What is your relationship with New Years resolutions?
Mine is ambivalent.
I tend not to label them as such–fear of failure?–and still, every new year beckons toward beginnings and change. I’m still doing Morning Pages more than half the days; I feel okay with my practice here. I’m pretty disciplined in my fitness and slack board routines; I’ve maintained this blog over a decade, and now regularly refill a dozen or so smile jars across the US and one in France… So what do I want to do differently in 2026?
Now that I sit down to think and write about it, I get clarity: I don’t want or need to do anything different this year. Rather, I want to do more of what matters, get really efficient and effective at it, and make the most of the time, energy and resources I spend.
Time After listening to Careless People by Sarah Wynn-Williams, I seriously consider deactivating my Facebook and Instagram accounts. Time and attention spent here connects me easily and often with people around the world who mean a lot to me. I also waste a ton of time scrolling. Son introduced me to the Opal app (not sponsored), which blocks these sites on my phone during work hours and a little on weekends. I plan to use it as a mindfulness tool, to help me be more intentional and aware of my phone use in general.
The best use of my time is with people and on causes I care about. I connect with my favorite folks regularly and the rewards are priceless. Nicola Tyche‘s Crowns Trilogy was recommended to me by Phara. I gifted Book One, North Queen, to Donna and AJ, who have both now finished the series. We will convene soon to “explore the rich terrain laid by the North Queen and her companions.” I am beyond giddy, waiting until after what I anticipate will be a lively, enlightening, and insightful communion before I write about the series here. To be moved by deep, poignant expressions of humanity and share that experience with my people in meaning and connection–I can’t think of anything better, and I intend to do much more of this in 2026.
Energy Schwartz and Loehr wrote in The Power of Full Engagement that while time is finite, energy is renewable. Thus, with certain practices, we can leverage physiologic patterns during our waking hours and get more done. I shared Schwartz and McCarthy’s HBR article, Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time, with patients for some years. That was before our cultural rhetoric pivoted from overvaluing productivity to now attempting balance with rest and self-care.
I still see value in understanding ultradian rhythms, sensing body cues of attention and energy, and attending to their correlates. But now I question the idea of energy as renewable. I think we all just need to sleep more and better–this is true for me, no question. I have tracked my bedtime since February, 2021. “Lights out 11:30” is the goal and I hit it much more consistently now than then. In these few short years I feel the costs of sleep debt much more tangibly than before, especially since I scaled back masking them with caffeine in 2024.
Now, with heightened awareness of my finite energy reserve, I feel empowered to choose where, with whom, and on what I spend it. I avoid and minimize low meaning, low connection encounters. I rest and gear up for activities and gatherings that matter to me, my relationships, and my life mission. “The world continues to spin out of control, which makes deliberate, concerted, and collaborative effort by you and me and our people that much more important, omfg!” I texted a friend just today.
Resources I count time and energy among my life resources. Relationships, knowledge, expertise, wisdom, curiosity, empathy, compassion, and idea synthesis and integration also count. How can/do I deploy any/all of these optimally? What greater impact could I make in any domain that matters if/when I do? When I consider the possibilities and potential, the connections, relationships, and causes I could advance that much further if I just dialed something (me!) up a little–wow, that moves me.
So I resolve to continue seeking, exploring, experimenting, reflecting, asking, sharing, collaborating, and living each day like it’s a gift. I resolve to give back to the best of my ability and have a ton of fun doing it. It’s about relationships. Every year I live and observe my fellow humans reinforces this. I will acknowledge and amplify when I see people connecting in love. I will nourish myself with this energy and send it back out stronger, with all the light I can muster.
If I can look back a year from now and see that I did this, or was at least more consistent in the effort, then 2026 will be a year well lived.
Howzit so far, friends? What do you see, hear, feel, think? Any anticipations and/or dreads?
It’s all a big jumble for me at the moment. Ambivalence, paradox, transition, uncertainty, determination, commitment, divergence, deep gratitude, high potential, and so much connection I can barely comprehend. A bit mindbending.
So I practice being with it. It just is, and I get to make my own meaning from it. Daughter and I agreed today, walking around Mayfair, that grounding in gratitude makes life better. I think I improve each year in this practice. I feel anger less often and less intensely now than ever despite the state of the world, remarkably–that’s a win. It’s not because I care less; rather I’m learning to spend my time, energy, and resources more mindfully and intentionally. Anxiety, frustration, and profanity still overtake my consciousness sometimes–how can they not? I still have much work to accept it all for myself and others–to witness and hold space for us all in our undulating distress.
