Hey Love!
Good Morning Darling.
Hello Dear One.

More and more, this is how messages from me begin.
OH how wonderful if feels to effuse love every day! I have observed and written for a couple years how I feel liberated and even irreverent about it now, well into middle age–BOOBS OUT. “Tell (people) you love them. Tell them a lot. Make it weird.” Because the more we do it the less weird it is, and the more joyous and connected we all get to be.

I love easily, I think most who know me would agree. Some may wonder if it’s superficial, blind, or even fake. But it feels like none of these to me, and I’m confident not to those I love. I attribute this unreserved tendency to adore to my matrilineal inheritance of optimism and penchant for connection. Ma, her sisters, and my maternal grandmother, 婆婆, all set the example of seeing the best in people first, of loving first, with great openness and, some would say, vulnerability. This does not mean we throw ourselves headlong into random or toxic relationships. We simply, by default, assume the best of everyone we meet and go from there. Most of the time people respond fantastically, and if not, we know how to (lovingly) distance and protect ourselves, if necessary. So the older I get, the more I let loose my inner Agape lover on anyone I meet, and the rewards multiply. I shake my head in wonder almost daily, and it just keeps getting better.

Wonder is exactly the right word for it. I actually wonder how it could be this easy, this rewarding, this uplifting and reciprocal? I’m not sure I really need to answer this question, to look for some subconscious, potentially abnormal driver of this somewhat outlying behavior. I can just revel in the wonder, in the awe, that it simply is.

Interestingly, the louder I love in many ways and with more people, the more I notice the contrast when I don’t. How fascinating! It’s pretty uncomfortable, if I’m honest, because the difference can be quite stark. It feels inhibited, constrained, not like myself. It’s cautious, hesitant based on prior experience, protective. So all my talk about openness and vulnerability still stands; I just think I’m intuitive about risks and costs of engagement, and clear about what I’m willing to expend. If there is any potential for deep and meaningful connection, I’m pretty damn willing. And when I’m not, I can honor that, too. Because I know it’s not from an inherently negative place; I can trust my gut when it tells me to be wary. I also get to regulate consciously, to stay open to noticing when things shift and the possibility and potential of (re)new(ed) connection emerges.

Relationships evolve. Life paths converge and diverge, we flow together and apart over the long, complicated journey. We never know what’s coming, and our perspectives on what’s passed can morph and transform with the broadening perspective of time elapsed.

In the end, how satisfied will we be with how we loved ourselves and one another?

Loving out loud, often, and with abandon can be risky. In my experience, however, reward far outweighs risk and cost. The more I love, the more love grows within, between, and among myself and others. There is simply more love moving about in the world, and that is always a net good thing.