Dear Person I Knew Before,

Looking back, I wish I had been better for you. When you knew me, I was young in the work. I was well trained and I understood the task in my thinking mind. But I had (still have) a lot to learn about relating to people who are different from me, people whose behavior I don’t understand easily, who rub me the wrong way at first.

I wonder if you felt disliked by me? I hope I was professional/amiable enough, but I know I wear my feelings on my face. My tone and words can be terse and even cold when I feel disconnection. I hope you still felt respected, attended to, even cared for. If not, I own it. I remember you because I knew it at the time–knew I was not my best with you, and yet I could not help it. I had only yet begun the inner work journey that has brought me to today.

I know so much better now. I am so much more self-aware, humble, honest, and accountable. I withhold most judgment now, unlike before. I engage with difference now in openness and curiosity, and take few things personally. I am so much more peaceful inside. Even when I get triggered these days, it’s much less intense and lasts minutes, maybe hours, instead of days. I am far better at asking direct questions to clarify meaning, calling out disrespect, and connecting better or amicably exiting a poor relationship. I don’t let things hang or fester like before.

If/when we meet again, I welcome the chance to reconnect and apologize. I want to show you how much I have learned and grown since you knew me, since I had my potentially negative impact on you. I was doing the best I could, with what I had, at that time. I still am. There is no substibute for experience and time.

Please know that my relationship with you, through its challenge and difficulty, has been the pebble in my shoe making me more mindful, more intentional. I thank you for crossing my path, showing me my deficits and calling me to address them. I hope my future relationships will show my progress, so that even if I cannot make direct amends to you, I can avoid doing similar harm to others. You have made me better.

Wishing you peace, and people in your life who show up better for you than I did. I will stay on my path, and if we meet again, I will smile.