*sigh*  *smile*  *silence*

How do you feel tonight, friends? What are your body sensations? How is your energy, your mood, your sense of well-being? What does turning a new Gregorian calendar year mean to you? Usually it’s meh for me. But this year feels very different. Looking back on this blog for the past two years, I read it, remember it, relive it: Transformation.

When Son’s college search and launch voyage began in the summer of 2021, my own self-reflection journey intensified. Spontaneously asking his classmates’ parents and then myself, “What do we most want our kids to learn in college? What are the most important life skills?” instigated the yet ongoing exploration of what I now think of as the three reciprocal tenets of well-being: Self-awareness, self-regulation, and effective communication. NaBloPoMo 2021 saw me reviewing practices in those arenas that I strive to model for Son and Daughter. 2022 posts reflect further processing, culminating in a NaBloPoMo with the highest density of personally meaningful posts of any November yet. This year certain concepts saturated, condensed, and distilled in my psyche, and I shared those posts most frequently with patients and friends: Owning my sh*t, standing in my strengths, leading vs lagging indicators of health, and immersing in community.

Repeatedly here on the blog and every day in real life this year, I struggle to find good enough words to express my gratitude, amazement, and utter dumbstruck astonishment at my good fortune to have found Ethos and Shaneiaks, two tribes without whom I honestly think I would not have the audacity to undertake my Big Fat Hairy Goal of writing and publishing the book for which I started this blog in the first place, 8.6 years ago. It’s about time, don’t you think? And yet, it has taken this long. 2023 gave me the synergistic swell of connection, courage, and exposure to makers that has finally ignited my book writing booster engines!

I wrote last week about my back pain and how I attribute it to certain mental stressors. It all continues to evolve. My addendum tonight: It’s the tension between a relentless desire to write this book and share everything I have in my mind and heart, and the profound fear of doing so. That internal tug of war makes me positively squirrelly right now–I’m doing anything but sitting down to write book words and my back is still tight. HOW FASCINATING, where my body puts that ambivalence! Write (HA! unconscious word substitution! I think I will leave it. 😉 ) at my center of gravity, perhaps, where my body folds, hinges, carries. What’s the most useful story I can tell about this, I wonder?

Normally I prefer to sleep through and ignore New Years, but this year I think I may try to leverage it. The idea of resolutions grates me, and I can still meditate and act on meaning, purpose, journey, and goals for 2024. That means stop farting around and procrastinating. As my wise friend lovingly and gently nudged me recently, between thinking/knowing and waiting for that to translate to feeling/inspiration, there is doing. Butt in chair, 500 words at a time. Or 50. Whatever, anything counts. I cannot edit what I have not written. There is a balance between harsh, rigid, self-imposed pressure and lackadaisical excuse making. Perhaps I have leaned too much toward the latter until now? Or maybe it’s all just part of the process? Whatever! How fascinating! 

Table of Contents by end of January. Two or three sample chapters by end of February. Proposal and pitch by end of March. Queries by end of April. Quiet, centered, grounded, loving, fun writing. The more I can feel deeply and effusively my own message as the words emerge, the more likely readers will feel it, too. And that is the goal–for readers to feel seen, understood, loved, inspired, and empowered. That I stand alongside them aspiring, practicing owning our sh*t, standing in our strengths, and thickening our ties to the tribes and causes that matter most to us, to be and make our best contributions. When I get quiet, calm, and loving, it all flows so easily. So this may be the year to adopt a formal sitting meditation practice, too–a sister discipline of calm and quiet, in service of the BFHG. Let’s see what happens, ya? :D 

Thank you all for the time you take to read this blog. I appreciate the engagement, exchange, and encouragement. I found myself writing to so many people today, expressing gratitude more than anything else. May we harness all of our best learnings and wisdom to date and apply them with humility, generosity, and love in 2024 and beyond, all for connection and healing. Big love and light to all, and may this new year bring all good things!

___

Books and Media 2023

The romance immersion continues, full swing, with no signs of stopping. I am registered to attend and volunteer at Readers Take Denver this April, my first ever romance book convention. I will meet many of my new Shaneiak friends there (met two in person already, with another date scheduled in a couple weeks!), and I cannot wait. Shane will be there, too; Shaneiak Friend Heather has already agreed to stand next to me, stroking my arm, calming me down so I may resist the urge to tackle hug him to the point of cracked ribs. Good luck to her!

I began 193 titles this year, some in repeat. Bolded titles below are my favorites; bracketted are unfinished. Closed brackets indicate low likelihood of completion; open brackets are books currently in progress. I still like listening much more than reading, especially while making cards, cooking, cleaning, driving. In 2024 I can trade some social media for eyeball reading, perhaps. So many possibilities! Onward in verbal joy and learning!

