Me, about my Inner Work: “I’ve done all the work I can do with shovels. Now I need drills.”
Astute and honest friend: “Or brushes.”

These last several weeks, new insights about my recurrent emotional patterns have emerged in rapid succession. The mind and body know when it’s time to go deeper, when there is bandwidth, I think. And the more I learn about myself, the more there is to learn, about both myself and the methods of learning. The work is infinite, and sometimes we can take a lighter touch.

Talk therapy, coaching, and books can all help us on our way to self-discovery, -understanding, and -regulation. As Christine reminded me recently, I can hold it all loosely. The Work I have done to date makes me generally calm, open, and relatively equanimitous. I should ask those who know me whether thay agree. I still feel physical effects of agitation, and I tolerate them much better. I notice when an uncomfortable encounter lingers on my psyche, and I explore it without the judgement and anxiety I once did. I recognize the feeling of resolution after working through it, and give myself space to debrief that arc of conflict from trigger to conclusion. Each instance teaches me again and anew.

What books have helped you on your self-exploration journey? See some of my recent ones below. I read more slowly these days, giving myself more time to question, explore, and reflect.

So maybe I don’t actually need drills now (yet? ever?). Maybe brushes, yes–all different kinds. Soft and strong, large and small, brooms to watercolor, wielded with knowledgeable if not expert hands, at appropriately chosen excavation sites, with teams of open, curious, and collegial explorers whose goal is to discover, consider, and tell plausible, informative, relevant, and useful stories, and hold them all loosely and lovingly. And what a perfect season now, both this time of year and this time in my life, to wade a little further into the Work. Nice and slow, gentle and kind, curious, humble, honest, and with integrity. That feels right.

Books:
Years ago — The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford
Why We Love, Helen Fisher
Existential Kink, Carolyn Elliott, PhD
The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk, MD
Romancing the Shadow, Zweig and Wolf
The Self-Led Internal Family Systems Workbook, Tanis Jo Allen, LMSW, ACSW