Category Archives: leadership

Accountability

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What does accountability mean to you? How do you hold it, for yourself and others?

OWN. YOUR. SHIT. No more, no less. The more I think of it, the more I also include fairness and nonjudgment in this concept. At its core, accountability is objective, dispassionate. Ironic, then, that its consistent practice plays a central role in building and maintaining trust, that profound, subjective emotion that can move mountains when strong, and yet can be destroyed in a single breath.

We are almost halfway through the month, friends! Listing my own life practices every day feels like a whole lot of repetitive navel gazing–does it resonate at all? Or are you getting supremely bored? I’m loving it personally, as new insights emerge almost as soon as I sit down each evening, and I see so many nascent and intertwined ideas to develop and expand in the book. Do the societal assessments and admonishments feel pedantic? Redundant and preachy? Oh well, I’m working stuff out here–thanks for joining the ride, and feel free to get off and get back on later, it won’t be like this forever! Okay onward:

How do I already do accountability well?
–I take responsibility. After an initial WTF, ‘you suck’ moment in interpersonal conflict, I am quick to self-assess, ask myself the asshole question, apologize if needed, and make repairs. For operational snags at work I trouble shoot with the team and our collaborative root cause analyses are efficient and effective.
–I invite others to own their stuff, gently. Holding someone accountable is not the same as blaming, shaming, or guilt tripping. The objective is not to make someone ‘feel bad’, but rather to acknowledge and address mistakes and course correct going forward.
–I’m able to separate facts from interpretation, most of the time. Even in the most emotionally charged situations, I’m able to reason through and eventually get to reconciliation.

How could I do better?
–It’s hard to put my finger on it…sometimes I’m in such a rush to take responsibility that I get anxious, almost like it’s a race to blame myself before others can do it–is it virtue signaling? I really do believe, in my thinking brain, what I wrote above. True accountability is not about blame. But my feeling brain may still harbor some false unworthiness that I need to work out?
–I think I can do better at upholding accountability around me. It can be a delicate balance of relationship, task, emotional regulation, and other factors… Sometimes it’s not appropriate to do it in real time, rather people (I) need to cool down, find the loving posture, attitude, and words. This risks missing the opportunity. So I can balance commitment with timing?

How does society do accountability well?

Wheels of Justice. They turn, at least sometimes, if slowly, imperfectly, and incompletely. There are tenacious and resilient people all around working to make visible and accountable that which others would sweep under any rug. Their relentless persistence and infinite mindset truly boggle me, and I bow in admiration.

How could we do better?

Transparency. Political campaign funding. Corporate finance and taxes. Pharmaceutical research. Medical billing. Legal loopholes. We can’t hold anyone accountable if we don’t know who’s doing what. Sunlight is the best disinfectant, as they say–it’s at least a partial truth.

Cull the bureaucracy, grow the manpower. So many systems remind me of the Weasleys’ Burrow, a house built of lopsided additions, ricketty stairs, and hoarded artifacts from divergent historical worlds. FDA drug approval and post market safety monitoring, civil and criminal litigation, employee hiring, promotion, and retention–so much red tape and not enough people who understand and can navigate it–people who do good go overworked and unrecognized and those who do harm fly blithely under the radar, all for far longer than serves us. Like individual people, our organizations and institutions need agility, responsiveness, and adaptiveness to operate optimally in the accelerating complexity of our world. Easier said than done, I know.

What else? How does accountability show up effectively in your life? Where do you really need more? I will revisit this; stay tuned.

Integrity

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Note:
For those of you just joining, I’m doing NaBloPoMo, or National Blog Posting Month, a challenge to publish 30 blog posts in 30 days. This is my 9th year of participation, and the theme is “What’s already good, and what could be better?” I answer these questions for myself personally and as I see society as a whole, for one topic each day of November.

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I love how integrity has these two definitions. I think of a person’s integrity more as the second, as one’s character being unassailably indivisible. It means we show up our whole, honest selves everywhere and with everybody, ourselves included.

There is an identity exercise wherein the self is drawn as a flower, and aspects of identity as petals. The flower is modified by reorienting petals depending on the context in which a person finds themselves–most relevant identity markers in front, most protective around the edges–however the person thinks of themselves as that flower in any given environment. I think this is a fantastic analogy for integrity, because it acknowledges that maintaining wholeness does not necessarily require all parts to be equally visible, vulnerable, dominant, or accessible at the same time. I suspect that for many of us, certain petals are kept out, big, and vibrant, with others more tender and close to the center. Roses have guard petals, tough outer layers that protect the inner petals as the whole bloom opens. Many florists remove the guards for aesthetics, but some recommend retaining them, honoring nature’s form and function. Myriad potential comparisons to the human identity flower here tickle my metaphor-loving brain. What would your flower look like? How does it feel?

