NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson
What if Yoda sang love songs? Does it not brighten your day just thinking about it?
Who holds you up? Who holds you accountable? Do they do it with love? If you’re lucky like me and the same people do all three, you possess a rare gift. I learned this again today and the realization sustained me, even through some hard conversations and decisions.
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“I feel like garbage after I talk to her,” a friend told me today. We commiserated around our mutual acquaintance, Dolores*. Dolores constantly focuses on the negative—how we could always do this or that better, how this or that thing is never right. She nit-picks and dissects. It’s hard to be around Dolores; her positive to negative interaction ratio is 0 to infinity—or at least it feels that way.
We like Apollo* better. He consistently notices and shows us the good we do. He points out our strengths to others. And it’s not lip service—he truly sees, appreciates, and acknowledges how we contribute—we feel his sincerity and gratitude. His ratio approaches 5 to 1, which is an important sign (driver?) of healthy relationships.
And Apollo’s 1’s, what are those about? He tests us, makes us uncomfortable sometimes. We clash with him sometimes on how to walk the talk, on the methods we choose to manifest our mission. But because our relationships are healthy, because we know our ties are stronger than our tensions, we can negotiate in good faith. We challenge one another to live up to our ideals—to defend our methods–we hold each other accountable, and we all benefit.
Like I said, lucky.
*not their real names