How satisfying. I achieved my goal of maintaining a blog for one year. Ten times. 🙂 Who knows how much longer this will last? Honestly everything after this is frosting… I feel truly liberated–no obligations, no restrictions, no pressure; only fun and joy.
What happens in ten years? How do we evolve and not? How does society turn and change, and not?
What will everything be like ten years from now? We could erradicate cervical cancer in my lifetime with a vaccine. Wild. Humans may soon populate another planet, or annihilate this one–or both, I suppose–maybe not in my lifetime, but in the foreseeable future.
How many years (weeks) do you estimate you have left in this mortal life? What will you do with them?
Oh, I just realized: This blog birthday coincides with my nest emptying soon. Another liberation! A milestone, another set of occasions to celebrate. How fun and exciting!
Home late from the office today, I thought I might forgo posting here–until I realized today is the blog’s actual birthday! Ten years: Mark it! But no need to be loud about it. Work was busy and long, and in the best way, as usual. So much connection. Wow. How lucky I am. I’m excellent at what I do. It’s recognized, appreciated, and reinforced. I’m surrounded by rock stars, at work and beyond. Despite the chaos, tumult, and distress in the world, there is still so much love and warmth everywhere I look. I feel it every day, through and through; people crave it, respond to it, absorb it like the thirstiest sponges. Pretty much everything I’m doing now feels sustainable for several more years, if not another decade yet. What a calming, contented, peaceful sensation. It could all go away in a heartbeat, too; one never knows.
So I revel. Peacefully. How nice. Thank you for reading along. Wishing peace and love to you all, this day and all days.
Whenever you’re about to make a statement or directive, pause. Ask yourself, “What do I not know?” Be honest and humble, or prepare to be humbled. The mark of an excellent leader is the willingness to be schooled from ‘below’ for the sake of mission and team.
Once your ingnorance is identified, formulate a question. As well as you can, make it an open and honest question, the hallmark of which is that you truly do not know the answer and you are not attempting to lead it. Pause again. Is your question truly open, meaning it cannot be answered by yes or no? If so, proceed. If not, revise to a truly open question.
Listen to the answer without interrupting. Do not speak until the other person has stopped talking for at least two seconds. Resist the temptation to issue your previous directive anyway. Follow the thread of curiosity, however thin or faint, to explore what else you don’t know. Done well, one OHQ leads to multiple subsequent OHQs, often branching and diverging to adjacent arenas all interconnected and mutually influential to the central issue.
It can get overwhelming fast, and I suspect many of us do not engage in this kind of query because the emergent morass of complexity feels so daunting. Rabbit holes are to be avoided in leadership think.
If we ask more and better questions, however, we don’t get rabbit holes. We get ecosystem.
I do this every day interviewing patients. Regardless if it’s weight, blood pressure, blood sugar, insomnia, or depression, nothing occurs in a vacuum. Only by exploring the state of every domain of health (work, sleep, exercise, nutrition, stress, and relationships) can I see fully the interconnected origins and impacts of the issue I need to address (often multiple issues at once). Often about thirty minutes into the interview I say, “Wow, that’s a lot.” I sit with my patient a bit stymied at the muddle. Then we talk about their goals, their values, and what lights or dampens their spirit. Reliably, by the end of the day long exam, we get to an action plan that is both brutally realistic and fully aligned with their highest aspirations. It feels inspired an empowered, forward motion already initiated for the coming year.
The best questions help us survey the jungle, its density and pitfalls. It is only after querying the morass and seeing its wholeness that we can know where to act most incisively and effectively. We know we asked excellent questions when the answers provide the map that leads us through the jungle together and with confidence.
Humility. Honesty. Transparency. Safety. Clarity. Accountability. These are the imprints of leaders adept at asking more and better questions. Consider any organization in your experience; I bet these leaders stand out. How would you describe their presence? How do you feel when you’re with them? What effect do they have on the team and its operations?