How do I do integrity well already?
–How does one answer this question without sounding self-righteous and arrogant? I keep thinking I should ask others, “(How) Does Cathy walk her talk?” That is the true test, because self-delusion is real and too often invisible. Walking the talk is how I define integrity, and it is a high value of mine. I think it shows when as a leader, I don’t ask the team to do anything I would not do myself, and I often do whatever I’m asking right alongside everybody.
–I check in often with those who know and observe me. I seek honest feedback and do my best to receive it graciously, so people feel safe to give it.
–I live by a handful of words and ruminate on them daily: present, open, grounded, kind, loving, smart, curious, generous, fun. If you know me and would describe me this way, then I know I’m living into my integrity.

How can I do it better?
–Could I be louder about amplifying my values? Bolder? More assertive and insistent about enrolling others in advancing my just causes? Somehow that feels like showing off, attention seeking, which is not how I think of integrity…
–When I enter situations of ambivalence and conflict, for instance when honesty may rupture relationship, or showing up loving tempts me to withhold honesty, I can slow down and consider, prioritize my values in context, assess risk and harm of each potential action. I think I do this already… At least I practice awareness and acceptance of that discomfort rather than denying or dismissing. I slow down and try not do speak or do irretrievable things impulsively. I can keep practicing this and keep checking in with those in the mud with me.
–I could be clearer and more explicit in times of ambiguity and conflict about which core values I prioritize, what I’m willing to sacrifice, why, and how that informs my decisions and actions. This is transparency and fair process, which are important to me.

What’s already good about our integrity as a society?

National identity and pride. Freedom. Independence. Innovation. Ingenuity. We Americans identify with these values, and despite our many and significant contradictions, I think we exhibit them clearly in many contexts. I hear people from other countries describe how American culture feels liberated/liberating in many ways (though constricting in others). Those contradictions, though, yikes.

In the small ways. I see people trying evey day to live up to/into their ideals. I am very slow these days to call someone out for hypocrisy–I try to imagine their identity flower and assess which petals they’re showing me, and which I think they have tucked away for now. Those ambivalent and conflicting situations happen more often than we may realize, and we literally make tens of thousands of choices each day. Much of our integrity, then, is maybe autopilot? Ooo, fascinating.

How could we do better?

Honesty. It’s okay to be in it for the money, even if your core value is helping people. Just be clear about which of these takes priority, especially when they come into conflict. Make a plan to reorient actions to align as closely as possible as soon as possible, to true core values in the future. Or admit outright that your core values have simply changed. Honesty and integrity go hand in hand in my mind.

Self-compassion. Sometimes it will look on the outside that we have really thrown our values away. For leaders especially, not all aspects of every decision can be disclosed at large. Competing interests and goals scramble our delusions of idealistic, binary, black and white, right and wrong, yes BUT. If we’re really honest, and give ourselves some grace for the hard places we live and work, I think we can find our way more easily to the right, if uncomfortable, next steps.

Psychological Safety. After we have assessed our own morals honestly, drawn our contextual flower as accurately as we can, talked ourselves off the ledge of (or put on some armor to protect against) potential public shaming, and taken some firm, grounded steps forward in our own integrity (tenuous as it may sometimes feel), then we can start to extend these graces to others. Psychological safety in groups spreads more efficiently and effectively if initiated by designated leaders; and any of us can also lead by this example.

It strikes me again now that I did not choose these 30 topics intending for them to overlap so much. Do I just have a dearth of new ideas to express? Or do these concepts/practices intersect so tightly that we simply cannot consider any independently of the others? I think of the human body–we study and practice medicine in quasi-silos: cardiology, pulmonology, infectious disease, endocrinology, orthopaedics, psychiatry, neurology, etc. And yet we all know that none of these systems operates normally with all of the others. I wonder what would occupy each segment of a Venn diagram of any/all of my 30 topics this year? Ooo, that could be fun experiment.

OK on to the next, my friends. It’s late and I’m running out of gas. Accountability tomorrow. Oh yeah, that’s gonna be a good one. 😉

Polarity Management

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Yes, AND.

