Andy “AJ” Wilson-Taylor rides Rory, his trusty motorbike, throughout Europe and Scandanavia this summer on a music and filmmaking quest. He’s two-thirds of the way through this three month Odyssey, sharing photos and captions all along the way. He posted this one today and it struck a chord.
“It’s through the struggles that we grow” —Melissa Orth-Fray It’s been over eleven years since I started a regular fitness program, and I’m stronger now than ever in my life, having come through ACL rupture and reconstruction, among other struggles. Daughter is graduated from high school and headed to college in the fall, also having come through more than her fair share of life challenges. Looking back at my 51 and her 18 years, I see both copious joy and serious pain, and loads of strength, resilience, and growth.
So how has all of that shaped each of us, and both of us together? How has our family formed, deformed, and reformed through and around each and all of our respective trials?
I have no experience on motorcycles, so I assume ‘leaning into the gales’ is something one does to remain both stable and mobile on a bike through high winds. Son sails boats; I bet he knows something about that–it’s called tacking, right? When and where else, literally and figuratively, must we ‘lean in’ against and toward adversity to get where we’re going, to stay our course?
Or maybe we don’t actually stay any course? Certainly we choose many roads in life, and some winds still blow us onto and down paths that we would never have chosen. And here we are, having lived them all, and we keep going.
Headwinds do shape us. They affect our posture, choice of gear, timing, speed, and of course direction. Compared to tailwinds, wow, what a difference–I feel it body, mind, and spirit, just thinking and writing about it.
And then there are crosswinds, too! I wonder about all the ways AJ had to lean Rory on those mountain roads in Iceland today to stay steady and upright? If headwinds are like resistance to forward progress, maybe crosswinds are like distractions, detours, and derailments? Regardless, no day in life is without weather of some kind, and we get to choose how we engage.
Resistance trains us, makes us more alert, stronger, and resilient. It helps us appreciate when we can glide and rest. It teaches us about energy conservation and the aspects of power. It shows us our limits as well as our capabilities.
Leaning into the gales, indeed. Here we go, onward.
Sometimes you just know connection is imminent and when it happens, your world sparkles better than the best fireworks over the clearest water.
I followAJ, a wonderful artist and creator, and joined his Patreon. He invites questions from patrons and answers them on monthly videos. He is a lovely human above all, and also a musician, a composer, a filmmaker, a lover of all forms of life, and a remarkably effective gatherer and leader of community. He is generous, kind, honest, humble, and an empath. AND he’s a NERD! So when I started to noodle on the nature of meaning, I knew I had to invite him to think with me. The question:
“Thinking about the aspects of meaning. If we were to plot meaning on some kind of 3D map, what would the axes be? What is the nature of meaning? I’ve never asked this before so I’m only starting to wonder. So far I’m considering x = cognitive, y = emotional, z = relational. Or combine cognitive and emotional into x = psychological, y = relational, z = importance. Or maybe it’s just not a useful or worthy idea? It’s just fascinating to me that we can all observe the exact same event, article, speech, etc. and each come away with wildly divergent experiences. How do we make these experiences for ourselves and how can we more easily and effectively understand, empathize with, and hold space and love for experiences that diverge from our own? What think you…?”
Over a few days my own cogitation persisted:
If we define meaning as a 3-dimensional entity, then it has a volume and a density, among other properties. It is also fluid, I decided. Meaning in any moment can change, shift, and/or transform, according to values, goals, context, additional information, perception, and experience. The scale of each axis can be defined ad hoc, for example, linear or exponential, by minute or millenia, atomic or cosmic. There are just so many ways to consider, to imagine, to analogize, am I right? It’s one of the FUNNEST and most joyfully mind-bending questions I have ever asked, I think! I literally made myself giggle with it.
Interestingly, I stopped wondering and felt content to pause my exploration once I decided meaning is like a murmuration of starlings (see embedded link for another time I made this analogy). It is finite, has a shape that moves and changes conformation constantly, freely, and fliuidly but not randomly. It shifts in response to both extrinsic and intrinsic signals. It exemplifies A5R, no (this just occurred to me as I write now)? Attune, Attend, Assess, Adjust, Adapt, Repeat.
Meaning, like a murmuration, is alive. How awesome!
Not many people may appreciate or share the deep, giddy, goofy joy I get from this exploration, but I was pretty sure AJ would. Here are highlights from his video response:
“Cathy, what an unbelievably interesting question. I-I love that!” (said with that squinting, nose bridge wrinkling expression of joy) “That’s going to get the old cogs turning in my brain, I know it… What I want to do… is just sit silently for about 45 minutes thinking about it…” What made it “particularly compelling for me is: How are all of own personal axes calibrated?” YAAAAASSS!!! “And what does that say about how we perceive and experience particular events and what makes them meaningful to us, and therefore, is it that our axes being calibrated in a similar way to one another, is that what allows us to relate more closely to each other and perceive the world in the same way? If yes, what are the contributing factors to an individual’s calibration?” AGAIN, YES!! Oh my goodness, I feel so seen by this response!
These are exactly the questions I wish for us all to take time and energy to ask and explore. I’m not that interested in or attached to any particular answers, because 1) meaning is limbic and any verbal answer is likely a cognitive rationalization [NO judgment here–we all do it and it’s how we get through life–I just want us to admit and accept it], and 2) any meaning we make now is likely to evolve, and I want us to be aware of and embrace that constant evolution, to always stay open to it for ourselves and one another.
Imagine how much more collaboration, less conflict, and greater connection we could all enjoy if we could be more acutely and honestly attuned and attentive to how we make our own meaning, and hold bigger and more loving space for how other people make theirs?
AJ agreed that psychological, relational, and importance are three good axes to start with. How validating, to have another thoughtful mind appreciate the thinking that I already did–he even acknowledged how combining cognitive and emotional into psychlogical ‘freed up’ the third axis to add another dimension–Exactly! He called it analytical and insightful, and said my perspective was ‘finely tuned’. Why thank you, thank you very much. *sigh*
In the end, my friends, aren’t connections made through shared meaning the most–ha!–meaningful ones we can have? And don’t they just make life so much better?
“I’m so grateful that you’ve written that down,” AJ said at the end. So am I, dear one. So. Am. I.
Healing Through Connection 