Category Archives: NaBloPoMo

Seek the Stories

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Do you have time in your doctors’ appointments to tell the story of your problem?  Do you even think of it as a story?  More and more I find myself saying to people, after they have given a list of symptoms in no particular order, “Tell me the story, starting from when you last felt well/normal.”  Then it all comes out in an interesting narrative, often with new insights as to causes, connections, and exacerbating factors along the way.

Do you read more fiction or nonfiction?  I have always been a non-fiction gal.  I appreciated The Grapes of Wrath and devoured the Harry Potter and Percy Jackson series, but usually I avoid novels.  My favorite books this decade are The Art of Possibility, Rising Strong, Big Magic, Start With Why, and Give and Take.  I realize now that these books are also full of stories—just real-life ones.  I have tried to incorporate more stories in my writing, and I find it challenging and awkward.  But I will keep trying, maybe take a creative writing class someday.

I have heard some amazing stories recently, and I will get some details wrong, but I want to share them with you, in case they touch you as they touched me.

A doctor attends a mindfulness workshop because he is interested in mind-body medicine and always looking for new methods to explore his inner world.  Part of the workshop is a professional quality of life survey, on which he scores very high for compassion satisfaction and low for burnout.  He says it’s because this is a second career for him.

He always wanted to be a doctor growing up.  He was accepted to medical school in his home country, but his family could not afford it.  So he stuck with science and went to school the cheapest way possible, and graduated with a biology degree.  Over the years he got married and immigrated to the United States.  He never forgot his dream of being a doctor, but progressed nevertheless in his graduate basic science studies.  When he applied to allopathic medical school here in the 1980s, he was told that since his BS was from abroad and the class was already ‘culturally imbalanced,’ he would not be admitted.

He was offered a spot in an osteopathic school, however, and grabbed it.  Meanwhile his wife was pregnant with their first child.  He had to move away from her and his parents for residency, and while he was away his father died.  Sometime in there his wife also started medical school, and they made it through training and the births of two children (with two weeks maternity leave each for her) intact.  They are now both well-respected primary care physicians in a small outlying community.  He is a physician educator and leader.  They sit side by side at the dining room table on Sunday nights catching up on notes.  They call these their “Epic dates.”  [Epic is the name of a widely used electronic health record.]  Both of their children are doctors.  He never feels burned out; he is living his dream.

Another doctor, a leader in his field and his institution, and a black man, described everyday racism that most of us cannot fathom.  A neighbor approached him on the beach of his own lake house, accusing him of trespassing.  Passing drivers backed up to confront him at his mailbox, suspecting him of stealing some white person’s mail.  A cop pulls him over around the corner from his suburban home in a nice neighborhood, asking, “What are you doing around here?”

A man in his 50s breeds guppies for fun.  It started with his 5th grade teacher, who was his mom’s best friend.  He used to go over to her house with his mom, and got interested in her guppy tanks.  Now he has hundreds of his own tanks, and he knows everything there is to know about inbreeding, crossbreeding, guppy circadian rhythms, and where the world’s experts on guppy breeding live and work.  Now I know this is a thing.

Mr. Rogers is quoted as saying, “There isn’t anyone you couldn’t learn to love once you’ve heard their story.”  I wholeheartedly agree.

 

It’s a Bad Day, Uncle Groper

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What if your favorite uncle, whom you have always regarded as funny, warm, loving, and virtuous, if a little odd, were accused of sexual harassment or assault?  This is what it feels like to learn of Al Franken’s assault on Leann Tweeden in 2006.  I feel nauseated, embarrassed, disappointed, and confused.  I have liked Al Franken for a long time, ever since his Stuart Smalley bits on Saturday Night Live.  It wasn’t until I listened to his recent memoir, Al Franken, Giant of the Senate, that I learned more about him and liked him even better.  He’s a little too sarcastic and biting for me sometimes, but after hearing his stories of how he became a Democrat and what motivated him to run for office, his family’s emotional journeys and how things work in the Senate, I came to see him as a respectable public servant with the interests of his constituents and all Americans at heart.  I have recommended his book to many of my friends.  I have regarded him as a champion for all things progressive, including women’s rights and equality.

And now all of that is thrown in the blender with allegations that I assume are true.

How do I reconcile this?  How does a person, whom I still believe respects women at his core, behave like this?  Ever?  Do I throw away everything about him that I believed was virtuous, everything he has said and written that I agree with, his decades-long marriage, and relabel him as a misogynist because of this one revelation?  Do I assume that because now we know of one, there must be dozens of others?

I am forced to compare my response to allegations against him to that of allegations against Roy Moore.  I don’t know anything about Roy Moore, but he’s an ultra-conservative Republican (I am a heavily left-leaning independent), so if he goes down for sexual assault, I’m not that bothered, and I’m judgmental of people who defend him.  I must concede that neither party can claim moral superiority.  Just this week at least three articles examined the precedent set by Bill Clinton’s sexual escapades from which he plainly escaped a rightful accounting; the precedent his (and Hillary’s) dismissal of all allegations set for everything we see now, and why he should have resigned after admitting his abuse of power.  And today Nate Silver laid out an excellent case for Al Franken to resign now.  I agree that that would be the epitome of Walking the Talk, aside from not having committed the groping in the first place.

