Attune. Attend. Assess. Adjust. Then Activate and Advocate. Always Adapt.
Turns out I’ve been stress eating for the past six weeks or so. I only noticed a few days ago. I’m past the point of berating or judging myself for it, and I also marvel at how stress can manifest so overtly and insidiously at the same time.
What have been your sub/unconscious signs of stress lately? What would those who know and love you say?
My other current signs are lack of motivation to work out at home and a constant urge to write Jar Smiles. That last one is new, and its impulse strong. I tell the story that the nature and level of my current stress is such that only connection with others, however I can get it, can soothe me. So if I want to get back on the elliptical at home, I should probably schedule calls with friends at that time!
It’s been a rough few weeks for us Blue voters. I wonder who among Red voters feels, or even sees our distress? Every time I talk to my Red voting friends I understand better that we live in wildly divergent information universes. I wish to slowly bridge that gap with high quality primary sources and reporting, shared by and with me. This will take time, patience, openness, and true humility.
I see people advocating in the usual way–with overtly adversarial attitude and tactics. Isn’t that how we got here in the first place? Isn’t it time to reconsider our processes and methods? I am no longer interested in protests or writing postcards. I understand their place in activism, but for me they feel neither soothing nor productive. I think all of our jobs now are to self-soothe and advocate effectively. Venting to members of our own tribes can be cathartic and healing. I listened to friends do this for the better part of an hour this past week. We shared stories, concerns, fears, hopes, and support. I was so gratified to not hear ad hominem attacks on any other humans; only anguish over what is and struggle to figure out what to do.
So we must self-soothe. I don’t recommend stress eating, though the foods I eat under stress now are healthier than in the past. I think writing jar smiles is good, as long as I don’t procrastinate necessary tasks too much to write them (how many loads of laundry need folding, again?). Certainly if I’m lashing out at people, self-harming, or otherwise behaving in high-risk or destructive ways as I seek comfort, that is maladaptive. I hope I would have people around me to both support and hold me accountable for my attitudes and actions, and their consequences.
Once I have de-escalated and regained some equilibrium, once I feel stable and grounded in my values and have clarity on both what needs to happen and how I can contribute, I can then direct my energies and actions mindfully, intentionally, effectively, and in concert with others rather than counter to or in competition.
A dear friend asked today for books on ‘reframing arguments/persuasion.’ I answered:
“-Getting to Yes, Roger Fisher and William Ury
–I Never Thought of It That Way, Mónica Guzmán
–High Conflict, Amanda Ripley
–Think Again, Adam Grant
–Why We’re Polarized, Ezra Klein
“It’s about understanding first, explaining second, converting only incidentally, if at all.
So much easier said than done, especially when feeling stressed and threatened.
Still worth the effort in the long run, if we can muster it, and easier the more we practice/train.
Happy to discuss anytime!!”
That last part continues to resonate and give me hope–discuss and take time–repeatedly and in earnest. Healing Through Connection.
I have just causes to advance: women’s health, a stronger and more reliable healthcare system in general, and above all, healthier relationships between humans in any and all contexts. These are infinite games which will outlast my lifetime. If any of us plans to make a meaningful contribution to our respective just causes, then our job is to stay fit enough to continue playing. We must adapt our strategies and execution to conditions and players as they evolve and emerge. We can commit to our Why and be flexible with the Hows and the Whats, as Simon Sinek says.
I think I may have successfully reset a bit this weekend. I connected with friends and family, made good food, and did my first 8am conditioning workout at Ethos in a month. The little love notes hit their marks, I am told. The stress eating awareness already diminishes the impulse; my agency has re-emerged and my nutrition rudder restablized.
All of our highest self-care and relationship skills are called forth now and for the foreseeable future, my friends.
I have confidence that we can meet this challenge if we walk together, no matter how we voted, in humility, generosity, kindness, and collaboration.
Healing Through Connection 
Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Catherine. I’ve been struggling mentally and emotionally since this new administration took office. While I find the new policies and cabinet picks to border on the insane, what I am finding most troubling is how emboldened the racists and white Christian nationalists have become since trump took office. They are no longer afraid to “shout from the mountain tops’ their racist, fascist rhetoric. I fear that minorities and gays (I have a gay son) are at an added risk nowadays. Add to this the laxity of gun regulation, and you have a recipe for disaster. Our only stopgap currently appears to be the courts. They’ve been able to stop or at least postpone some of the attempts to change law and policy.
I’m working on self-soothing (exercise regularly, meditate daily, foster my close relationships, eat sort of healthy). What is most challenging is finding the right balance between staying informed and watching too much of the news/social media about what is happening. Any suggestions here?
peace, John John M Ventura
[image: logo] https://spinecarepartners.com/ [image: profile image] John M. Ventura, DC Director of Education Email: john.ventura@spinecarepartners.com Tel: +1 (585) 943-7680 Website: https://spinecarepartners.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-m-ventura-0030a511/
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Hi John!
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your thoughts and feelings. I hope you and your family are well?
What are you hearing people say around you? The ‘shouting from the mountaintops’–are you seeing/hearing it first hand? Am I correct to infer that you’re referring to persecution and acts of violence by regular citizens on other regular citizens? I know you’re not alone in that fear, and I wonder what the data is for this during the last Trump term? And if there was an increase, I wonder if it persisted or reverted to baseline levels during the last four years? I also wonder about the geography of such data–is it more likely in Red voting areas, and what other demographics it tracks with? OH the sociologists have so much to study! But for those of us with marginalized loved ones (don’t we all have people we love who are marginalized in one way or another?), the threat feels much more personal, doesn’t it?