Books

1. Anti-Diet, Christy Harrison
2. Write For Your Life, Anna Quindlen
3. Stories of Your Life and Others, Ted Chiang
4. Prince Charming, CD Reiss
5. Them, Ben Sasse
6. Priceless; My Lord: The Rothvale Legacy: Parts 1 & 2, Raine Miller
7. One Hot Deal, Anna Durand
8. Twisted Beautiful Lies: Twisted Lies Duet Book 1, Kelleigh Clare
9. Her Lovely Lies: Twisted Lies Duet Book 2, Kelleigh Clare
10. Two Pretty Lies, Kelleigh Clare
11. [Taste: My Life in Food, Stanley Tucci]
12. The American Wives Club, Anna Durand
13. Naked, Raine Miller
14. All In, Raine Miller
15. Eyes Wide Open, Raine Miller
16. Rare and Precious Things, Raine Miller
17. [The Human Element, L Nordgren & D Schonthal]
18. Even If It Hurts, Marni Mann
19. Why We Sleep, Matthew Walker
20. The Masked Fae, Shari L Tapscott
21. Royally Endowed, Emma Chase
22. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo: A Novel, Taylor Jenkins Reid
23. Insatiable In a Kilt, Anna Durand
24. The British Knight, Louise Bay
25. Then I Met You, Matt Dunn
26. Do the Work, Steven Pressfield
27. The Never King, Nikki St. Crowe
28. The Dark One, Nikki St. Crowe
29. Their Vicious Darling, Nikki St. Crowe
30. Flirting With Forever, Kendall Ryan
31. Quickies, A Filthy Anthology, AL Jackson and others
32. Before You, Marni Mann
33. One Hot Favor, Anna Durand
34. King of Wall Street, Louise Bay
35. Park Avenue Prince, Louise Bay
36. The Thief, Megan Whelan Turner
37. Duke of Manhattan, Louise Bay
38. Earl of London, Louise Bay
39. The All or Nothing Marriage, Eli Finkel
40. Cassandra Speaks, Elizabeth Lesser
41. International Player, Louise Bay
42. Private Player, Louise Bay
43. [Gray Hair Don’t Care, Karen Booth]
44. Awaken Your Genius, Ozan Varol
45. Wait With Me, Amy Daws
46. Dear Edward, Ann Napolitano
47. Highlander’s Captive, Mariah Stone
48. Hollywood Scandal, Louise Bay
49. [Highlander’s Secret, Mariah Stone]
50. Reasons to Stay Alive, Matt Haig
51. The Fae Princes, Vicious Lost Boys Book 4, Nikki St. Crowe
52. Enjoy Every Sandwich, Lee Lipsenthal, MD
53. Natural Obsession, Anna Durand
54. The Wrong Gentleman, Louise Bay
55. Happily Letter After, Vi Keeland
56. One Night Only, Lauren Blakely
57. One Exquisite Touch, Lauren Blakely
58. My One Week Husband, Lauren Blakely
59. The Depths, Jonathan Rottenberg
60. After Care: A Romance for the Over 40, LB Dunbar
61. Cowboy, LB Dunbar
62. The Queen of Attolia, Megan Whalen Turner
63. Getting Real, Emma Chase
64. Our Missing Hearts, Celeste Ng
65. Dark Deception: A Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
66. Dark Seduction: A Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
67. Dark Obsession: A Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
68. The Heir, Nana Malone
69. The King, Nana Malone
70. For You, Jodi Ellen Malpas
71. xo, Zach, Kendall Ryan
72. The Measure, Nikki Erlick
73. The Saint, Nana Malone
74. The Little Paris Bookshop, Nina George
75. You’re Not Listening, Kate Murphy
76. The Book of Dreams, Nina George
77. The King of Attolia, Megan Whalen Turner
78. Twisted Love, Ana Huang
79. Deceit, Ava Harrison
80. His Pretty Little Burden, Nicci Harris
81. A Conspiracy of Kings, Megan Whalen Turner
82. Liminal Thinking, Dave Gray
83. Pearls From the Practice of Life, John Chuck, MD
84. Tallulah’s Temptation, Robyn Peterman
85. Dr. Off Limits, Louise Bay
86. Dr. Perfect, Louise Bay
87. Creating Freedom, Raoul Martinez
88. Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert
89. The Brit, Jodi Ellen Malpas
90. Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff
91. Entice, Ava Harrison
92. Ms. Lead, Amy Booker
93. Winterset Hollow, Jonathan Edward Durham
94. The Second Chance Plan, Lauren Blakely
95. Royally Deceived, JD Carothers (ALC)
96. [The Power of Agency, Paul Napper and Anthony Rao]
97. A Dragon’s Tale, Donna Grant
98. The Rook, Nana Malone
99. Heart of Thorns: A Dark Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
100. Conceal, Ava Harrison
101. The Likely Resolutions of Oliver Clock, Jane Riley
102. The Earl on the Train, Kerrigan Byrne
103. [The Enigma, Jodi Ellen Malpas]
104. Bad Blood, Bella Jacobs
