What is the opposite of gratitude? Today I think of it as taking things for granted. Because isn’t that what often triggers gratitude, when the deep meaning and value of everyday things suddenly hits us in the face, and we realize how we have not fully appreciated or reveled in any of it recently? I don’t write this to shame anybody, or to make us feel guilty for being ‘ungrateful.’ I often find contrast and comparison a helpful way to solidify an idea or learning. Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate, and to all who do not, may this day and all days bring meaning and connection anyway! Onward:

How do I do gratitude well already?
–Like mindfulness, my gratitude practice is more informal than formal. That said, it is intentional and strong. I express gratitude often and readily; I feel it more frequently than I can say, and often more deeply than words can convey. I’ve also reflected on it long and continually; an early post on this blog, one of the original thoughts I most wanted to convey at the outset in April 2015, described the relationships between gratitude, generosity, and peace. Rereading it now, I still endorse it all, and then some.

How could I do better?
–ACK. Everything that I could do better in gratitude circles back to my most difficult relationships. DAMN. I suppose we each/all have our highest walls, the greatest inner challenges–the primary work of a given lifetime. *sigh* Funny, I was moved yesterday to journal more intentionally about what I take for granted, and my gratitude needle moved some. So more of that, maybe: a regular discipline around that for which I resist gratitude. How fascinating.

How does society already do gratitude well?

Not just lip service. I have written before that Thanksgiving feels contrived to me. I feel this less now than in 2016. Many people really do take this season, and this day in particular, to reflect more deeply in gratitude. My impression is that this grateful sense also often extends through the whole holiday season. So I wonder, with annual gratitude awareness, what is the cumulative effect and benefit, if any?

How could we all do better together?

Abundance mindset.
I think it’s worth sharing again what I wrote in that post from 2015. Referring to the Zanders’ work in The Art of Possibility:
“Scarcity is when there actually aren’t enough resources to meet everybody’s needs; scarcity thinking is operating as if this were the case, when it really isn’t. Scarcity thinking at its best may foster healthy competition and innovation, and at worst, aggression, indifference, or even violence. In contrast, the Zanders discuss the notion of abundance. If we lived and operated in a world we assumed to be abundant, or at least enough for our needs, what would that look like?
“…That peace that comes with thankfulness is the antithesis of scarcity. 
“When we practice gratitude, we practice peace. We exude it. It manifests in our expressions and actions. Gratitude makes us creative, by lifting the need to hoard and compete. We come together, collaborate, look for our common passions and visions. We offer more of ourselves to others because we have faith that they will do the same. We know because they did it before—that is why we are grateful.”

Make it part of who we are.
I also referenced David Brooks’s article on gratitude that year:
“…people with dispositional gratitude take nothing for granted. They take a beginner’s thrill at a word of praise, at another’s good performance or at each sunny day. These people are present-minded and hyperresponsive.
“This kind of dispositional gratitude is worth dissecting because it induces a mentality that stands in counterbalance to the mainstream threads of our culture.
“…people with dispositional gratitude are hyperaware of their continual dependence on others. They treasure the way they have been fashioned by parents, friends and ancestors who were in some ways their superiors. They’re glad the ideal of individual autonomy is an illusion because if they were relying on themselves they’d be much worse off.
“Gratitude is also a form of social glue. In the capitalist economy, debt is to be repaid to the lender. But a debt of gratitude is repaid forward, to another person who also doesn’t deserve it. In this way each gift ripples outward and yokes circles of people in bonds of affection. It reminds us that a society isn’t just a contract based on mutual benefit, but an organic connection based on natural sympathy — connections that are nurtured not by self-interest but by loyalty and service.”
So eloquent, that man, I admire him so much.

So, I’m still not all in on Traditional American Thanksgiving. One of my life goals is still to never cook a turkey. I do not oppose gathering, reflecting, communing–I love all of these things—any time, any day, for any reason, actually. Whatever we are doing this Thanksgiving, my wish for us all is that it’s meaningful, nourishing, and fulfilling. And if not, well, we can be with that too, and I wish that we may not suffer too much or unecessarily.
Peace and blessings on you all, my friends.
So grateful for this platform and opportunity to connect.

If you’re looking for something inspirational, listen to Granted, by Josh Groban.