My inner conflict now churns on two levels.  First, I must decide what I now think and feel about Al Franken, whether I can still trust him, and how I will interpret any of his words or actions hereafter.  I feel betrayed, and the positivity needle in my mind has how swung a few degrees more toward cynicism, which I hate.  Second, I must examine my immediate reactions when such allegations are made against my political opponents.  I think we can agree that there are some cases of flagrant misogyny, based on years of evidence of poor principles and lack of respect in multiples realms of a person’s life, and we are not concerned with their political leanings—assholes are assholes regardless of party.  But if and when a reputable conservative were to be accused, would I give him the same benefit of the doubt that I wanted to give Al Franken today?  Shouldn’t I try harder to be both objective and compassionate, and rise above my political biases?  Is it appropriate to say we all make mistakes, and that we should give people a chance to prove that they now know better?  If I am willing to say that for Franken today (and I’m not sure I am), will I be willing to say it for, say, Jeff Flake tomorrow?

We all need to decide for ourselves how much we are willing to abide by the standards to which we hold others.  It’s easy until we find ourselves in hot water. So do we lower our standards or rise to the occasion?  Perfectionism and shame loom heavy when we aspire to live a virtuous life, and we can also become arrogant and judgmental.  Then again, looseness with integrity is no way to lead, either.  I wonder what I would do if I were in Al Franken’s shoes tonight.

Dance for Your Health!

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My friend posted an article with this title: “Neuroscientists Finally Revealed the Number One Exercise for Slowing Down the Aging Process.”  Well who wouldn’t click on that?  I admit, I did not think long enough to guess the exercise, but I somehow knew it would not be running or weight lifting.  Turns out, according to the article and the study it cites, it’s dancing.

“Of course it’s dancing!” I said to myself and commented on my friend’s page.  That makes so much sense.  It’s fast (or at least it can be), so you get your cardio.  It requires flexibility, erect posture, and excellent core stability and strength—all physical attributes of healthy aging.  Dance steps, taken in temporal and spatial order, require visual, auditory, and motor coordination, connecting all different parts of the brain at once, in concert and synchronization.  Moreover, I’m convinced that the simple rhythm of music resonates with something deeper in us, something transcendent, which must have anti-aging neuro-hormonal benefits!

In addition, dancing is usually done with others.  This social aspect of the activity cannot be underestimated, especially as we age.  I am convinced and have said many times on this blog and in life, it’s our relationships that kill us or save us.  And when we’re having fun dancing to songs and rhythms that move collective body and soul all at once, that has to be a good thing.

So basically, dancing activates key areas of the brain and body in an orchestrated fashion, igniting motion, joy, connection, exhilaration, sensory integration, creativity, passion, cardiovascular elasticity, and fun.  How could this not make us all younger?

The article, however, describes changes in the brain that occurred in 2 groups of elderly study participants, one randomized to dance classes with varying choreography, the other to training for strength, endurance, and flexibility. The primary measure of ‘anti-aging’ was measurement of the hippocampus area of the brain and its sub-regions.  Both groups had increases in volume in this area, but the dance group had increases in more sub-regions than the exercise group.  This is a far less exciting interpretation of ‘slowing down the aging process’ than my own instant and intuitive “a-HA” conclusions above.

It’s okay though, because I can choose to follow my own understanding while the scientists continue their quest for the neuroanatomic proof of what we all know through living.  Mine is the deduction that will resonate with people and help get my kids, friends, family, and patients moving (dancing!) toward more optimal and youthful health.

I learned from my trainer about the five factors that keep kids in sports; we agree they are the same five factors that keep adults in any exercise routine:

  1. It’s FUN. Who wants to do something three to five times a week that’s a total slog?  So we gotta find something we enjoy, that we look forward to doing.  Just this brings the exercise threshold to a low enough activation energy that anyone can do it.
  2. Our friends are doing it. I have not studied the social aspects of exercise and motivation, but I know this is a common experience.  We have more fun and work out harder, and time goes by faster when we’re with our friends.  Not to mention, the exercise becomes a bonding activity.  Here is one of many summaries of the benefits of workout buddies.
  3. We feel like we fit in. I used to think this was the same as #2.  But this is more about self-consciousness.  It’s distracting and kills motivation.  Maybe all you need is to buy the cute yoga clothes and hang out at the back of the class to feel like you fit in enough, while you fake it ‘til you make it.  Or maybe you need to go with your friend who’s been a hundred times, who can introduce you to her buddies, who will welcome you, and you will immediately feel like one of the tribe.  That acceptance fosters relaxation that allows you to engage with your full presence and then some.
  4. We feel competent. This one is key, I think.  If we walk into the gym with no idea how to use the equipment, or walk on the court feeling embarrassment about our poor skills, we are far less likely to return than if we can say to ourselves (quietly), “I’ got this, bring it.”  Competence prevents injury and breeds confidence, which fuels motivation, and then–
  5. We feel we can improve. We relish the challenge.  One more push up, pull up, half mile, weight bar; better form, faster pace, farther distance—when we feel inspired to reach, stretch, and expand our limits, we cannot wait to get back at it.  Can you not hear Gloria Estefan singing in your head right this moment??

So get your groove on, my friends.  Even if it doesn’t make you younger, it’ll make whatever time you have in this life a lot more fun and memorable!