105. Boyslut, Zachary Zane
106. Dumped, Actually, Nick Spalding
107. Heart of Fury: A Dark Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
108. From Here to Eternity, Caitlin Doughty
109. Heart of Flames: A Dark Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
110. Write a Must-Read, Anjanette Harper
111. Making Merry, Kerrigan Byrne
112. Smart Brevity, Jim VandeHei, Mike Allen, Roy Schwartz
113. These Walls Can Talk, Erin Mallon
114. These Walls Can Talk 2, Erin Mallon
115. The Dating Playbook (formerly Big Deck Energy), Kim Loraine
116. The Bossy Prince, Lili Valente
117. Hot Asset, Lauren Layne
118. Into the Gray Zone, Adrian Owen
119. Hard Sell, Lauren Layne
120. Beautiful Enemy, Piper Lawson
121. Beautiful Sins, Piper Lawson
122. Huge Deal, Lauren Layne
123. Skin Hungry, Erin Mallon
124. The Grumpy Prince, Lili Valente
125. Improvise!, Max Dickins
126. Beautiful Ruin, Piper Lawson
127. The Architect, Nikki Sloane
128. Give Me More, Sara Cate
129. Three Little Mistakes, Nikki Sloane
130. The Royal Virgins: The Complete Collection, Kim Loraine
131. Thick As Thieves, Megan Whalen Turner
132. Getting Schooled, Emma Chase
133. Wicked Omens,Patricia D. Eddy and Midnight Coven
134. Indefinite, Corrine Michaels
135. Boss Without Benefits, Lili Valente
136. Dirty Letters, Vi Keeland & Penelope Ward
137. My Sinful Longing, Lauren Blakely
138. Instant Gratification, Lauren Blakely
139. Overnight Service, Lauren Blakely
140. Blood Secrets, Lili Valente
141. Dirty Little Secret, Kendall Ryan
142. The Messy Lives of Book People, Phaedra Patrick
143. [The Spy, Nana Malone
144. Close, Laurelin Paige
145. Dirty Little Promise, Kendall Ryan
146. Rory in a Kilt, Anna Durand
147. Torrid Little Affair, Kendall Ryan
148. Tempting Little Tease, Kendall Ryan
149. The Never King, Nikki St. Crowe
150. The Dark One, Nikki St. Crowe
151. The Detour, K Bromberg
152. The Road Back to You, Leah St. Andrews (ARC)
153. Signed, Marni Mann
154. Their Vicious Darling, Nikki St. Crowe
155. The Fae Princes, Nikki St. Crowe
156. Master of Change, Brad Stulberg
157. The Big Bad Office Wolf, May Sage
158. Filthy: Erotic Love Letters, Carrie Ann Ryan and others
159. Sinner, Sierra Simone
160. Rock Hard, LJ Shen
161. Seducing the Innocent, Shayla Black
162. Getting Played, Emma Chase
163. Saint, Sierra Simone
164. [Outlive, Peter Attia
165. Sanguine, Sierra Simone
166. Seducing the Bride, Shayla Black
167. The Long Game, Elena Armas
168. Priest, Sierra Simone
169. Misadventures With a Professor, Sierra Simone
170. Governor, Lesli Richardson
171. Gloria, Sierra Simone
172. Lieutenant, Lesli Richardson
173. Mr. Mayfair, Louise Bay
174. The Knife Man, Wendy Moore
175. Wicked Conjuring, Sarah Piper
176. Dr. Fake Fiancé, Louise Bay (ARC)
177. For Love of Magic, Simon R. Green
178. The Grand Design, Stephen Hawking/Leonard Mlodinow
179. Ordinary Grace, William Kent Krueger
180. Royally Yours, Emma Chase
181. Royally Endowed, Emma Chase
182. [The Fourth Turning, William Strauss/Neil Howe
183. Royally Raised, Emma Chase
184. The Playboy Prince, Lili Valente
185. Hers to Keep, Serena Akeroyd
186. A Billion Wicked Thoughts, Sai Goddam and Ogi Ogas
187. Cocktail, Lauren Smith
188. Holiday Hotness, L. Steele
189. [Theirs to Cherish, Serena Akeroyd
190. [Fake It for Me, Weston Parker]
191. Dream Guy Next Door, Lauren Blakely
192. [What Is Health? Peter Sterling
193. [The Lady and the Orc, Finley Fenn

Articles

• I Was A Married Mom. Then I Started Narrating Erotica — And My Entire Life Changed., Tanya Eby, Huffington Post
• Sexplainit:  If I Enjoyed a Devil’s Threesome, Does That Make Me Bisexual?, Zachary Zane, Men’s Health
• The Psychology of Romance Novel Addiction, staff at The Romance Studio website
• Men Are Lost.  Here’s a Map Out of the Wilderness, Christine Emba, Washington Post
• Why You Should Quit the News, Mark Manson
• Friends Exercise, Simon Sinek

Podcasts and Videos

Andrew’s Daily Five: Movie Themes and Scores and Songs Countdowns, Episodes 1-5 each, August 25-September 15, 2023

Cinema Therapy ARAGORN vs. Toxic Masculinity

Playlists

Agape

Writing

Workout