Friends!! Happy Happy Old Year!

So many excellent essays and posts everywhere for the New Year, are you soaking them in? Do they lift you up? What stands out for you from 2022?

I have to say, I’m ready for things to be easier and lighter. These last two years were pretty damn shitty for a slew of reasons… and I don’t necessarily wish for anything different. What doesn’t kill us often does make us stronger, and not always. Some of it just maims and scars, and we could be just as strong and well without it. Whatever, it all just is.

Love and gratitude stand out for me… Also commitment, resilience, and of course connection. Connection, actually, is both the beginning and end of getting through hard times, no? The trust, love, strength, respect, and attention we share hold us all up, bond us closer through crucibles of crisis, and magnify themselves, don’t you think?

Three posts resonate in particular with me this week, which I share below. May they lift or ground you, whichever you need. May you notice and receive whatever else you need as well, to start 2023 in peace and confidence, and to sustain that sense of “I’ Got This,” no matter what comes. Oh and as usual, I’ve included my list of books and notable media at the end. Books in [brackets] are yet to be finished; entries in bold are my favorites. My home Word file denotes romance novels in blue, but I think you can figure it out based just on the titles. There is a theme emerging among the romances I love; maybe more on that later. 😉 I created ‘Inspo’ on Spotify soon after writing the Playlist post last month, along with separate ones for writing and workouts. That subscription is well worth the cost!

ONWARD, my friends. All we have is this one life, with one another. Let us make the most of it all, ya?

Let It Be So

Donna Ashworth wrote the poem “When I Go,” which inspired my post of the same title. In her message for 2023, she reminds us to treat ourselves with a little more acceptance, compassion, and generosity. I wholeheartedly concur–if we can do this better for ourselves, then we are much more likely and able to do it for one another:

“Why do we start a new year, with promises to improve?

“Who began this tradition of never-ending pressure?

“I say, the end of a year, should be filled with congratulation, for all we survived.

“And I say a new year should start with promises to be kinder to ourselves, to understand better just how much we bear, as humans on this exhausting treadmill of life…”

Follow the link to read the rest.

23 Manifesto Rules for the Year

Holding ourselves in acceptance and compassion can manifest in specific practices; we can frame them as resolutions, intentions, hopes, or whatever. For me right now, it all still comes back to self-awareness, self-regulation, and community building… Mindful, peaceful intention in action and interaction, or something like that.

I only recently found Rachel Marie Martin, and her work resonates so far, especially her 23 ‘rules.’ I choose to hold them loosely, some more than others, and I look forward to seeing which ones recur in my psyche over the months to come. If the excerpt here speaks to you, check out the entire list on her Facebook page.

1. Stare fear in the face. So often fear stops us. Instead live fearless – knowing when to stop and when to move and when to be brave.

2. Invest in your friends. Good friends listen and show up. Do the same. Friendship is give and take and give and take. Friends are the ultimate gift.

3. No excuses. You must take care of yourself: heart, body and soul. There is no excuse for forgetting you. Your family needs you to love you with the same tenacity that you love them.

4. Guilt doesn’t need to dictate choices. Don’t let guilt stop you from taking care of yourself. Guilt keeps one stuck.

5. Read real books again. Watch a mini-series. Start jogging. Do something that is not work, not chores, but simply that makes you happy.

6. Love your body. Your aging body. Yes, that. And stop lamenting the wrinkles, but embrace them as another year lived.

Anam Cara

How many times do ‘relationship’ and ‘connection’ occur on this blog, I wonder? More times than most other nouns/ideas, I bet. They are my Why. And yet, they are inadequate words to truly express the depth to which I mean them. So I was especially grateful years ago to find John O’Donohue’s explanation of anam cara, ‘soul friend’ in Celtic. That direct translation hardly captures the meaning, either, and his book of this title is a bit dense and esoteric. So I thank Maria Popova for her long form delve, “Anam Cara and the Essence of True Friendship”. Her essays read slowly in the best way–leisurely yet intense intellectual consideration, like sipping the smoothest bittersweet Belgian hot chocolate. I picture the cafe where my best friend from college (an anam cara, for sure) and I always sat, with all the time in the world, enjoying each other’s company and whatever random wonders occurred to us. Read her post in a warm, comfy chair, including the most eloquent quotes from O’Donohue’s writing:

“With the anam cara you could share your inner-most self, your mind and your heart. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging. When you had an anam cara, your friendship cut across all convention, morality, and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the ‘friend of your soul.’ The Celtic understanding did not set limitations of space or time on the soul. There is no cage for the soul. The soul is a divine light that flows into you and into your Other. This art of belonging awakened and fostered a deep and special companionship.