Looking back at the 2025 book list, I wonder how I can structure my consumption to better balance the unfinished titles with new ones? I’m what they call a mood reader(listener), I think… Maybe in 2026 I’ll include start and finish dates and see what patterns emerge; that could be a fun and enlightening experiment!
What could I consider a resolution this year? Book work wobbled in 2025; 2026 could see a transition to solid output in that and other writing, while I maintain this blog well into year eleven. I have a plan for Lunar New Year greetings that makes me smile–yet another project that could distract from Book, uh-oh. Maybe the Opal app will help? Son recommended it; I have successfully mitigated social media on my phone for 8 hours per work day and a few hours on the weekend. Here’s hoping I can rewire my reward centers a bit in 2026! Meanwhile, the need to further moderate calories continues to persist and progress–menopause allostasis, friends, I’ got this–I can adapt ad hoc, ad infinitum. Because that is the way of nature, and I am part of nature.
Wrote some jar smiles for a friend last night that felt good:
2026: Hope. Love. Peace. Connection. Meaning. Wisdom. Empathy. Forebearance. Perseverance. Just as always! Because we are us. We. Are. Love.
How have you grown and changed this past year? How might we become even better versions of ourselves in the year to come? Onward in openness, love!
OH the things we thought so innocently in youth! May our wisdom not kill our innocence, though–rather just make it smarter–more effective!
We must accept things as they are before we can effectively change them. Seems paradoxical and counter-intuitive, no? Takes me a bit to wrap my brain around, still, and when I do, my world opens!
Every day is just another day and also a brand new amazing gift of a day! We can be in it fully at peace and also attack it with force–both and all aspects of our nature, of nature itself. I wrote recently to a friend: “One more thing about change: It’s nature, and I love that. It teaches me to be humble about what I think I know, to always expect that there is both more simplicity and more complexity than I currently understand. Nature is the quintessentially elegant and efficient system of systems—no wasted energy or resources. We humans are part of nature, and when we deny or defy it, we get positively smote! *laugh-sigh* So awesome.”
Maybe in 2026 I can flow. Flow more–more smoothly, more easily, more widely, openly, lovingly, and authentically. Shall I create a playlist, incidental and intentional, to uphold and reinforce such an ethos for this, the Year of the Fire Horse? What posture and movement corresponds to this mindset? What does health in the five domains (Sleep, Exercise, Nutrition, Stress management, Relationships) look, sound, and feel like in Flow? Ooo, let’s try it and see!
How does 2026 feel for you? What will you lean into? My best wishes for all of it and all of you, my friends.
I recently posed the following to a voice actor I know:
Acting and medicine: What do you imagine are the overlapping aspects of our respective work? I see it mostly in story—empathy for and holistic understanding of the full human experience, from the euphoric highs to the most sorrowful lows. For both of us, to be truly excellent at our work, we must call forth real and sincere empathy from our own depths, which is vulnerable and courageous in a lot of ways, don’t you think? For you, the stories are complete, and you get to interpret and bring them to life, to present them for our benefit. I get to elicit the stories, coax them to emerge in real time, and interpret them along with my patients. What stories do people tell about their health, their lives, their agency to influence it, and the outcomes they can/not achieve? We get to dissect and discuss and then act on our shared interpretation. We edit and revise together over time. I’ve practiced 26 years now, aging and evolving alongside my patients, going through life with them. Holy cow, what a privilege. Your work is solitary; mine is in front of people all day long and then some (I’m on call 24/7 for my primary care patients). People who (consume?) my work cannot help but know me, and I get immediate, real-time feedback on my effect and impact on them, good or bad (it’s mostly good 😊). You get to choose how much we know you, and you may be totally anonymous to many, as I think most folks don’t readily identify specific audiobook narrators. I hope (imagine) that you get enough positive feedback, validation, and reinforcement for your work! 😀 I also hope you get enough contact and connection with your colleagues. I can always walk down the hall and consult mine on challenging cases or difficult encounters. We are friends. My professional support network is at my elbow and fingertips; I hope yours is too! I submit that we can always find similarities among any/all professions that involve humans interacting with humans, don’t you think?
