On the Eve of Re-Entry

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-59390446

Does the Great British Baking Show make you cry?

Daughter and I watched most of Season 9 (2021) this weekend and I teared up more times than all of 2025 combined. I sat down to write about it, then realized I did that already, back in 2019. So now what? Blog, Cheng. Write what’s on the mind.

Tomorrow I return to work for the first time since New Year’s Eve. 18 days off. I last took this much time away in 2021, a five month leave of absence for family crisis. Wow. I thank my lucky stars for colleagues who so generously cover, so I may leave in total confidence. Here on the eve of re-entry, I feel strongly ambivalent–eager to resume my professional identity and also reluctant to exit the bliss of vacation.

Son and Daughter were home for five and six weeks, respectively, perhaps the longest we have all been together since Son started college in 2022. We took a family trip to London, then Son and I went to Colorado together. I got quality time with both kids, all together and one-on-one. I shake my head at the gift, heart full to bursting. I also see their sibling relationship evolving, which warms me. My momness heart was made for adult children. The bulk of hands-on parenting is complete and now I get to reap the rewards, hallelujah. I did okay; they’re okay!

Son returned to college yesterday; Daughter goes back in two days. I miss them both now more than ever–what is that about? When they were both home for Thanksgiving, twelve weeks after emptying the nest, I realized afresh how anxious I am about their health and well-being when they are here. Out of sight, out of mind is not necessarily a bad thing in parenting, I thought sheepishly. So I knew to expect it this holiday, and managed it a little better, yay! Son has proven himself independent and capable for years now, and Daughter managed herself remarkably maturely her first semester of college. I can safely and confidently loosen my watchful grip and step more fully into advisor mode. Wow.

Everything changes. I should have known that this new life phase would be a longer transition than just those first few months of lone couplehood again after 22 years of 24/7 parenting. It was positively blissful, and these past weeks of whole family togetherness required more psychological adjustment than I had anticipated. I make no assumptions now–how will I feel come Wednesday, when it will be another seven weeks before Kids return? I hold my psyche open to any response. Son will live at home this summer for the first time in four years–three whole months! I cannot wait. If Daughter comes home too, holy cow. We will all re-negotiate new family dynamics–bring it! My conversations and observations with both of them this break make me so proud and grateful–they are my people–curious, creative, sensitive, and mature. I relish the chance to witness their further growth and development.

Bake Off, with its loving and creative connections forged among contestants while they rise to repeated challenges together, this amazing expression of all that is good about people and bringing out our potential for one another, stirs all that I hold dear for myself, my children, my patients, friends, colleagues and the world. Take the risk. Do your best. Support others in doing the same. No wonder it makes me cry.

2026 feels portentious, more so than recent new years. I feel a strong desire to be even more mindful, intentional, alert, and aware of my attention and expenditures. The Opal app continues to mitigate my social media use. I feel less driven now to post and share, and it’s a very good thing. I intend to write a lot more this year. I will do some deeper inner work with Grant Gosch. I will complete at least one, good, unassisted pull up! I will continue to nurture and cultivate the relationships that matter most, and also open myself to any new connections that emerge with that cosmic twinkle I recognize so well. I will trust myself to know when I know, to hold on or let go according to my now well-trained, middle aged intuition.

It’s all good. Maybe I should take a few weeks off at the beginning of every year?

Lever Arms, Body Mass, Power, and Leadership

First seen on a social media post by Simon Sinek; please let me know whom to credit!

What makes you an asset to the team? How do you know? How does your leader know?
Does your leader know?

Friend Mark came with me to Ethos last weekend for the last conditioning workout of the block. We pulled the skiers and rowers side by side for 200-300m or 90 seconds, whichever came first, among other movements. No matter how fast I pulled, he still finished at least twenty to thirty seconds before me. Pushing the 215# sleds down and back on the turf, you’d think his weighed almost nothing the way he zipped along, compared to my Sisyphian effort. But I didn’t feel too bad about myself. I’m 5’2″ and 145#; he’s got at least a foot and 60# on me, I’m sure. I marveled briefly at our juxtaposition and just reveled in the fun of having my friend with me in one of my favorite places.