“A friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you… The one you love, your anam cara, your soul friend, is the truest mirror to reflect your soul. The honesty and clarity of true friendship also brings out the real contour of your spirit.”

And she puts his words in 21st Century context with crystal clarity of their profound, countercultural importance:

“…being an anam cara requires of a purposeful presence — it asks that we show up with absolute integrity of intention. That interior intentionality, O’Donohue suggests, is what sets the true anam cara apart from the acquaintance or the casual friend — a distinction all the more important today, in a culture where we throw the word “friend” around all too hastily, designating little more than perfunctory affiliation. But this faculty of showing up must be an active presence rather than a mere abstraction — the person who declares herself a friend but shirks when the other’s soul most needs seeing is not an anam cara.”

It’s all so much, isn’t it? So much stimulation, emotion, tragedy, possibility, uncertainty, profundity, incredulity, and so much more. *deep breath*

Maybe one of the more important life lessons, that can only come with living it longer, is to hold it all with stronger yet looser conviction. To realize my own mission and have it validated gives me confidence. It also frees me to let go those who can’t see, don’t come along, or even reject it. We all walk our own paths; you don’t have to come on my journey. If our paths cross in a ditch or other obstruction, or your trail looks more interesting or efficient than the one I’m on, I can change directions and choose a new route for a while. There are infinite ways to get to where I’m going. I can just really enjoy and revel in the view as I walk.

To the New Year. Another cycle begins. Bring it.

