Look for the Helpers

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18

November Gratitude Shorts, Day 19

I never intend to write on politics here, but I suppose if I am to be authentic in blogging, as in life, I need to express potentially controversial things at times.

In the past few days I find myself glued to Facebook, looking for information and reflecting on friends’ posts. I am grateful today for all the writers more knowledgeable and articulate than I, who strive to contribute peace and understanding in the face of fear and destruction. I hope I can make my own small contributions, too.

I share now the timeline of articles that have helped me cope with recent world events.


Saturday, November 14:

My friend posted this photo, which prompted me to wonder… “But what does it mean for an ordinary citizen to ‘stand with’ a whole other country at a time like this? It’s more terrorism happening, right? The root of that is hate, anger, self-loathing, and other pain, from what I have read. So maybe ‘standing with’ France or any other victims of violence means exercising more curiosity and compassion, less judgment and negativity, toward the people right around us, whomever they are, wherever we are. We may not redeem a terrorist this way, but we can at least not help make one?”

I did not know about the bombing in Beruit, and learned important perspective about media coverage of world events from this article.

Then, a friend posted an even deeper discussion of how we truly cannot relate, as Americans, to the horror in the Middle East, and an invitation to open our hearts and minds to awareness.

Tuesday, November 18:

Increasing news coverage about US governors announcing refugees unwelcome in their states.   A friend posted a history lesson from the Washington Post.

I see opposing viewpoints emerging in stark and sometimes vehement relief on my friends’ pages. No refugees until all of our veterans are off the streets and taken care of!  If you refuse refugees you let ISIS win, you are a pawn of fear, stop being a coward! Look at all the atrocities committed by Muslims! Oh yeah? Look at all these other atrocities committed by Christians!  Do we really want to play this game of one-ups-manship?

Just when it felt overwhelming, and I wondered again what a single citizen could do, another friend posted this picture:

And another posted this article about a past governor of my home state of Colorado, who stood out and up for his inner sense of humanity.

And another posted this quote and photo of Robert Kennedy:

Finally today, I felt impatient with all the negativity. Everybody is scared. How could we not be?  I have thought more than once just this past month that the world may actually end in my lifetime, the way things look now. But all the verbal attacks and undermining, the incendiary comments, stereotyping,  judgment, and impulsivity, on all sides, just is not helpful. If your neighbor or friend rejects refugees out of fear, how does mocking that fear make anything better?  Why must we choose between housing our veterans and granting asylum to refugees?  Surely, if we call upon the best that is America, we can do both and more?

I posted on my own page today: “I need to look for articles on the GOOD that Muslims, Christians, and others do around the world. Comparing the harm that one group does, to the harm that other groups do, keeps our focus on dark, destruction, and pain. In order to really see one another in light, we have to shift our attention to the light.”

So I looked, and once again, other writers held me up:

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/55b65597e4b0224d8832d6f0

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1655479

https://reason.com/archives/2015/04/29/where-are-all-the-good-muslims-around-yo

A lot of people quote Mr. Rogers these days, and rightly so.  Look for the helpers, his mom told him.  “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping.'”  We should take this advice, and not only look for the helpers, but try to be helpers, too.

look for helpers

 

Books! Thankful for books!

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November Gratitude Shorts, Day 18

Yesterday I meant to post about books!  There are so many, how can we ever read them all?  Thank goodness for all these authors, who take the time and expend the energy to create and publish for the benefit of us all!

I keep a list of my favorites:

  1. The Art of Possibility, Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
  2. Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting, Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn
  3. Healing From the Heart, Mehmet Oz, MD
  4. Now, Discover Your Strengths, Buckingham and Clifton
  5. The Power of Mindful Learning, Ellen Langer
  6. A Whole New Mind, Daniel Pink
  7. The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
  8. On Gratitude, Aaron Jensen
  9. Complications, Atul Gawande, MD
  10. Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, Malcolm Gladwell
  11. Made to Stick, Chip and Dan Heath
  12. Positive Psychology in a Nutshell, Ilona Boniwell
  13. Kitchen Table Wisdom and My Grandfather’s Blessings, Rachel Naomi Remen, MD
  14. The Inner Game of Tennis, W. Timothy Gallwey
  15. The Heart Speaks, Mimi Guarneri, MD, FACC
  16. Proof of Heaven, Eben Alexander, MD
  17. Peaceful Piggy Meditation, Kerry Lee Maclean
  18. The Timekeeper, Mitch Albom
  19. The Social Animal and The Road to Character, David Brooks
  20. Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engaging With Everyday Life, Mihalyi Csikszentmihaly
  21. The Mind’s Own Physician, ed. Jon Kabat-Zinn, Richard J. Davidson
  22. Daring Greatly and Rising Strong, Brené Brown
  23. Resonate, Nancy Duarte
  24. Start With Why and Leaders Eat Last, Simon Sinek
  25. Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert

