Author Archives: Catherine Cheng, MD

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About Catherine Cheng, MD

I am a general internist in Chicago, Illinois, mother of two, almost native Coloradan, and Northwestern alum. I want to leave the world better for my having lived, by cultivating the best possible relationships between all who know me, and all whom I influence. Join me on this crazy, idealistic, fascinating journey! Look for new posts on the 10th, 20th, and 30th of each month. Opinions posted here are entirely my own, and in no way reflect the opinions or policies of my employer.

Reflect

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NaBloPoMo 2021:  Do Good, Kid

Day 29.  It’s been such a long month that has also flown by.  If you’ve read along all this time, what stands out?  What resonates?  What’s redundant and boring?

I turned 48 this year, 4 cycles of the Chinese zodiac completed.  Looking back at 36, 24, and 12, wow, perspective!  Looking back from March 2020, when we moved all clinical activity remote and shut down all but the most essential operations at work, and pulled together all over work, to now…  So much has changed, and yet we are still us, still doing what we do.  I will find some time to look back on my 5 months away from patients.  Coming back to work has been exactly what I anticipated and also unexpected in many ways. 

“All that you touch You change.  All that you change, Changes you.  The only lasting truth is Change.  God is Change.” –Octavia Butler

I had a list of topics to cover this month.  But each day I ended up writing on an idea that inspired or moved me.  I hit most items on the list, and I can always write later on those still outstanding.  But looking back on 28 days, I’m really happy with what I executed.   Most of the time I set out to write one thing, and inevitably the piece changed to something slightly different.  Fascinating how that happens—and I’m satisfied that the messages are still authentically mine, altered as they were.  I would be happy if the kids looked back on these posts someday and felt encouraged or comforted by them, if they could hear my voice and feel my love.

Look back and learn.  Connect the dots.  See things anew, make new connections; find the light behind the shadows; bring hidden things out into the open.  Reflect with curiosity, humility, respect for your former and future selves.  Acknowledge all those who have helped you along the way, even by challenging or injuring you.  You are the culmination of all of your experiences to date, and then some.  Own it.

Marvel at the journey, take it in.  Be still, get quiet.  Let the reflections shimmer to a smooth surface, or not.  Just allow some space and see what can come.  I think it’s always worth the effort.

Decompress

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NaBloPoMo 2021:  Do Good, Kid

Life often turns out not—so not—how we want.

How do we cope?  Over and over, ad infinitum?

Between hope, expectation, and reality,

Where creep the fissures?

When they propagate into crevasses,

What do we feel?

Disappointment

Guilt

Shame

Anxiety

Rage

Resentment

Resignation

Drop in there, name it.

Spelunk the caves, Shine the light.

Allow, contain; then soothe the hijack.

Find the way out—it may be different each time.

Run; in place if necessary.

Punch, lift, kick, jump, yell, throw—just do no harm.

Talk, but only to someone helpful (if that’s not you, find someone else this time).

Write.  Anything, everything.  Doodle, scribble, jabberwocky.

Take that pent up, swelling, potential(ly negative) energy,

Held under pressure like a great balloon of hot gas;

Expel it.

Aim it to propel you, ya?

In the direction of your meaning, your purpose, your mission,

Or just your peace for now.

Life may be an exercise in elasticity, among other things.

Practice holding strong tension, then releasing it fully.

Repeat.

Condition and train this discipline.

We’ got this.

Always Be Learning

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NaBloPoMo 2021:  Do Good, Kid

There is always something to learn!

Every encounter, every event, every conflict.  Every book, movie, article, conversation.

It doesn’t have to be earth shattering, and we don’t have to brag or talk incessantly about it every time we learn something new.  It’s just good to notice when we find something we’ve never seen/heard/known/expected before.  File it, save it for later, make connections in experience for broader perspective and application.

I think it’s a mindset, really; one that encompasses curiosity, humility, and systems thinking, among other things.  This is the second time my NaBloPoMo life ‘action mantra’ says to ‘be’ something rather than do something.  And it’s okay.  Donna reminded me today of the Being::Doing polarity.  Learning is something we do; we can choose to do it actively—I bet the lessons stick better this way. 

But a Learner is something we are.  We can also choose to see ourselves as such, and I think it makes a difference in our attitudes, behaviors, and relationships—for the better.

It is how and who we are that manifests in what we do.