Today, back on the skier and rower, I thought again about our physical differential while pulling, varying my method between leading with legs, back, and arms. I wondered if I’d be an asset or a liability on a rowing team? Is it generally advantageous for rowers to be tall, so they get more distance per pull from their longer lever arms and leg extensions? Could I ever find a rowing method that could compensate for my much shorter limbs? Does my lower body mass give the team any advantage, and if so would it make up for the limb length deficit? How could I maximize my power to contribute? What are the ideal physics of a heterogeneous crew habitus? How could this team win consistently?

It all got me thinking about leadership, naturally.

How do we all contribute from our strengths? How do our leaders identify our strengths and amplify them, then place us in positions of complement and synergy for the good of all?

This requires more attention, thought, intent, creativity, and work than most leaders consider to be their jobs, no? It requires relationship. I must know you to find your true strengths; I must know the whole team to see how we all fit together, where we grind and where we glide. When I do this, you are much more likely to feel seen and valued. I can enlist each person to identify not just their own strengths but one another’s. Proactively synergizing our respective gifts can bond the team in mutual respect and collaboration. My effort, then, is worth the rewards in loyalty and willingness to sacrifice, because we all feel in it together.

Leaders who are willing to do this cultivate cohesive teams who can withstand adversity with confidence and grit. We can call on one another’s superpowers with humility and collegiality, knowing we shine brightest when we all shine together, rather than always trying to outshine one another.

Honesty and transparency stand out as core values here. If I really wanted to row and understood why that would not serve my team, if I were told kindly how I could contribute meaningfully in other ways that also align with my strengths, I’d be much more willing to pivot and still participate fully. That would require my team leader to take time and energy to communicate clearly and completely. I think this is not too much to ask. We should expect it, train it, and hold leaders accountable for it with specific, relevant, and regular feedback.

If the default assumption is that everyone has a worthwhile contribution to make regardless of limb length, body mass or other attribute, and leaders actively help team members identify and amplify their strengths, then that contribution will manifest from each and all of us fully and for the greatest good.
What a wonderful exercise on possibility, no?

Love Notes Wrap Up and an Invitation

Hello Friends!

What a FUN 30 days! It went by so fast, I’m so surprised, and I would definitely do this again! How was it, did you enjoy it? I’d love if you found this month of 12 daily Love Notes both simple and deep, uplifting and grounding at the same time.

I now have a stack of 360 original, unfolded Jar Smile Love Notes that need homes. Would you like some? Here’s my invitation:

Take a look at the thirty themes below.
Which one(s) resonate(s) with you?
Who in your life could use a few of these messages?

I will mail them to you, in an envelope with a stamp and everything!
Let me know if you want them folded or flat.
I can mail internationally, no problem!
Please comment on this post on WordPress, Instagram, or Facebook to request. You can request as many sets as you want, first come, first served. I will send them in whole dozens; no cherry picking. If you only want a few, maybe carry the rest around and strew them in your loving wake?
You can message me your address privately on my Instagram account, @chenger91, or we can figure out something else.

In exchange, please consider making a donation to Braver Angels or Digs With Dignity. These are my two favorite non-profits; they do so much concrete good in our world!
Tell me in your comment how these notes landed for you this month, and how you might pay the feelings forward, either by sharing the notes you request, writing your own, or in some other creative and loving way.

I will take requests through 6:00pm US Central Standard Time Tuesday, December 30th.
I will mark/update the list below as the sets are spoken for.
I think I know what I will do with the leftovers, but wouldn’t it be wonderful if there weren’t any?

The goal here is to spread the Love, my friends–how far can we fling it?
I can’t wait to see!

ADDENDUM: I will strikethrough the sets as they are taken.

1.Transition
2. Rest
3. Work
4. Making Friends
5. Uncertainty
6. Perseverance
7. Balance
8. Revival
9. Lightness
10. Kindness
11. Gratitude
12. Friendship
13. Love
14. Reunion
15. Fitness
16. Remembrance
17. Humanity
18. Learning
19. Bridging Difference
20. Solidarity
21. Dancing
22. Finding Joy
23. Creativity
24. Listening
25. Empathy
26. Patience
27. Homecoming
28. Honesty
29. Change for Good
30. Peace

Typical Smile Jar refill snail mail