Category Archives: politics

Holding Polarity

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To long time readers of this blog: First, THANK YOU!

Second, what themes here stand out to you over time? Because they recur so often, they resonate, or for other reasons? When I search for ‘polarity’, 20 posts come up since 2020. I only learned about the concept of polarity management in 2019 and have since integrated it in my approach to challenges in almost every life domain.

Almost exactly a year ago I wrote about it in one of the best posts of the month, in my opinion. I identified Polarity Partnerships and Braver Angels as two organizations that do polarity management well (Partnerships was founded by Barry Johnson, author of the seminal book Polarity Management). This means that rather than pitting apparently opposed or antagonistic ideas and positions against each other in a zero sum, we seek to identify and maximize the advantages of both perspectives for optimal integration and function.

It occurs to me that we perceive the word ‘polarized’ with a negative connotation. It means people withdraw from one another, retreat to corners of comfort and concensus, avoiding engagement with those who think, feel, and believe differently on important topics. This negativity about polarization risks making us think negatively about polarity in general, which I Hold for Us to resist.

Polarities are good. Or at least they are not inherently bad. Actually describing them as good or bad is probably not helpful. Polarities are ubiquitous, a fact of nature and life, and holding them in curiosity, openness, and possibility, and without judgment or resistance (thus holding them mindfully) helps us see through and past conflict to creative (re)solutions.

Progressive/Conservative, Blue/Red, Left/Right–however we label our political poles, we each have to stop wishing for the ‘other side’ to back down or step aside. We need to let go the idea that we can convert anyone from their side to ours, to make them see and think the way we do. And we absolutely must stop demonizing one another, calling each other names and generalizing negativity on whole groups based on one attribute. The truth is we need tension and competition of ideology, the free and open debate of ideas and solutions to thrive as an engaged, innovative, and evolving society. We just need to handle the tension and debate much, much better.

We have descended too far into the depths of adversarial engagement. More than any political ideology or policy change, I see this as the greatest threat to our democracy–the fact that we citizens, the collective electorate across the country, cannot muster the ‘curiosity, compassion, and courage‘ to talk through our differences respectfully and constructively. This makes us extremely vulnerable to those who seek to inflame our respective greivances for their own benefit–those for whom a divided population helps them rise to and stay in self-serving power. ‘Divide and conquer.’

The good news is that the movement of polarity management–the resistance to toxic division–grows quickly now. Early adopters have found one another and partnered. They amplify one another’s messages on social media. Their reach expands by resonating with the deep need that so many feel to leave behind hostile rhetoric and ad hominem attacks, to come together and get sh*t done.

The featured image on this post shows twelve organizations that partner with BridgeUSA, “the youth movement for better politics.” From their About Us page:

BridgeUSA is a multi-partisan student movement that champions viewpoint diversity, responsible discourse, and a solution-oriented political culture. We are developing a generation of leaders that value empathy and constructive engagement because our generation will bear the cost of polarization and tribalism for years to come.

Starts With Us, another polarity navigating group, asks:

Are you one of the 87% of Americans from all walks of life who sees a world beyond “us vs. them?” Are you tired of polarizing politics and endless culture wars? The power to reclaim our culture Starts With Us.

Their Movement statement:

We can each work on the skills needed to overcome the forces that divide us — but where do we start? The 3Cs: [Curiosity, Compassion, and Courage]

We all have an innate capacity for curiosity, compassion, and courage. The Starts With Us community is committed to turning the 3Cs into personal daily habits [emphasis mine] that have tremendous personal benefits:

–Connect with and influence community
–Repair strained relationships
–See through fear-stoking media
–Strengthen communication and negotiation
–Sharpen critical thinking and problem solving
–Feel more agency, less anxiety

Progressive and Conservative ideologies are not inherently good or bad, or even necessarily opposed, and it’s counterproductive to hold them as such. Navigating this polarity with the 3C’s, from a mindset of mutual respect, integrative and complementary potential, and shared humanity opens the possibility of finding truly innovative solutions to the challenges of our increasingly complex world.

I Hold Polarity for Us because we are not enemies. We are all humans, here doing our best with what we have. Competing ideas and ideologies do not necessarily imply inevitable conflict or war, though humans too often escalate it that way. Holding Polarity with Curiosity, Compassion, and Courage, in the spirit of connection over division, will help keep us from destroying ourselves.

Holding Resonance

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“Resonance over reach.”

Mallon Writers inspire again! For nine months we have Zoomed two Fridays a month to chat, write, and connect, and I always come away nourished. Joan attributed her writing prompt tonight to storyteller Jay Acunzo whose website states, “My premise is that we should all prioritize resonance over reach to grow our businesses, audiences, and causes.” It’s about synchronous vibration: The transmission of energy through particles in an elastic medium.

In my mind, resonance generated well facilitates reach.

The Law of Diffusion of Innovation describes how ideas gain momentum and spread through a population or social system. About 2.5% of the population innovates in any given domain. In that domain, another 10-15% of people are early adopters–those with whom the innovation resonates. From there, about 35% comprise the early majority, another 35% the late majority, and finally about 16% the laggards. The early majority vibrate in harmony with the innovators–their respective particle waves are resonant and consonant–music to one another’s ears.
Once an idea or message vibration is established and strong, it then amplifies outward, creating new harmonies–between early adopters and members of the early majority and so on. Synergy and amplitude of resonance with each degree of distal reach is less intense, but enough to maintain momentum of movement–of adoption.