I wrote this six weeks ago. Today I wonder: Is this how m/any of my colleagues, at least in primary care, see themselves? Is this how any of our patients perceive us? How much can any of us know about any others’ work, calling, and experience, just from being on the receiving end of it? Now all I want to do is convene gatherings of fellow physicians and patients to discuss!
In case you want more of what I long to discuss salon-style with my people, see excerpts below from Rainer Maria Rilke’s fourth letter to Franz Xaver Kappus. Please feel free to write your thoughts in the comments!
Now, to books of the year.
Key: [Unfinished, not yet abandoned [Abandoned] Favorites –Repeat listens –how many times **Top 5 Romance novels are distinguished in blue on my personal document; sorry I cannot include text color here. Suffice it to say, they made the bulk of the list yet again. I needed more escape than deep thought from my book consumption this year; and I still do much better with audio than print on the initial pass. I leaned more heavily on old favorites for comfort in 2025; I have a plausible idea about why. The TBR/TBL continues to lengthen, and I happily use Audible credits to gift favorites to friends. Lots of good ones to dig into in the new year, and more reviews on the way.
Wishing all a meaningful and connecting holiday season! May your consumption in all domains be mindful and nourishing. May your most important ties tighten and strengthen while also freeing you to grow and evolve. May you hold hope ahead of cynicism and celebrate the brighter aspects of humanity loudly and colorfully when you witness them. May love light your way from within and without. May you never face adversity alone, and may you always feel secure in the unwavering support, encouragement, honesty, and accountability of those who love you most. Onward, friends. ODOMOBaaT.
Books 2025
[The Fourth Turning, William Strauss/Neil Howe
[Outlive, Peter Attia
[The Art of Quiet Influence, Jocelyn Davis
[Born Liars, Ian Leslie
[Connie: A Memoir, Connie Chung
[Want: Sexual Fantasies by Anonymous, Gillian Anderson
Guns, Germs, and Steel, Jared Diamond
The Will to Live and Other Mysteries, Rachel Naomi Remen
[Possible, William Ury
[Lust for Life, Irving Stone
[The Left Hand of God, Paul Hoffman]
[The Biology of Desire, Marc Lewis
The Librarian and the Orc, Finley Fenn
Dear Love, Grant Gosch–1
I Never Thought of It That Way, Mónica Guzmán
Throne of the Fallen, Kerrie Maniscalco
—Dr. Off Limits, Louise Bay
–Rory in a Kilt, Anna Durand–3
–Sanguine, Sierra Simone – 11
Trust: America’s Best Chance, Pete Buttigieg
The Reluctant Billionaire, Sara Madderson
–Duke of Depravity, Scarlett Scott
Once the Skies Fade, Vanessa Rasanen
This Woman, Jodi Ellen Malpas
Happily Ever Aftered, Lili Valente & Pippa Grant
Food For Thought, Alton Brown
Viscount of Villainy, Scarlet Scott
**The State of Affairs, Esther Perel
Duke of Pryde, Mariah Stone
–Wicked Conjuring, Sarah Piper
[True Love, Robert Fulghum
–Wicked Awakening, Sarah Piper
–Sweet Liar, Laurelin Paige
–Sweet Fate, Laurelin Paige
–Wicked Devouring, Sarah Piper
[Come As You Are, Jess K Hardy]
–Wicked Ascending, Sarah Piper
[The Witch’s Monsters Complete Series, Sarah Piper]
Hosed, Lili Valente & Pippa Grant
[Hammered, Lili Valente & Pippa Grant]
–Duke of Rath, Mariah Stone
–When the Duke Bought a Wife, Mariah Stone
–All Duke and Bothered, Mariah Stone
–Her Rake Fiancé, Mariah Stone
–Project Duke, Mariah Stone
–Betting Against the Scoundrel, Mariah Stone
The Wolf King, Lauren Palphreyman
The Moral Equivalent of War,William James
–Baby Proposal, Evie Rose
Devour the Dark, Nikki St. Crowe
Rising Sun, Donna Grant
Dark Heart, Donna Grant
[How Minds Change, David McRaney
[North Woods, Daniel Mason]
Storm Wood, Donna Grant
The Night Prince, Lauren Palphreyman
–Cocktail, Lauren Smith
The Muse, Lauren Blakely
Broken Sword: The Complete Excalibur Duet, Kim Loraine
**Never the Roses, Jennifer K Lambert–1
Revenge of the Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell
My Next Breath, Jeremy Renner
Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, Oliver Burkeman
Unholy Obsession, Stasia Black
Obsession: Mate Games Book 1, K Loraine & Meg Anne
