“How much do you love yourself? I hope it is at least as much as you are loved by the rest of us.”
I have thought to ask this of several people I know, wishing ardently for them to see their own gifts and strengths as we, their ever loyal friends and loved ones, see them. I hope you have people asking and supporting you in this way, dear reader, every day.
Self-love, at its best and strongest, is not boastful, grandiose, or arrogant. Rather, it is quiet, steadfast, resilient, and humble. It doesn’t need to compete in intellect, beauty, or performance. It tolerates being misunderstood or judged as less than by people whose opinions are simply irrelevant. And it knows when, where, and how to make us stand up and be seen, heard, and known. Self-love is how we know what spaces to take up in confidence and self-worth.
What does it mean to love someone, ourselves included? We honor, care for, think of, miss, wish the best for, sacrifice for, tell the truth to, help, hold accountable, look out for, and want to be with our loved ones, yes? How many of us feel this way for ourselves, as much as for others we love?
Adequate self-love provides the foundation, space, and magnanimity for fervent love of others (‘can’t pour from an empty cup’), and is also fed and nourished by love from others. It sets the standard of attitude and conduct for that mutual, wholehearted, loyal love that we all seek so deeply.
Love is the ultimate positive feedback loop, the best snowball effect.
‘A one person lovefest invites others to the party
To celebrate one another in joyous togetherness
Without competition or comparison
Only in mutual affection and validation’
So many professions of love this past weekend, so beautiful and connecting. I hope each of us, at our core, can hold onto a deep sense of self-love, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, relationship status, family dynamic, or political leaning. Love is the foundation of the healthiest, strongest, and most fulfilling relationships, and it’s never too late, never too little to start or start over.
Healing Through Connection 
I know a lot of people have a problem with the phrase self-love. It feels a little *wrong* to me, too. I prefer to promote being kind to oneself.
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Ooo thank you Mick! Please say more? What is the difference and what feels wrong about the expression? How does it land as I describe self-love in the post, and how is it different from and/or similar to how you think of the idea? 😃🙏🏼😃
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As you describe it, it is excellent, Cathy. I have no problem with the concept, it’s the phrase; it feels (although it isn’t) rather egotistical. It’s just the way it sounds to my ears. Of course I understand the importance of looking after oneself, both because we’re as deserving of it as the next person, but also because if we don’t, how can we look after others? I wonder even whether it’s a bit of a British thing. Perhaps it has become a little muddled in our thoughts with narcissism. I’m not sure.
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Thank you again, Mick! Yes, I can see how the phrase could be felt as self-absorbed or -aggrandizing, yes? I wonder if other Brits have a similar sense; after all, language is cultural! Thank you again for commenting, and best wishes to you! 🙂
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