Regarding the balance of information consumption, I am similarly challenged, as I think many are. I stopped reading opinion pieces a few years ago, and that definitely helps–all it did was agitate me, with no relief or actionable advice. I have stopped subscribing to NYT and WaPo. I get the Dispatch daily and read the headlines. I see NPR and Free Press headlines on my Instagram feed and scroll through the slides/captions. I read Heather Cox Richardson’s nightly newsletter. I get Senator John Hickenlooper’s newsletter. I feel well enough informed and not flooded. Whenever I see a headline or post that feels agitating or baiting, I get critical first, then look at the source. I take emotionally charged stories with a grain of salt–not that they are not true, but that the reporters may be overgeneralizing and aiming to agitate more than inform. I’m trying to look past rhetoric and see the real time, on the ground direct ramifications of formal actions and policy changes. So far it’s a lot of uncertainty about how/whether all kinds of agencies can continue to function, federal employees who don’t know if they’ll still have a job tomorrow, let alone how they’re supposed to execute those jobs. I’m picturing research labs across the country and collaborators around the world now unclear how to proceed with projects that require planning and funding for months or years in advance of having and results to evaluate–how do they make decisions in this chaotic climate? People have compared the last three weeks to bombings and it feels about right.
What helps me most is mindfulness practice: Deep breathing, observing everything with enough detachment to not get sucked into drama, and enough concern to stay alert to where I can take action and make a difference. All of my legislative representatives are Blue; I’m feeling very little direct impact of anything the last three weeks. I’m debating how engaged I want to be in other political mechanics elsewhere, eg donating to special elections in other states, etc. And mostly I want to stay in touch with my Red voting friends and make sure we continue to share informationa and perspectives.
Long reply! Thank you again for your comment, and best wishes, John! 🙂 –cc
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I think I’m basing most of my concern on his previous presidency and current posts of hate speech on social media. During Obama’s tenure, hate crimes actually decreased, but from 2017 – 2019 hate crimes increased significantly, with much of this blamed on Trump’s rhetoric (they don’t feel trump created their hate, but emboldened them to speak out and act on their hate). Further evidence was that hate crimes were highest in those counties that were the strongest trump supporters. There was a 22% increase in the number of neo nazi groups formed in 2018. When Musk took control of Twitter/X, hate speech more than doubled on this social media platform. With him now “in the white house’, these racists are further emboldened. And while it will take more time to see the real effect of this new administration on hate crimes, there have been a notable increase in the number of neo nazi public demonstrations just since Jan 20, 2025. There have been numerous small demonstrations at local court houses, public parks, state capitals.
We’ve gone way beyond this being about political differences. This has become about people’s identities. And again, I don’t think trump caused this hatred, but he did foment the hatred that emboldened these hate groups to be more public. There was a strong pro-Hitler movement in the late 1930s here in the US with some notable followers: a few US Senators, Charles Lindbergh, so the hate groups are not something new. The greater risk today is that we (as a society) have become desensitized to the hate and rhetoric, even to some of the acts.
I believe we each have two responsibilities today: first, to ‘self-soothe’ as you’ve suggested. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t be of help to others. So I meditate daily, exercise some every day, journal every day, sit and watch the birds in the mornings, and do my best to offer forgiveness (especially when i don’t want to). But we have a 2nd responsibility, and that is to reach out to our Congressional representatives daily if necessary and voice our opinions.
Thank you for providing a forum for this discussion Catherine. We’re resilient people, and I have faith that eventually, we will do the right thing as a society. But it will take a collective effort. peace to you. John [image: logo] https://spinecarepartners.com/ [image: profile image] John M. Ventura, DC Director of Education Email: john.ventura@spinecarepartners.com Tel: +1 (585) 943-7680 Website: https://spinecarepartners.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-m-ventura-0030a511/
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AIYAH John!
Thank you so much for this reply and all of this information! I’m not surprised at the correlations, and I keep wondering how we get at the root of it all… I often think of this re-emergence of hate speech and acts as opening and draining an chronic abscess–the pus of unrest, dissatisfaction–none of these words encompass the whole story, not even hatred, I think–finally free to ooze out from confinement…Messy, painful, foul-smelling, and demanding attention… It’s anger/rage in the final manifestation, right?… And if we assume that anger is where other, more difficult emotions and experiences sublimate to behavior, then that makes me a little less rageful in response, I think? I keep coming back to the idea of compassionate accountability. No matter how hurt we are, we still do not have the right to hurt others, and we must hold one another accountable for the pain we cause, intentional or not…
And YES, connect with our representatives. Remind them that their oath is to the Constitution, and their job is to represent their constituents. Although, with the districts drawn the way they are and how they get voted into office, I wonder about the efficacy of that, too–maybe the *are* already doing what the majority of their constituents want? You make me think more, though. If I communicate with my reps now, I will try to write specific requests, provide personal stories and context, even communication coaching?? Huh! As in my role as physician, I can see my place as consitutent as *helper*: Imagining my rep in the halls of Congress, engaging with opposition, and placing myself on their shoulder, giving them encouragement, evidence, words, and support to have the hard conversations, manage their adversarial impulses, and really get shit done?? Oooo, thank you for stimulating this line of thought, John!!
It’s all so complex! I think we need to pull more on our learnings of complex adaptive systems, cone in the box, and open/honest questions from LOH here? 🙂
Leadership occurs wherever we can be an example and influence others, right?
And yes, I think we can and will get through this trial. Just wondering what it will cost us all in the end, and whether we will have learned enough to not have to lose so much in the future. I am both optimistic and pessimistic. Thank you again, John! I hope we can continue the conversation, here and otherwise! 🙂
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