In case it’s not already obvious, this practice of asking open and honest questions benefits all relationships. In a world of soundbites that continually overgeneralize and oversimplify, stoking judgment and othering, the more we can retain and protect our humility and curiosity, the more we can ask more and better questions that foster understanding and empathy, the better the world will be. We all lead. Let’s do it better, yes?
Crystal, Eric, Dwight, Tim, Cory, Arianna, Kasey, and Molly. Ethos leaders lifted with the rest of us today.
Seven Ethos coaches, clinicians, and owners took the 11:00am total body strength class with us civilians today. It changed the vibe altogether. They’re just like the rest of us (but they lift heavier weight); they are human. They believe in their work and mission to make us healthier. They walk the talk. They motivate me to keep going.
Last week I attended a creativity gathering where the facilitator disclosed personal stories as he reflected our own disclosures back to us. He made it safe for us to be open, to explore the origins of our passion with the group. He was one of us, even as he led us from the front.
From the internet; anyone know the original source?
Consider leaders whom you trust, who make it safe to admit mistakes, give honest feedback, and present constructive criticism to make the team better. What qualities do they embody to create a culture where we can each and all flourish? I have some ideas:
Walk the Talk
Lead by example. If I’m asking you to tell the truth, I had better do it first. If I’m asking you to be curious, open minded, non-judgmental, and a team player, how can I expect it of you if I don’t model it as your leader? We all know lip service when we hear it. Even if I struggle with the skills I aim to model, seeing me put forth the effort signals my integrity. We respect and follow leaders who exhibit humility and grit.
Get On the Ground
I try never to ask anything of a team member that I would not be willing to do myself in their place. We don’t trust leaders who separate themselves from those they lead by keeping their hands clear and clean from the dirty work on the ground, directing from far and on high. Disconnected leaders more likely lack empathy and understanding; they may be less likely to consider the real and direct impact of their decisions on others. You cannot know me until you meet me in my context. You can lead me more effectively if you know me. So get down here with me, see what I see. Feel it with me.
Be Present, Check In
While pulling the rope of mission onward, with the team, from the front, we leaders can really be with the people pulling with us, at our direction. We can observe their dynamics, feel the vibration on the ground. What’s going on in their lives outside of this pulling? How are they affected by the nested environments of organization, profession, and geopolitical tumult? When we ask these questions we must be fully present, honestly curious. People can tell when we’re not listening and don’t really care. It doesn’t take much to engender or erode trust and camaraderie; and it’s a significant act/practice of self-regulation, to turn off our inner diaglogue and attune fully to the person in front of us, on their terms. The rewards of making this connection, regularly and repeatedly, are priceless and lasting.
Ask More Before Directing
Leaders must problem solve. How many relevant questions do our leaders ask, and how well do they understand the full scope and complexities of the problems, before they start commanding and controlling? I observe not many. The best leaders ask the most open and honest questions. Their curiosity is genuine; their problem solving starts with query and connection before bias and assumption. Good questions answered honestly inevitably lead to more questions; insights emerge and the best solutions arise from clarity and comprehension of the whole, interconnected picture.
Own Your Shit
Accountability of leadership is key for organizational effectiveness, and everywhere I see it lacking. Leaders are human just like the rest of us. They make mistakes. They juggle competing interests and navigate complex environments of personnel, finances, and public relations, among others. The moment they dismiss, deflect, blame, or whine, our trust frays. We don’t need martyrs. We just need leaders who can look us in the eye and say, “I fucked up. Here is how I will make it right.”
What else? What kind of leadership are you experiencing, admiring, tolerating, and bemoaning today? How can we each be better leaders from any chair in our orchestras, to make a useful contribution?
It completely slipped my mind to post here last night! I was too excited for the end of my workweek and felt compelled to write jar smiles, as it had been a few days. It’s like a mild addiction, writing those little love notes. Happy Friday, friends.
Healing Through Connection 