As I consider my message of openness, curiosity, humility, and connection across difference, this reminder buoys me. I first learned about this ‘law’ from Simon Sinek’s TED talk, How Great Leaders Inspire Action. I was an early adopter of life coaching. I am definitely an early adopter of bridging political divisions through dialogue and personal connection. My job here is to help establish the stable frequency, the harmonic base, like the initial rhythm of a new music composition (think Ben Folds inventing a new song). Creating a memorable and meaningful orchestral masterpiece starts with grounding in a steady beat and key, then adding each instrument section for its own unique contribution for melodious and harmonious depth and texture of sound. This kind of resonance affects not just our ears and cognition, but our very souls, our humanity.

Attuning to resonance is how I sense, discern, and navigate my way through any interaction of political polarization. I seek that rhythm, that vibration in the person/people I’m with, listening for the frequency that I can track to connect. Connection across difference is not for everybody, at least not on the surface. Shouting my message to the masses through a bullhorn wastes energy and likely drives more people away than it attracts. But this quiet yet bold, cadenced pulse that emits from my depths can reverberate with the same, maybe small tone in someone despite and through the noise–the magnet that draws us closer rather than repels. [Funny how it’s electrical polar opposites that attract? It’s a paradox I addressed last year!]

My vibration resonates for connection on the wavelength of possibility.

It occurs to me that I can only sustain this resonance if my rhythm is true to myself–my own innate heartbeat of connection–that which is natural, organic, effortless, and cannot be faked. Because that is the only way I will find those who truly resonate, the only way I will really reach anyone, near and far. So at the same time I effuse, emit, and amplify, I must also insulate. I must resist those who say my message is futile, that the cause is lost, or that I must alter my message to fit some norm or mold. Nope. My fellow connectors and I find one another by sensing our shared deep, steady beat.

I Hold Resonance for Us, my friends. Let us vibe to the rhythms that connect us, the ones that help us trascend the toxic rage of identity politics and oversimplified, overgeneralized, us-them mentality. Let us hold our hearts open for shared humanity to resonate and amplify.

Holding Connection

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“It’s a beautiful day in Chicago.
“Gratitude stands in front today, sadness pressed right up behind. They hold each other like twin toddlers: Intimate. Knowing. *Connected*.
“Holding.”

If you follow me on Instagram, you know I post photos of a mug by my laptop every weekend. Normally this gives the page a semi-coherent aesthetic of mug shots alternating with blog posts, with occasional other stuff sprinkled in. This month I’m inserting a mug picture when I think of it, to break up the daily blog tiles. The caption above emerged spontaneously today. *happy sigh*

Had a leisurely morning before and after dropping Daughter off at school. Got some work done, then made it to Ethos for the start of a new training block (barbell front foot elevated split squats and pull ups, oh yeah!). Did my first class with Coach Arianna—ROCK STAR. Caught up a little with lovely friend James, then had a wonderful lunch with dear Jacob. Chatted with the beautiful Kasey, picked up a little jar smile for myself on the way out, and felt a good little tingle. I generally do not cry easily, but tears verged more than once on the drive home. Gratitude in front, sadness right behind. I write ad nauseum about the community at Ethos–I promise they do not pay me. It’s just a unique community where relationship is a core value. It is their ethos, expressed right there in their tagline: TRAIN. RECOVER. CONNECT. And let me tell you, they (we) walk the talk. I drive up to 45 minutes each way, three times a week, to commune with these amazingly generous and kind people who hold me in my strengths, my vulnerabilities, my weirdness–in my wholeness.

Today my friends held me in my sadness. They held my heart close and tight. They were so present. I am not happy about a second Trump administration, not at all. But I could accept it on Wednesday. I am confident in our institutions at the moment and I see the slow groundswell of collaborative efforts across the aisle in credible party leaders to uphold them. I see popular legislative efforts across the country to protect the rights I care about. Policy will always be a give and take, one and two steps forward and back ad infinitum. The sadness set in only after seeing repeated expressions of vehement relationship rupture and abandonment, of harsh judgment with complete lack of curiosity and empathy. I see it on both sides (nobody is asking relationally meaningful questions), and more from the left. I understand and empathize with the intense emotions–the shock and disappointment, the outrage, even the hopelessness. I share some of them. But above all, it’s the active, volitional relational desertion, collective or individual, that distresses me most.

In the afternoon I spoke to Jon, my high school classmate, a conservative. We last met at our ten year reunion, 23 years ago. We have stayed connected on Facebook, mainly to discuss our divergent political views. It has always been respectful and loving. He messaged me on Wednesday to ask how I was. He is the friend I wrote about who hugged his tearful colleague after Trump won in 2016. We spoke for an hour and agreed on many more things than we disagreed on–mostly relational, behavioral, and pragmatic things. We held space for the really complex issues. We agreed strongly and wholeheartedly that in the most emotionally charged, most intense disagreements of identity and personal beliefs, that is when and where we must exercise the most attunement, kindness, empathy, and humility–basically the opposite of what we actually do.

So grateful. So sad.

I am okay. I am not surprised or disillusioned, necessarily. I am not hopeless. We are human, and this is how we do under severe stress. Relationship ruptures can be repaired. It is a choice. That does not mean it is easy, and wounds leave scars, some large and disfiguring.

“You got hurt,” Dear Friend said to me so lovingly once, after I attempted to connect to someone and missed. Yes, I got hurt. That can happen when we risk connection. It was worth it. My friends showed me today that every time I have taken this risk, the reward has consistently far outweighed any cost or pain. There is so much pain right now, my friends–it rolls over us like the darkest thundercloud. And it will pass. Throwing away our relationships now will not make it pass any faster, nor make the light any brighter afterward–quite the opposite, I’m convinced.

I Hold Connection for Us, my friends. I hold it like our lives depend on it.
Because they do.