Tag Archives: personal growth

Family Time

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Seoul, South Korea

Hello from Seoul, South Korea, friends!

Here with the family on a speaking (Hubs) and school project (Daughter) vacation; could not be more grateful. That we can take this trip all together, I could hand off patient care for a week with complete confidence, and we can spend these days in one another’s company relaxed and connecting for the first time abroad in two years—wow, what a privilege and a joy.

We have reconnected in quality time with one another and also with old friends from the kids’ grade school years. That was so special.

Last month I referenced the four thousand weeks of the average human lifespan. It’s the equivalent of 100 pregnancies. I just realized why that reframe hits such a soft spot right now. Pregnancy feels like forever, then it’s all but forgotten in the maelstrom of newborn care and raising children to adulthood. There is some math about the percentage of kids’ time spent in the home of their family of origin and how the vast majority of it has passed by the time they leave for college. It’s a duh-HA kind of calculation, one that makes perfect sense cognitively and also doesn’t hit a parent until the kid/s is/are actually flown and we realize how seldom we will actually see them hereafter.

It’s a natural order of things. Children grow up and separate from parents. And of course they can always come home, anytime for any reason. I have stuff to do that has waited for this season, yet part of me feels guilty for looking so giddily forward to it. I suppose it may just be the nature of parenting, this self- versus other- first ambivalence? Regardless, the relationship is unique and mundane, ordinary and sacred. What a privilege and challenge, an incredible journey.

With our second and last college launch only a few months away, revelations and insights about family, parenting, and relationships in general hit heavy and strong. I find myself slowing down, allowing the feels with more reverence than last time. I will cross this bridge in no rush. I will savor it more this time, pay more thoughtful attention.

This family trip feels different and special. How lovely. Signing off now from ‘the future,’ as my Aussie friend calls it. Ha. That feels appropriate for this unintentional precipice post. 😊

Holding Appreciation

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Photo by Eileen Barrett

Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate. Wishing all a sense of peace, connection, and of course gratitude.

From Facebook

On holidays like Thanksgiving and Mother’s Day, I really appreciate posts like this, which remind us how conventionally observed events land differently for people.

From Instagram

These messages remind me to not take things for granted. They help me recognize my privileges, earned and unearned. It’s not about provoking guilt, shame, blame or anger, or pointing out oppression. It’s also more than simply acknowledging gratitude in the usual way.

It’s an important practice in perspective. Each reminder that everybody doesn’t move through the world as I do, people perceive the same events in widely divergent ways, and there are always multiple valid points of view, grounds me in awareness, humility, empathy, compassion, and non-judgment.

I do not advocate deriving life meaning from comparison to others. Still, appreciation for all I have that others don’t, my top 1% default life, gives me pause, as well it should. MaBa started life as their parents fled the Communist Revolution in China. While survival may have only been threatened briefly, real material scarcity imprinted on my elder generations’ psyches in ways I will never truly fathom. Recalling life as college and medical students, and even as residents, prompts Hubs and me to appreciate deeply the freedoms our current status affords us. Physicians enjoy very high standing in our culture, both financially and socially, and yet nothing is guaranteed. Fortunes can turn on a dime. I don’t spend time or energy ruminating on this, but I practice cognizance so in the event of catastrophe, at least I appreciated what I had when I had it.

This reflection evokes a sense of responsibility, accountability, contribution, and community. It motivates me from wishing to wanting to working for all to have at least the basics to live safely, securely, and with dignity, and more ideally to thrive in full societal engagement, fulfillment, and joy.

Gratitude and thanksgiving feel good. Gathering to celebrate and express the sentiments connects us. If it can also move us to turn our gratitude outward and present as helpers in the world, in any way, then all the better.

I Hold Appreciation for Us tonight. May we root deeply in gratitude for all we have, and seek to grow prosperity beyond ourselves, however we can.

Bit Post: My Pack Is Thrown

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Committed.

All my stuff—my ideas, things I want to share and explore—is in the pack.

Gotta go where I’ve thrown it, on the other side of the river.

The River of Fear. Self-doubt. Disbelief. Naysaying.

Now I must find my way across the river

Myself

Without getting swept away and over the falls.

Brave the rapids. Find my footing or make my raft, get over it.

Pick up the project and keep walking, marching with it on dry land.

However hilly, rocky, slippery, snowy, or uncertain.

Or maybe I have help?

Am I really alone?

😏