Category Archives: gratitude

Superhero Exploration!

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November Gratitude Shorts, Day 20 (Late entry)

Man of Steel, Ironman, Thor, Avengers, Captain America, Mission Impossible, Jason Bourne, Hallelujah!

In the last several years my preferred movie genre has shifted from romantic comedies to superhero action flicks. I’m not exactly sure why, though I suspect it has something to do with letting go childish wishes of happily ever after and embracing a more, shall we say, assertive form of entertainment.

The story follows a similar arc, regardless of the movie. We meet the heroes, then follow along as some colossal menace emerges that only they can fight.  In at least one scene they narrowly avert some mortal threat at the last millisecond.  No matter how desperate and hopeless the situation, no matter how fast my heart races and I tremble and fret, in the end the heroes win and all is saved…until next time—tune in next summer!

I learned recently about three types of stress:

  1. Threat stress: This is what we generally mean when we say ‘stress.’ It’s the fight, flight, or freeze response, when we sense a threat to survival, or we appraise that we lack the resources to cope with our circumstances. It’s mediated by cortisol.
  2. Challenge stress: We face a challenge that we feel at least somewhat qualified to tackle but it will be hard, test our limits. If we’re lucky, it’s something we care deeply about and we rise to the occasion—I’m thinking this could lead to a state of flow. This stress results in increases in DHEA and testosterone.
  3. Tend and befriend stress: This is empathy. We see a friend in need and we respond with compassion and love. We feel connected through their struggle. Oxytocin rises here. [Addendum, 04/26/16: This is an incorrect interpretation of the tend and befriend response.  Read my updated understanding here.]

This is intriguing to me, and I will study more about this construct in the very near future. I have experienced a fair amount of the latter two recently, and I’m positively exhausted.  So here is what I have learned: Not all stress is bad.  But even good stress costs energy, and we need to recover from it.

So maybe this is why superhero action films appeal to me? The heroes experience a call to adventure.  They, and we, wonder if they are up to the challenge.  They are tested, sometimes to their very limits.  In the end they prevail.  Maybe watching these movies vicariously feeds my challenge stress hunger, helps me believe that I, too, can rise to the occasion of my challenges in life?  None of the heroes do it alone, they all have at least one loyal partner who believes in them and their cause—the partners tend and befriend them—they have connection.  We all need help to get where we need to go.  The true superheroes know this well.

 

 

 

 

Look for the Helpers

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18

November Gratitude Shorts, Day 19

I never intend to write on politics here, but I suppose if I am to be authentic in blogging, as in life, I need to express potentially controversial things at times.

In the past few days I find myself glued to Facebook, looking for information and reflecting on friends’ posts. I am grateful today for all the writers more knowledgeable and articulate than I, who strive to contribute peace and understanding in the face of fear and destruction. I hope I can make my own small contributions, too.

I share now the timeline of articles that have helped me cope with recent world events.


Saturday, November 14:

My friend posted this photo, which prompted me to wonder… “But what does it mean for an ordinary citizen to ‘stand with’ a whole other country at a time like this? It’s more terrorism happening, right? The root of that is hate, anger, self-loathing, and other pain, from what I have read. So maybe ‘standing with’ France or any other victims of violence means exercising more curiosity and compassion, less judgment and negativity, toward the people right around us, whomever they are, wherever we are. We may not redeem a terrorist this way, but we can at least not help make one?”

I did not know about the bombing in Beruit, and learned important perspective about media coverage of world events from this article.

Then, a friend posted an even deeper discussion of how we truly cannot relate, as Americans, to the horror in the Middle East, and an invitation to open our hearts and minds to awareness.

Tuesday, November 18:

Increasing news coverage about US governors announcing refugees unwelcome in their states.   A friend posted a history lesson from the Washington Post.

I see opposing viewpoints emerging in stark and sometimes vehement relief on my friends’ pages. No refugees until all of our veterans are off the streets and taken care of!  If you refuse refugees you let ISIS win, you are a pawn of fear, stop being a coward! Look at all the atrocities committed by Muslims! Oh yeah? Look at all these other atrocities committed by Christians!  Do we really want to play this game of one-ups-manship?

