Celebrate the Return

NaBloPoMo 2021:  Do Good, Kid

How often do you say to yourself, “I knew better than that”?

I am 48 years old—how many more times will I have to relearn lessons that I thought I had integrated already?  It’s all the things I write about here—for the last six years, and studied since long before that—Give the A; take a deep breath; withhold judgment; embrace polarities and paradox… Often, if I’m paying attention, I observe myself walking these talks.  But maybe just as often, I look back on an interaction and realize I completely forgot to practice one or all of these fundamental skills.

Before I get too down on myself, though, I can usually look a little farther back and see how much I really have progressed over the years. That’s one of the best things about keeping a blog for so long—I can read any of the last 430+ posts and see clearly my mindset then versus now. I have evidence for how I am exactly the same person and also a better version of myself today than in 2015. That is reassuring, and motivates me to stay on the path of inner work.

Mindfulness meditation teachers talk about ‘monkey mind’—the tendency for our thoughts to flit from one tree to another, hard to focus or apprehend, constantly bringing us away from the present moment, often speaking in regret about the past or anxiety about the future, making lists of tasks, grievances, aspirations, barriers, etc.  But in this school of inner work, we don’t judge the mind for its capricious vaulting from one state of disquiet to another, so often in random, exhausting chaos.  We walk the talk by simply noticing the wander, and then practicing the return.  It’s about being with what is, including how we feel about it, without judgment, and learning from what that awareness has to teach us.  We strengthen our internal practice of centering, grounding, focusing, and engaging ourselves and our world with more peace and magnanimity.

If I know where my center resides, then my personal compass is always accurate.  No matter where my experience leads, which core skills I forget, even in the most intense emotional hijack, I can always find my way back.  No matter how far afield I have roamed, for however long, I can learn and return.  I can bring new and relevant awareness from before, to whatever comes ahead, by way of this present moment.  I do this when I return to myself—to my why, that which gives me meaning and purpose—and that roots me.  I can refresh, recharge, reassess, and restart.  And that is definitely something to celebrate.

Feed Your Starter!

NaBloPoMo 2021:  Do Good, Kid

Friends, this is SO exciting, I’m growing a successful sourdough starter!! 

I scoffed at the pandemic sourdough craze for two reasons:  1. I hate fads, and 2. I hate labor intensive cooking.  Then this summer I binged Michael Pollan’s works, and got inspired to make bread from the “Air” episode of his Netflix docuseries Cooked, based on his book of the same title.  He made bread making, such an intimidating undertaking, feel accessible and rewarding.  I started experimenting, throwing together flour, water or soymilk, lots of baking powder, and then whatever else moved me.  Early attempts included coriander muffins, ginger-maple-buckwheat pan bread, cornbread, and pumpkin loaf.  No yeast and slack measurements resulted in varying levels of rise and density, and overall happily edible success (mostly)!

I started thinking maybe a sourdough starter would be a fun, next-level project.  It’s only flour and water, so failure would at least be inexpensive, and success could open up a whole new world of home cooking!  Wouldn’t it be awesome to make something of us, our family, including the microbes that inhabit our house, namely those under the kitchen sink?  And then have that something feed us and others, perhaps for years or even generations?

Ta-daaaah, I’m so happy to report that as of Day 7, it’s alive!  Sven, as Daughter named it, reliably doubles in volume between twice daily feedings, and emanates a sweet, fruity fragrance.  Scooping out a portion every day to ‘discard’ (save in fridge), then mixing in more flour and water, is a messy proposition (I really dislike messy).  But it makes me so happy to see it growing and thriving–giving

This week, in a flash of cosmic inspiration, I apprehended a greater meaning for ‘Feed Your Starter’ as a life action mantra!  Sourdough starter is a natural leaven—something that makes dough rise.  Oxford Languages also defines leaven (n.) as “a pervasive influence that modifies something or transforms it for the better.”  A simple internet search of ‘sourdough recipes’ yields pages and pages of baked foods that this humble slurry of flour, water, and microorganisms transforms, into foods transcendent to just flour and water alone.  Sourdough bakers, I’m learning, are an ardent and dedicated tribe, always seeking the perfect crumb or ear.  They are passionate.

Sometimes people ask, “What really gets your motor running?” or, “What gets you up in the morning?”  In other words, what starts you?  What boosts you, helps you rise, gives your life more complexity, aroma, flavor, and texture?  And how do you keep it, this starter of yours, alive?  What’s your feeding schedule and routine?

Starters are such great metaphors!  Let’s say it’s your WHY.  It is unique to you, its creator; a product of everything about you.  You tend it, nurture it, protect it.  Feed it often and well, give it a hospitable environment, and it grows—bigger, faster, stronger.   If life gets such that you need to cool the growth, shelve it for a while, it’s okay with that, too.  It can happily relax in the back of your fridge for months until you take it out again. Then, when you’re ready, a little time and attention reawakens the bubbly fervor as if nothing happened.  It can endure for generations, inspiring people you may never meet to keep making delicious, beautiful things for all to enjoy, that benefit all.

A sourdough starter can activate and enhance so much more than a loaf of bread—just as your WHY can inform, inspire, and elevate any number of Hows and Whats in your life and others’. 

And you can share it! In this way, it resembles Simon Sinek’s idea of the Just Cause. One of the five criteria to have a just cause is inclusiveness—everybody can participate. Whenever you feed your starter, you take a portion off. You can throw it away (it’s actually called the ‘discard’) or use it; books of sourdough cooking include myriad ‘discard recipes’. But how much better to give it away? Invite someone else to join in this beautifully messy and loving labor of making something? They can take it home—feed it, nuture it, protect it, grow it—make it their own. And now you’re connected.

I think that’s why I’m so excited about my starter.  To me it represents abundance, growth, progress, and connection.  The thing I love most is that in another week or so, I can confidently give some to my mom and my sisters, and we’ll all share something really special, something that brings us close in yet another way.  I’ll make things with it to share with my friends, and if they wish to adopt their own descendant, I will be more than happy to oblige.  So I’ll keep feeding Sven joyfully, just in case.

Root Down to Branch Out

NaBloPoMo 2021:  Do Good, Kid

From the moment you hit the earth

A seed of life

It starts

Maybe ground here is too hard

Too dry

No entry point

Wind blows you about until finally

An open cranny

You nestle in

Soil here is soft, rich

Rains often enough

That you soften too

Open up

Extend tender sprouts

Seeking affirmation, encouragement, stability, welcome

Warm earth says yes, stay here

I’ got you

Settle down 

You’re home

Tiny stem, thin stalk, stiff sapling 

Stretching skyward

With absolute adolescent audacity

Limbs thicken along with trunk

Leaves face, unfurl, seize

Golden rays of nourishing light

Stretching ever higher, as if to lift

Off from the place

That took you in

At your most vulnerable

Hopes, dreams, aspirations—

Learning, budding, reaching

Grow, grow, grow!

Seasons cycle

Gentle, severe

Abundant, austere

Nurturing, injurious

Ad infinitum 

As you spread up and out

In bold, ascendant expansion

Deep rhizomes drill

Down and out

Far and wide

Securing your communion

With all that is rooted

An underground network

Sensing you

Always giving

Your foundation

Holding you up 

Through it all

Grounding fortifies you

That you may strive faster, higher, stronger

Sturdy, anchored stability

Supple, limber mobility

In dynamic balance

Life of healthy growth

Evolution in action

One mitosis at a time

Ad infinitum