“Tribe.”

What is your perspective on this word? I’m feeling a little defensive tonight, and also holding mind space to consider different perspectives, while clarifying my own in the process. I have used the word to describe my ‘found family,’ people with whom I share a deeply meaningful bond, my innermost circle and closest confidants. Including unpublished drafts, a search of ‘tribe‘ on this blog yields 105 posts.

Recently I have heard that using the word ‘tribe’ could be offensive to Native Americans. My initial reaction is divergent. Yes, I can see why. And, really? Does this group hold the exclusive right to use this word to describe something meaningful to them? Is its use in other contexts offensive to all indigenous people? Has it always been?

Four sources of perspective:

On the etymology of the word ‘tribe’: “In the Biblical sense, which was the original one in English, the Latin word translates Greek phyle “race or tribe of men, body of men united by ties of blood and descent, a clan” (see phylo-). Extension to modern ethnic groups or races of people is from 1590s, specifically “a division of a barbarous race of people, usually distinguishable in some way from their congeners, united into a community under a recognized head or chief” [Century Dictionary], but colloquially of any aggregate of individuals of a kind. also from mid-13c.“

“What is a Tribe?” “True, “tribe” is a troublesome word, bearing the weight of decades of anthropological study that privileged Western civilization over all other traditions. But let us rescue it here, pare it down to its simplest meaning, as a name for the first human communities that formed beyond the primal bonds of kinship — the beginnings of the great experiment we call society, which taught us to be human.”

“A teen recently told me that using the phrase “find your tribe” or using the word “tribe” is offensive to Native Americans.” “For Indigenous people, tribal identity is important. So when non-Native people say “find your tribe” or “tribe” to describe groups of shared interest, it is offensive because it erases the significance of Tribal sovereignty, identity, and people. Instead, we can use words like: group, crew, friends, or circle.”

Tribal Leadership, Dave Logan et al. From a sociological point of view, using the word as a reseach group defines it academically: “The success of a company depends on its tribes. The strength of its tribes is determined by the tribal culture, and a thriving corporate culture can only be established by an effective tribal leader.” This book has influenced my perspective on leadership and culture very deeply, hence my reluctance to stop using the word altogether.

How do I do perspective well already?
–My perspective taking skills are strong. This has to do with empathy, attunement, effective question formation and expression, and active listening. I have trained to be slow to judgment and opposition. I can engage with openness, calm, and patience.
–I understand that my Asian-American cis-het-monogamous-married woman physician parent identity gives me a certain perspective that is not shared by everyone I meet. I try to remember this, especially when I engage with people whose identities do not overlap much with mine.

How could I do it better?
–It’s easy to feel confident and competent about my skills when I only practice in easy situations. I can look for situations and practice when it’s hard–really train my openness and curiosity. I don’t mean to pick fights with people, rather simply attune to divergent opinions and perspectives around me, and choose more mindfully to engage with that divergence, even if it’s only in my own head.
–Also do it out loud, or in writing. Tonight’s post was prompted by my Facebook post and its comments. I plan not to engage in a complex exchange on social media, and this post will not be my last writing on perspective.

How does society to perspective well already?

Information. This is a tricky one. We can basically find ardent examples of and support for any perspective we want on the internet. So on one hand, it’s really easy to find a diversity of perspectives to explore, process, and deepen understanding and connection. On the other hand….

Groups who lead by example. See the November 9 post on polarity management; organizations like Polarity Partnerships, Braver Angels, and the Aspen Institute all have programs to help us open our minds to broader perspective taking, more effective communication, and better relationships.

How could we do better?

Long form: Conversations and reading. My friend, intending to be helpful, dropped the link for the third perspective piece above as a comment on my Facebook post tonight. There was no accompanying writing or explanation. So far there has been a brief exchange in which she suggests that since the word may be offensive to some people, I should avoid using it (in the context of my post). It made me think more, but rather than engage there, I decided to write out my thoughts here. I’m grateful to her for prompting me to search and read more. Depending on the topic and participants, social media may not be the best place to exchange perspectives, but we can always use it ourselves as a springboard for our own inner and outer work. That work, in my opinion, requires more words, more time, and more real, in person connection.

“Count higher than two”. This article introduced me to David Blankenhorn, co-founder of Braver Angels, a group I admire deeply for its efforts to help people from opposing American political groups de-escalate political discussions. “Sometimes an important phenomenon actually does divide naturally into two and only two parts or sides, between which one all-or-nothing choice must be made. But in most cases, this way of thinking about the world is not only polarizing, it is highly simplistic and leads mainly to pseudo-disagreements as opposed to real ones.” This idea reminds me of the ABC exercise (Adversity-Belief-Consequence), which basically asks us to tell multiple plausible stories to explain adversity to unglue ourselves from our most kneejerk and often dysfunctional assumptions and their subsequent thoughts, words, and actions.

For tonight, I have decided that I can still use the word ‘tribe’ mostly as I have been–with reverence. I am now more aware, however, of the potential drawbacks of using it casually, the impact that may have on people for whom the word has specific and deep meaning. This perspective exercise tonight reminds me to continue practicing mindfulness, respect, and intention in my language. And when I offend someone inadvertently, I can own and correct my ignorance while discerning what’s mine to account for and what’s not.

Here on day 16 of NaBloPoMo 2023, we could choose to see these posts as banal and redundant. I’m feeling more that they mutually reinforce some central tenets of effective relationship, which is my WHY. My net of interconnected practices, their importance, and their mutually upholding properties, strengthens and tightens with each post. My motivation to write it all more coherently and inspiringly in the BFHP also grows daily. AND I’m still gettng to bed on time most nights! HALLELUJAH, FRIENDS!

Ooooo, Leadership tomorrow. Bring it.