What Do You Mean By That?

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“When we go to a foreign country, we know acutely when we don’t share a common language.  Not so in US political discussions.”

I paraphrase Sharon, my Braver Angels pal.  I had just described what I mean when I say “liberal,” and why I prefer to identify myself as “progressive.”  And though we both consider ourselves to be “Blue,” it turns out that our definitions of these words diverge widely.  I think neither of us uses the words interchangeably (do you?), and I wonder if it has ever caused us to misunderstand each other.  What comes to mind and body for you when you hear these labels?  What about “conservative,” “right wing,” or “Red?”

When I read/hear “liberal,” I cringe a little and feel defensive.  Maybe that’s because it’s used so often as a pejorative term anymore by “the right,” like when they jeer people of my ilk (which is what, exactly, though?) as “libtards,” (a dual pejorative against both “liberals” and people with developmental disabilities).  I resist labels, especially when people apply them to me without knowing anything about me.  I suspect we all dislike this, no?  To me, “liberal” means loose, without boundaries or limits, mindless, uncontrolled—as in suntan oil—“apply liberally.”  Maybe I have internalized the contempt of the other side?

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I prefer to identify as progressive because it feels more intentional.  When we progress, it is toward something.  We have a goal.  We serve a purpose, and we walk with conviction to values.  Those values, for me, include equity, compassion, integrity, fairness, and the infinite, dynamic balance between what serves the individual and what serves the collective.  And I absolutely value meeting my political opposition on common ground, looking for shared values and goals to manifest in collaboration, rather than in competition.  This is the opposite of the prevailing idea of the word, I think?

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I think Sharon’s definitions of the two words are more commonly shared.  She sees “liberal” as the general term that defines those who identify as “Blue,” who share and advocate for values attributed to “the left,” such as environmental protection, climate change action, antiracism, social justice, financial regulation, social safety nets, public healthcare, gun control, police reform, etc.  In her mind, “progressive” defines folks on “far left” of the spectrum, whose rhetoric and tactics are more aggressive, and who express much less willingness to negotiate or compromise on their goals and policies.

Tonight I invite you to participate in an experiment.

Sit down, relax; take some deep breaths.  Free your mind and unwind your body.  Feel safe to be totally honest and vulnerable with yourself.  Choose a few words from the list below and free associate for a minute or two.  Notice the images, words, emotions, and physical sensations that emerge when you read, say, and hear each word.  Don’t judge your reactions; they are neither right nor wrong, good nor bad.  They are simply your personal associations.  Write down what emerges for each word.  Take your time.

When you come across an opportunity (or seek it next—or maybe it will find you), invite someone you trust to do the same for the words you chose.   Assure them that you will not judge or criticize their associations (and then don’t).  Maybe offer them to choose some words for you both to associate.

Then compare notes—share.  Consider setting some ground rules, such as mutual non-judgment and respect, before starting.

What does the idea of this personal exercise and exchange bring up for you, in mind, body, and spirit?  What do you make of your reaction?  How might this exercise help you in political conversations, perhaps the way a translator might help you in a foreign country?  How might it also help you in other relationships and domains of life? 

Please feel free to share your associations and exchanges in the comments.

Onward in curiosity, humility, generosity, and connection, my friends.

Word list:

Right

Left

Conservative

Liberal

Progressive

Democrat

Republican

Red

Blue

Democracy

Democratic

Republic

Right wing

Left wing

Negotiate

Compromise

Regulation

Pro-Life

Pro-Choice

Climate Change

Pandemic

Public Health

Healthcare

Social Justice

Racism

Antiracism

Police reform

Gun control

Immigrant

Dreamer

Elite

Conspiracy

Insurrection

Coup

Riot

Patriot

Loyalty

Hypocrisy

Integrity

Bias

Prejudice

Discrimination

Tribe

Party

What else?

Refining the Personal Vision Statement

NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

“I, Cathy Cheng, living and working at my highest and best, am Honest, Curious, Generous, Humble, and Kind, so that I can cultivate the best possible relationships with and between all people.”

How does this statement land?  On me, not on you.  Well, maybe a little on you—is this how you experience me at my highest and best?  The personal vision statement is just that—personal.  It’s my own beacon to navigate life’s storms.  But what good is it if it’s only for me?  Shouldn’t it also be the light I emanate  to make my best contributions in this one brief existence? 

Thanks to Braver Angels pal Sharon Kristjanson and her Engaging With Difference class, I have protected time these two months to spelunk this inner work.  Sweet!  Though I have had a Why statement for a while, it’s high time to test and refine it.  How does it hold up when relationships get really hard?  What does it mean to be honest all the time?  To be generous and humble when I’m tempted not to?  What is the shadow side of curiosity?

It’s deep work, but not necessarily heavy. I’m not drafting a final life mantra for my headstone. I’m noodling with a saying that fits at the same time like my most comfy pajama pants and my most flattering black dress. I am my own best seamstress, taking in and letting out as my relational habitus changes over time and experience. I’m always me, with evolving roles, tasks, and projects. Playing lightly and lovingly with words, purpose, and meaning, in whatever context surrounds me, with a trusty journal and smooth-writing pen…this is an ideal weeknight! Adaptive. Resourceful. Connected. Possibility. Oh yeah, this is gonna be awesome.

Count Higher Than Two

NaBloPoMo 2020 — Today’s Lesson

I’m starting to hear echoes of 2016, when a friend posted, “Well, now we know where the dumb people live.”  To some, if you voted this year to re-elect the president you are wholly and irrevocably:  stupid, ignorant, racist, misogynist, monstrous, evil—and more.  You are judged and defined solely by this one action.  Nothing else need be known about you; you are garbage. 

It’s us vs. them, good vs. evil, either/or, with us or against us.

This profound yet effortless oversimplification, this refusal to acknowledge, let alone explore, the inherent complexity of any given individual, poisons us all too easily.  It is the venomous root of polarization.  David Blankenhorn, co-founder of Braver Angels, describes it so well in his 2016 essay, “The Seven Habits of Highly Depolarizing People”.  He asserts that “binary thinking—the tendency to divide everything into two mutually antagonistic categories”—is the most dangerous habit of polarization.

It’s to the point where I myself feel unsafe to raise any nonconforming perspective among liberals, lest I’m attacked for upholding the toxic patriarchy I profess to oppose. How ironic that the movement of tolerance and inclusion, that claims acceptance and diversity as core values, not only cannot tolerate but violently rejects even benign and earnest internal dissent.

Can we see our political opponents as more than a malevolent monolith?  Can we allow for complex experiences we don’t understand?  Can we withhold judgment long enough to recognize and honor our shared humanity, before we respectfully condemn each other’s wrong-headed ideas?

Can we ‘count higher than two’ in our attitudes and interactions?  Our mutual survival may depend on it, and I know so few people willing to try.

Our voting choice was binary.  Our thoughts, emotions, speech, actions, and relationships should not be.