Just when it felt overwhelming, and I wondered again what a single citizen could do, another friend posted this picture:

And another posted this article about a past governor of my home state of Colorado, who stood out and up for his inner sense of humanity.

And another posted this quote and photo of Robert Kennedy:

Finally today, I felt impatient with all the negativity. Everybody is scared. How could we not be?  I have thought more than once just this past month that the world may actually end in my lifetime, the way things look now. But all the verbal attacks and undermining, the incendiary comments, stereotyping,  judgment, and impulsivity, on all sides, just is not helpful. If your neighbor or friend rejects refugees out of fear, how does mocking that fear make anything better?  Why must we choose between housing our veterans and granting asylum to refugees?  Surely, if we call upon the best that is America, we can do both and more?

I posted on my own page today: “I need to look for articles on the GOOD that Muslims, Christians, and others do around the world. Comparing the harm that one group does, to the harm that other groups do, keeps our focus on dark, destruction, and pain. In order to really see one another in light, we have to shift our attention to the light.”

So I looked, and once again, other writers held me up:

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/55b65597e4b0224d8832d6f0

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1655479

https://reason.com/archives/2015/04/29/where-are-all-the-good-muslims-around-yo

A lot of people quote Mr. Rogers these days, and rightly so.  Look for the helpers, his mom told him.  “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping.'”  We should take this advice, and not only look for the helpers, but try to be helpers, too.

look for helpers

 

Books! Thankful for books!

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12

November Gratitude Shorts, Day 18

Yesterday I meant to post about books!  There are so many, how can we ever read them all?  Thank goodness for all these authors, who take the time and expend the energy to create and publish for the benefit of us all!

I keep a list of my favorites:

  1. The Art of Possibility, Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
  2. Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting, Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn
  3. Healing From the Heart, Mehmet Oz, MD
  4. Now, Discover Your Strengths, Buckingham and Clifton
  5. The Power of Mindful Learning, Ellen Langer
  6. A Whole New Mind, Daniel Pink
  7. The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
  8. On Gratitude, Aaron Jensen
  9. Complications, Atul Gawande, MD
  10. Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, Malcolm Gladwell
  11. Made to Stick, Chip and Dan Heath
  12. Positive Psychology in a Nutshell, Ilona Boniwell
  13. Kitchen Table Wisdom and My Grandfather’s Blessings, Rachel Naomi Remen, MD
  14. The Inner Game of Tennis, W. Timothy Gallwey
  15. The Heart Speaks, Mimi Guarneri, MD, FACC
  16. Proof of Heaven, Eben Alexander, MD
  17. Peaceful Piggy Meditation, Kerry Lee Maclean
  18. The Timekeeper, Mitch Albom
  19. The Social Animal and The Road to Character, David Brooks
  20. Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engaging With Everyday Life, Mihalyi Csikszentmihaly
  21. The Mind’s Own Physician, ed. Jon Kabat-Zinn, Richard J. Davidson
  22. Daring Greatly and Rising Strong, Brené Brown
  23. Resonate, Nancy Duarte
  24. Start With Why and Leaders Eat Last, Simon Sinek
  25. Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert

During visits with patients, many of these titles routinely come up either in my mind or in conversation.  I found myself sharing them so often that I finally decided to keep them on a Word file to share electronically, and I add to it regularly.   Often, people have already read one or more, which is when I know I am connected with a like soul.  I love when that happens!

There are so many books I have yet to read, indeed that I am dying to read–I have bought most of them already!  My bookshelves are almost out of space, and the books are spilling out onto most other horizontal surfaces in the house.  Here are some titles I plan to read in the next year (the next few months, ideally!); please feel free to suggest others:

  1. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
  2. Being Mortal, Atul Gawande
  3. Drive, Daniel Pink
  4. The Book of Forgiving, Desmond Tutu & Mpho Tutu
  5. How the Body Knows Its Mind, Sian Beilock

I have yet to read most of the ones on this shelf, though I have dipped into many of them a few times.  I like to dig deep, mark them up, and take them down over and over again when I make connections between them.

bookshelf

The book post was meant to be lighthearted…  Books bring joy, wisdom, knowledge, connection, learning, laughter, pictures–it’s all good!

Today feels heavier, and my focus on reading and writing takes a serious turn…  More on that for Day 19…