How do you see and experience your masculine and feminine sides?
Consider your strengths and vulnerabilities–how do you relate them, if at all, to gendered aspects of your personality, behavior, and biases? How would others answer these questions about you?
I’ve thought about this idea sporadically for many years, from writing my residency application essay to interacting with fellow physicians in different specialities, to caring for patients in corporate leadership roles grappling with gender stereotypes and biases. It’s complex and fascinating, intuitive and also worth parsing intellectually. The language can be so charged that having a truly open and curious, non-judgmental and exploratory conversation about it is often challenging. Many thanks to my friends who engage and exchange with me so willingly and generously.
This post will live in the questions more than seek answers. I intend to describe and explore, and invite you to do the same. As I consider what to include here, I feel open, calm, welcoming, warm and giddy with potential connection. I wish for a convening, not just of people–readers of this blog–but of the diverse aspects within any one of us. I hold space for fluid and dynamic integration, for easy flow of energy in an infinite, three-dimensional loop of experience that adapts to context, needs, and goals for individuals and collectives alike.
Does this description feel feminine to you? It does to me, and it aligns with how feminine, or yin 陰 energy is often described. The other night as I discussed non-adversarial advocacy with dear friends, I felt the energy of proactivity, purpose, mission, and leadership–what many would align with masculine, or yang 陽 traits. When I think of me at my best, I strive for ‘Strong Back, Soft Front,” integrating these apparently opposing or dissonant vibrations into something coherent, adaptive, and beneficial for myself, my relationships and my contributions to spaces I inhabit.
If we define masculine and feminine as ‘energies,’ then I think we can agree that all humans, regardless of gender, possess both. They manifest in infinite combinations depending on myriad factors. Both energies serve us, and their healthy integration elevates our relationships and effectiveness exponentially, compared to when they are imbalanced.
In the graphic above, add ‘dominating,’ ‘homophobic,’ and ‘misogynist’, and ‘hyper-‘ to ‘competitive’ on the list of words describing Masculine Imbalance. Consider both men and women who exhibit these traits, yourself included, and the contexts in which they occur. In my residency essay I explicitly stated my awareness of medicine as a male-dominated profession, and that I wanted to avoid exhibiting negative male traits as I navigated my career, while also standing up for my own beliefs and ideas. I also intended not to let my naturally caring and agreeable nature be taken advantage of.
Now look at the descriptors of Feminine Imbalance, and think of when/where in your life you observe these traits in yourself and others. If we are honest, I think we can recognize parts of ourselves in all of these words, in certain contexts and relationships.
These traits and their integration are especially important to me in leadership. The best leaders do the inner work to integrate both receptive and assertive, nurturing and directive, caring and accountable, soft and strong aspects of themselves, so they may manifest all of it in cohesive and holistic presence for the benefit of all. These leaders are both attuned (feminine) and differentiated (masculine): They sense the emotions and needs of those they lead and still maintain focus and direction to move us together from the front. For an excellent discussion of an example from fiction, watch Cinema Therapy’s episode, Aragorn vs. Toxic Masculinity. It’s an excellent twenty minutes to spend.
From Verywell Mind, “How to Harness Yin and Yang for Mental Peace and Clarity“, which I also recommend reading:
“What Are Yin and Yang?
“These forces are complementary and present in all phenomena. In some situations, one force might be more dominant. However, this balance may shift depending on what is needed at the given moment.
- “Yin: Yin is characterized as negative, passive, and feminine. It represents the energy of the Earth and moon. It is often described as receptive, dark, cool, soft, still, and contemplative.
- “Yang“: Yang is portrayed as positive, active, and masculine. It represents the energy of the sun. It is often described as energetic, expansive, and warm.
“It is important to remember that while the yin and yang (are) opposite of one another, it does not mean they are oppositional or in conflict. Instead, they can be thought of as balancing energies that complement one another.”
Where do our masculine and feminine traits and presence serve us well? Where are they a liability? How is this a function of how we balance (or don’t) the energies we manifest? When I need to stand firm and call BS, I can do it lovingly, from a place of caring–attuned differentiation–balanced masculinity. This is different from and related to differentiated attunement, where I am open and receptive to others while also maintaining my own separate, independent identity–balanced femininity.
Whether we describe these energies, traits, and tendencies as masculine/feminine, yin/yang, or in other terms altogether, my wish is for us all to be more aware of and intentional about the energies we maintain, emit, and absorb from one another. I wish for us to practice Strong Back, Soft Front. May we all Attune and Differentiate. Consider thinking Both AND when presented with any dichotomy. Integrate the polarities, seek the win-win.
I intend to write more about masculine/feminine, male/female dynamic and relationship. It’s so interesting and also fraught; I look forward to the challenge of expressing the nuances and complexities clearly and invitingly. Let’s see how it goes!
Happy Sunday, all.
Healing Through Connection 