–The Infinite Game, Simon Sinek
–For Love of Magic, Simon R Green
Crush,Ada Calhoune
A Sinful Gift, Emma Castle
In His Silks, Patricia D Eddy
Christmas Silks, Patricia D Eddy
A Knight in Shining Armor, Jude Deveraux
Polysecure, Jessica Fern
Coming Up Short, Robert Reich
Honor, Kristen Proby
Who Is Mr. Satoshi?, Jonathan Lee
Why We Love, Helen Fisher
What a Duke Dares, Anna Campbell
[The Well at the World’s End, AJ Mackinnon
How to Change, Katy Milkman
[Moral Ambition, Rutger Bregman
Set Piece, Lana Schwartz
The Anatomy Lesson, Nina Siegal
A Scoundrel by Moonlight, Anna Campbell
The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk, MD
[Existential Kink, Carolyn Elliott, PhD
–The Punishment of Ivy Leavold, Sierra Simone
–Supplicant, Sierra Simone
Throne of Secrets, Kerri Maniscalco
[The Messengers of Magic, Jessica Dodge]
[Romancing the Shadow, Dr. Connie Zweig & Dr. Steve Wolf
One More Gift, Holly June Smith—print then audio
All Fours, Miranda July
–Cheeky Royal, Nana Malone
–Cheeky King, Nana Malone
[Embers In the Snow, Anna Carven
[Careless People, Sarah Wynn-Williams
[An Ember in the Ashes, Sabaa Tahir]
Last First Kiss, Carrie Ann Ryan
**North Queen, Nicola Tyche—1
**Shadow Queen, Nicola Tyche–1
**War Queen, Nicola Tyche–1
[Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke, translation by MD Herter Norton
The Resurrectionist of Caligo, Wendy Trimboli & Alicia Zaloga
Oops Baby for the Mafia Boss, Evie Rose
The Hidden Brain, Shankar Vedantam
Hello Darling, Kayley Loring
Dangerous, Nora Ash
The Moon and His Tides, Giana Darling
Reign of a King, Rina Kent
The Secrets We Hide, Berlin Wick
[Hathor and the Prince, JJ McAvoy
Worpswede, near Bremen, 16th July, 1903.
Here, where a mighty land is about me, here I feel that no human being can answer for you those questions and feelings which have a life of their own in the depth of your heart, for even the best use words wrongly when they want to give them the most delicate and almost inexpressible meaning…
If you attach yourself to Nature, to the simple and small in her, which hardly anyone sees, but which can so unexpectedly turn into the great and the immeasurable, if you have this love for what is slight and try quite simply as a servant to win the confidence of what appears to you poor, then everything will become easier for you, more uniform and somehow more reconciling, not perhaps in the understanding, which holds back in amazement, but in your innermost consciousness, watchfulness and knowledge. You are so young, all beginning is so far in front of you, and I should like to beg you earnestly to have patience with all unsolved problems in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms, or books that are written in a foreign tongue. Do not search now for the answers, which cannot be given you, because you could not live them. That is the point, to live everything. Now you must live your problems. And perhaps gradually, without noticing it, you will live your way into the answer some distant day. Perhaps you actually have in you the possibility of moulding and shaping, as a particularly blessed and pure form of life; train yourself in it—but take what comes in complete trust, and, as long as it comes from your own will, from some need or other of your inner self, then take it for itself and hate nothing…
…Rejoice in your growth, into which you can take no one with you, and be good to those who remain behind. Be assured and peaceful in their presence, do not torture them with your doubts and do not frighten them with your confidence or your joy, which they could not comprehend. Seek some kind of simple, true communion with them, which need not change as you yourself become ever different…
But your loneliness will be a support and a home to you in the midst of unsympathetic surroundings, and out of it you will find all the ways of your life. All my good wishes are ready to accompany you, and my confidence is with you.
Yours, RAINER MARIA RILKE. Translated by K.W. Maurer
Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke Rilke, Rainer Maria. Letters to a Young Poet. Trans. K.W. Maurer. London: Langley & Sons. The Euston Press, N.W.I., 1943 (public domain)
Healing Through Connection 