (without becoming violent) to squelch fascism. It can be as simple as speaking out publicly against fascist ideology and voting. We can’t ignore the messages of Project 2025 by the Heritage Foundation, the violent rhetoric from the presidential candidate Trump, the xenophobia or the book banning in states like Florida (they have banned the Biography of Rosa Parks!!!).
I’ve voted for the anti-fascist candidate 😉 , I quit my Amazon Prime membership given Bezos’ refusing to allow Washington Post editorial board to endorse Harris, I was prepared to purchase a Tesla automobile but I will not given Musk’s behavior with the MAGA crowd, I donated to the anti-fascist Congressional candidates, and I will write letters and condemn the book banning in my home state of Florida. I want to believe that even these very small steps will help to slow, if not stop, the spread of fascism in America.
wishing you much peace and happiness,
John
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Dear John,
Thank you so much for reading the post and taking the time to respond so wholeheartedly! 🙏🏼🥰 I’m sorry for this delayed response—it’s been a week!
In my experience, you manage your anger extremely well! 😄 And I know what you mean. For those of us who voted the way we did, things feel highly threatening right now. 😞 I wonder if helps to bring our attention from the abstract idea of fighting fascism to just connecting in closer, kinder ways with our fellow humans, in all realms of contact—in person, in writing, posting on public platforms. Rather than thinking of anyone as fascist or promoting fascism (I can’t think of a situation where that attitude actually prevents it anyway?), we can engage in mutually understanding conversations and really see how we see things differently, then find where we align and go from there? I feel urgency and patience at the same time here… It feels at the same time not enough and exactly what’s needed.
*sigh*
I just want us all to hold tight to one another, especially across difference. That means we have to put down, or at least loosen our grip on the heavy assumptions and projections we all carry. ODOMOBaaT! One day, one moment, one breath at a time.
Peace to you, sir! Hope our paths cross again soon. 🙏🏼
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I feel so torn Catherine. The spiritual part of me wants to ‘extend peace, and peaceful thoughts’ to those I disagree with, but the physical part of me wants to fight them (not with violence, but non-violent ways to oppose them). I’m hoping I can do both – do what I can to oppose their actions, but without malice or anger. I’m still not sure I’m up to that task. Maybe its just too early. Wishing us all, even those I disagree with, a peaceful holiday season.
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Hi John,
Thank you for sharing your conflict. I know you are not alone, and I absolutely believe we can do both–advocate for and advance our just cause(s), just as those who oppose them advocate and advance theirs. And we *can* all do it with civility, upholding one another’s sacred humanity, without vitriol or descending in violence and abuse–physical, verbal, or otherwise. One key is to stop catastrophizing and thus seeing opposition as mortal threats or enemies. There are very high risk ideas floating closer and closer to the gound, YES.
And that does not mean that the world as we know it will end. And we have to conisder that fears on the Red side may feel just as mortally threatening as those on the Blue–we behave at our worst when fear and rage take over. So when we see the worst of us at work, we can ask, what is the deep human fear and vulnerability at work here? Last night I remembered that I had written a post before, “On What Helps”. It was November 2016, of course. I reread it and it’s still relevant, and I linked to it in last night’s text. In case it helps: https://catherinechengmd.com/2016/11/22/on-what-helps/
Thank you again for sharing. Big big hugs! xo
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