This is the central tenet of polarity management. It’s about holding divergent and apparently opposing ideas or positions at the same time, understanding that their relationship is actually complementary and mutually strengthening rather than perpetually conflicting. Masculine/feminine, individual/collective, conservative/progressive, strong/soft, diplomacy/candor, top down/bottom up–what else? Can we frame any two antagonistic ideas in an infinity polarity loop of inextricable relationship? I say yes. Because it puts us into novel perspectives, prompting a mindshift into possibility, creativity, and connection.

I am waiting on permission to use a seminal image from Polarity Partnerships, the organization founded around the idea that in any polar dichotomy, there is a dynamic flow and balance between the advantages and disadvantages of focusing energy and action on either pole. When we can maximize the benefits and minimize the costs of each pole, then leadership and organizations thrive. It’s much easier to show than tell; fingers crossed I’m allowed to share the image; check out their homepage and you will see what I mean.

13 November 2023: Here it is!

Polarity Map® is a registered trademark of Barry Johnson & Polarity Partnerships, LLC. Commercial use encouraged with permission.

How do I already manage polarities well?
–Since I learned the concept during leadership training in 2019, I now think easily in complementary polarities. I was primed c.2000 when my residency classmate introduced me to “Yes, AND”. She took an improv class and invited me to play a game in the workroom. Thanks, Carol! Now whenever I feel an initial resistance or opposition to something, I look for the juxta(op)position that gives that two-sided coin perspective.
–Polarity management and trade-offs feel related to me. I think in terms of the latter more and more, also since 2019, when I read Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. At the end of an elderly life, there is often tension between independence (goal of the elderly) and safety (goal of their family), and a peaceful end of life usually means compromises on both sides. Increasingly as I counsel patients on habit change, I acknowledge that trade offs will be necessary, and only they can define and decide which are and are not worth making, based on their values and goals. I find that approaching behavior in this way eliminates judgment, and also opens the door for flexibility and evolution without (or with less) regret. It is simply flow and growth.
–I definitely parent better from an integrated polarity perspective. Mostly it’s about letting go and hanging on, advising and commanding, that delicate and heavy handed balance. I tend toward a laissez faire parenting style, which risks the kids feeling neglected if I lean too far into my default. I’m getting better at seeing the pitfalls, and I still have some work to do.

How could I manage polarities better?
–Some people in my life prioritize their values and goals very differently from me. I sometimes sit in rigid judgment of this, dismissing their perspective as inferior in some way. I can do better at recognizing the benefits of having these people around to balance and bend my hard biases.
–I will look for strong polarity integration around me and call it out/forth. I will reinforce and amplify it. I will do my part to make both/and thinking, speaking, and leading visible, and move it into mainstream mindset.

How do we already manage polarities well as a society?

We don’t.

How could we do it better?

Where do you see successful, collective, Yes, AND in action?
I can think of two organizations that walk the talk.

Polarity Partnerships.
“In today’s world of increasing interdependency and complexity, it is vital to utilize problem solving AND both/and thinking to address your most strategic challenges and opportunities. The research is clear – leaders, teams and organizations that leverage Polarities well outperform those that don’t. Discover how to leverage your most strategic Polarities (AKA paradox, wicked problems, chronic tensions, dilemmas, etc.) to become more innovative, agile, profitable and competitive immediately and over time.”

Braver Angels.
“Our mission: Bring Americans together to bridge the partisan divide and strengthen our democratic republic.”
“We state our views freely and fully, without fear.
“We treat people who disagree with us with honesty, dignity and respect.
“We welcome opportunities to engage those with whom we disagree.
“We believe all of us have blind spots and none of us are not worth talking to.
“We seek to disagree accurately, avoiding exaggeration and stereotypes.
“We look for common ground where it exists and, if possible, find ways to work together.
“We believe that, in disagreements, both sides share and learn.
“In Braver Angels, neither side is teaching the other or giving feedback on how to think or say things differently.”

Every once in a while I read an article that does it well–not only describing two poles but explaining why each is/both are necessary and good relative to the other, and the importance of balance and flow between them. It’s pretty rare.

For practical application and guidance, I highly recommend Navigating Polarities by Brian Emerson and Kelly Lewis.

Like so many life practices I consider this month, polarity management and navigation is transformational and liberating. I had not realized it so starkly until now. When I get out of either/or, “Yes, BUT,” and “You suck,” accept what is and look for mutually complementary balancing points, new and useful insights almost always follow. My way out of conflict emerges faster and more clearly, and my relationships get stronger along the way. Very cool.