Books

1. Pathways to Possibility by Rozamund Stone Zander
2. Liminal Thinking by Dave Gray
3. 52 Pep Talks for Writers by Grant Faulkner
4. Useful Delusions by Shankar Vedantham and Bill Mesler
5. A Little Hope by Ethan Joella
6. The Wisdom of Your Body by Hillary McBride
7. Be Water, My Friend by Shannon Lee
8. Summary of Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker, by Readtrepreneur Publishing on Hoopla Digital
9. Curious by Ian Leslie
10. The Icepick Surgeon by Sam Kean
11. The Other Dr. Gilmer by Benjamin Gilmer
12. The Upside of Irrationality by Dan Ariely
13. [The Mindful Therapist by Daniel Seigel]
14. Plays Well With Others by Eric Barker
15. [Atlas of the Heartby Brené Brown]
16. High Conflict by Amanda Ripley
17. The Lightmakers’ Manifesto by Karen Walrond
18. Power Moves by Adam Grant
19. Mentors by Russell Brand
20. I Am Spock by Leonard Nimoy
21. I Must Say by Martin Short
22. Sparks Like Stars by Nadia Hashimi
23. Be Quiet, Be Heard by Susan Glaser and Peter Glaser
24. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
25. Buried Deep by Margot Hunt
26. Dirtbag Anthropology by Kate Willett
27. The All or Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel
28. [The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion]
29. Welcome to Your Teenager’s Brain by Abigail Baird
30. The Way Out by Peter Coleman
31. Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt
32. A Republic, If You Can Keep It by Neil Gorsuch
33. The Egg and Other Stories by Andy Weir
34. The Fix Up by Kendall Ryan
35. Playing For Keeps by Kendall Ryan
36. Part-time Lover by Lauren Blakely
37. The Ruthless Gentleman by Louise Bay
38. Delayed Gratification by Lauren Blakely
39. Instant Gratification by Lauren Blakely
40. Kismet by Lauren Blakely
41. The Dream Guy Next Door by Lauren Blakely
42. Never Have I Ever by Lauren Blakely
43. Private Player by Louise Bay
44. Not Until You by Corinne Michaels
45. If I Only Knew by Corrine Michaels
46. Satisfaction Guaranteed by Lauren Blakely
47. Consumed By You by Lauren Blakely
48. One of Those Flings by Lauren Blakely
49. Your French Kisses by Lauren Blakely
50. P.S. It’s Always Been You, Parts 1, 2, & 3 by Lauren Blakely
51. Special Delivery by Lauren Blakely
52. Lucky Suit by Lauren Blakely
53. Cocktail by Lauren Smith
54. Bossy Brit by Kendall Ryan
55. One Hot Scandal by Anna Durand
56. Melt For Him by Lauren Blakely
57. Portrait of a Thief by Grace D Li
58. Lethal in a Kilt by Anna Durand
59. The British Bastard by Anna Durand
60. Irresistible In a Kilt by Anna Durand
61. The Pretending Plot by Lauren Blakely
62. One Hot Christmas by Anna Durand
63. One Hot Crush by Anna Durand
64. One Hot Chance by Anna Durand
65. One Hot Roomie by Anna Durand
66. Heired Lines by Magan Vernon
67. The Bromantic Comedies by Erin Mallon
68. Royally Endowed by Emma Chase
69. Brit vs. Scot by Anna Durand
70. One Hot Escape by Anna Durand
71. The Duke’s Twin by Lauren Smith
72. Forever Be Mine by Lauren Smith
73. Royally Screwed by Emma Chase
74. Royally Matched by Emma Chase
75. Rory In a Kilt by Anna Durand
76. One Hot Rumor by Anna Durand
77. Sweet Liar by Laurelin Paige
78. Sweet Fate by Laurelin Paige
79. Incendiary in a Kilt by Anna Durand
80. He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not by Iris Morland
81. My Rebound by Carrie Ann Ryan
82. Devastating in a Kilt by Anna Durand
83. Two Pretty Lies by Kelleigh Clare
84. Rivalry by Laurelin Paige
85. Ruin by Laurelin Paige
86. Revenge by Laurelin Paige
87. [Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabriel Zevin]
88. Rising by Laurelin Paige
89. The Break-Up Album by Lauren Blakely
90. Big Ben by Nana Malone
91. The Benefactor by Nana Malone
92. For Her Benefit by Nana Malone
93. Work For It by Talia Hibbert
94. Justice Falling by Audrey Carlan
95. Perfect Chaos by Jodi Ellen Malpas
96. The Plot by Jean Hanff Korelitz
97. The Opposite of Woe by John Hickenlooper
98. Relentless in a Kilt by Anna Durand
99. Humble Pi by Matt Parker (started in 2021)
100. Beginner’s Mind by Yo-Yo Ma
101. The Earl of London by Louise Bay
102. Unzipped by Lauren Blakely
103. Cheeky Royal by Nana Malone
104. Cheeky King by Nana Malone
105. Royally Remembered by Emma Chase
106. [Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison]
107. Misadventures With a Time Traveler by Angel Payne

Podcasts

TED Radio Hour

–What Leadership Looks Like  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ted-radio-hour/id523121474?i=1000559059996

Hidden Brain

–What We Gain From Pain  https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/what-we-gain-from-pain/

—Separating Yourself From the Pack  https://hidden-brain.simplecast.com/episodes/separating-yourself-from-the-pack-AXNnRTlI

–Reframing Your Reality Part 1  https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/reframing-your-reality-part-1/

–Reframing Your Reality Part 2  https://hidden-brain.simplecast.com/episodes/reframing-your-reality-part-ii-WQxXOCRz

–How to See Yourself Clearly  https://hidden-brain.simplecast.com/episodes/you-2-0-how-to-see-yourself-clearly-YFbSe_NE

–Making the World a Safer Place  https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/making-the-world-a-safer-place/

Peter Attia Drive

–DBT Skills  https://peterattiamd.com/shireenrizvi/?utm_source=podcast-feed&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=220822-pod-shireenrizvi&utm_content=220822-pod-shireenrizvi-podfeed

Other Media

—David Epstein, on Breaking With Your Tribe https://davidepstein.bulletin.com/the-bestselling-author-of-high-conflict-explains-what-it-takes-for-someone-to-break-with-their-political-tribe/

—Peter Coleman, On Abortion, Now Is the Time to Talk

On Abortion, Now is the Time to Talk

–Michael Bungay Stanier, 5 Questions to Deepen Trust Audio Lesson https://www.mbs.works/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/5-Questions-to-Deepen-Trust-Audio-Lesson-by-MBS.mp3

Spotify Inspo playlist