During visits with patients, many of these titles routinely come up either in my mind or in conversation.  I found myself sharing them so often that I finally decided to keep them on a Word file to share electronically, and I add to it regularly.   Often, people have already read one or more, which is when I know I am connected with a like soul.  I love when that happens!

There are so many books I have yet to read, indeed that I am dying to read–I have bought most of them already!  My bookshelves are almost out of space, and the books are spilling out onto most other horizontal surfaces in the house.  Here are some titles I plan to read in the next year (the next few months, ideally!); please feel free to suggest others:

  1. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
  2. Being Mortal, Atul Gawande
  3. Drive, Daniel Pink
  4. The Book of Forgiving, Desmond Tutu & Mpho Tutu
  5. How the Body Knows Its Mind, Sian Beilock

I have yet to read most of the ones on this shelf, though I have dipped into many of them a few times.  I like to dig deep, mark them up, and take them down over and over again when I make connections between them.

bookshelf

The book post was meant to be lighthearted…  Books bring joy, wisdom, knowledge, connection, learning, laughter, pictures–it’s all good!

Today feels heavier, and my focus on reading and writing takes a serious turn…  More on that for Day 19…

Who’s Your Team?

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November Gratitude Shorts, Day 17

As I lay on the table in physical therapy today I thought, how fortunate I am to have healthcare insurance that allows me to come every week and get help for my pain and dysfunction. I always leave feeling better, and my therapist knows exactly what’s going on and what to do.

I also have an incredible trainer. She has a sixth sense for my mood and readiness for challenge each session. She is also a lifelong learner, and seeks new knowledge from reading and conferences, among other things. When I share assessments between these two dedicated providers, they each integrate the other’s recommendations and the results are synergistic.

My primary care doctor has ‘the three A’s’ that matter most to us patients, in order: Availability, Affability, and Ability. He also cares for my children, and manages their hypervigilant internist mom with kindness and patience.

My therapist is a Godsend. I don’t have depression or anxiety, nor psychosis or a personality disorder, that I know of.  But I have my share of emotional baggage, and having an objective professional to help me sort and process has proven invaluable in all aspects of my life. Long-established thought, feeling, and behavior patterns show up repeatedly, wearing slightly different outfits each visit. Through therapy I have learned to recognize the party crashers more easily, and manage them better over time.  Sometimes they are allowed to stay, and I make sure they know the rules. Other times they get thrown out, again.  Therapy helps me keep my inner house in order, so that I may welcome and integrate new knowledge and wisdom.

But my team includes more than just my healthcare providers. I have a strong cadre of close friends upon whom I can call at any time, and who will answer always with love and understanding. I recently had a sudden personal dilemma that caused me considerable angst. I emailed a few of these friends and each of them responded immediately with exactly the wisdom I needed… Not necessarily what I wanted, but that’s what true friends do–they tell you the truth with kindness, compassion, and unconditional love.

I also count my parents, sisters, husband, children, neighbors, some colleagues, and many others, as team members. The NFL comes to mind… Choose your team–each is comprised of literally hundreds of people, all working for the shared purpose of making the team, as a whole, the best it can be.

I cannot think of how my team could possibly be better.  And it’s not just about me. I am a member of each other person’s team, too. We all hold each other up.

An idea came to me in conversation this past weekend, when I spoke to a fellow internist about physician burnout and patient satisfaction: We cannot separate my well-being from your well-being, if we are in relationship. And we are all in relationship. So let us take care of one another.