Tag Archives: gratitude

Holding Appreciation

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Photo by Eileen Barrett

Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate. Wishing all a sense of peace, connection, and of course gratitude.

From Facebook

On holidays like Thanksgiving and Mother’s Day, I really appreciate posts like this, which remind us how conventionally observed events land differently for people.

From Instagram

These messages remind me to not take things for granted. They help me recognize my privileges, earned and unearned. It’s not about provoking guilt, shame, blame or anger, or pointing out oppression. It’s also more than simply acknowledging gratitude in the usual way.

It’s an important practice in perspective. Each reminder that everybody doesn’t move through the world as I do, people perceive the same events in widely divergent ways, and there are always multiple valid points of view, grounds me in awareness, humility, empathy, compassion, and non-judgment.

I do not advocate deriving life meaning from comparison to others. Still, appreciation for all I have that others don’t, my top 1% default life, gives me pause, as well it should. MaBa started life as their parents fled the Communist Revolution in China. While survival may have only been threatened briefly, real material scarcity imprinted on my elder generations’ psyches in ways I will never truly fathom. Recalling life as college and medical students, and even as residents, prompts Hubs and me to appreciate deeply the freedoms our current status affords us. Physicians enjoy very high standing in our culture, both financially and socially, and yet nothing is guaranteed. Fortunes can turn on a dime. I don’t spend time or energy ruminating on this, but I practice cognizance so in the event of catastrophe, at least I appreciated what I had when I had it.

This reflection evokes a sense of responsibility, accountability, contribution, and community. It motivates me from wishing to wanting to working for all to have at least the basics to live safely, securely, and with dignity, and more ideally to thrive in full societal engagement, fulfillment, and joy.

Gratitude and thanksgiving feel good. Gathering to celebrate and express the sentiments connects us. If it can also move us to turn our gratitude outward and present as helpers in the world, in any way, then all the better.

I Hold Appreciation for Us tonight. May we root deeply in gratitude for all we have, and seek to grow prosperity beyond ourselves, however we can.

Bit Post: How to Get Me There

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The loving space

OH how I hate these conditioning workouts.

And yet here I am, on the other side of another one, feeling *AWESOME* in spirit and absolutely spent in body.

I sign up only partially wanting to come. I still have the “I should” voice, which I appreciate and continue to reframe as “I know I will thank myself later. I will be glad that I did it. STRONG OLD LADY!!”

But the catalyst that gets me past the activation energy is the people. I know the coaches; I know they are here to encourage, to keep me safe, and never to judge. I may or may not know my classmates, but they are reliably friendly and welcoming, and we all follow the coaches’ lead, leaving any and all judgments at the door.

They say that how we treat ourselves underlies how we treat others, and we are generally kinder to others than to ourselves. So being in this space, where others are so kind to me, coming here regularly, teaches me to strengthen my body and soften my self-talk.

Melissa taught me the five factors that keep kids in sports; they are the same factors that keep adults in an exercise program:

1. It’s FUN
2. Our friends are doing it
3. We feel like we fit in
4. We feel competent, like we know what we’re doing
5. We feel we are making or can make progress

Generally I think if we have three or more at any given time, it may be enough to keep us going.

At Ethos I have all five. Well, today not the first one. But the other four, absolutely, no question, in spades.

There are simply not enough words for the gratitude.

Loving Competition

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Orange zest sourdough.
Sven is now 3.5 months old.

Claggy. Stodgy. Squidgy. Prove, not proof.

Daughter and I are learning the language of British baking by binging the wonderful Netflix show. It’s the best reality TV there is, no question.

Every season starts with 12, sometimes 13 amateur bakers from all over the UK, men and women, old and young. Each themed week (cake, biscuit, pastry, bread, and others) they undertake three challenges, one of which is conducted blind, meaning they have no idea what it is until it starts, and the judges rank the identical attempts without knowing who made which. From the beginning, we the audience can relate to the bakers as friends, coworkers, and family, thanks to fun biography videos interspersed throughout the episodes. Daughter and I choose our champions early on.

One person gets eliminated every week for nine weeks, then the final three bake their butts off for the crystal cake stand trophy in week 10. That last contest ends in a great big garden party where friends and family, as well as previously eliminated bakers, gather to celebrate an entire summer of convectionary creations they never dreamed of making before.

Despite constant tension and suspense from time constraints, mixing failures, collapsing structures and the like, there is minimal, if any, drama. No sabotage, no trash talk, no passive aggression, condescension, or ad hominem of any kind. In fact, the bakers *help* one another every single episode. They cheer enthusiastically for each other’s successes. They rush to assist stragglers to present in time. They banter with ease. And there is a lot of hugging.

Make no mistake, they are each in it to win. Their projects span cultures, geography, seasons, and all genres and media of things bakable, and their flavor, texture, and height ambitions drop our jaws every episode. And though the premise of the show is competition and winning, its ethos is grounded solidly in love. The bakers simply love baking. It is their passion. They respect and admire the judges, one another, and the art of their craft. And by the end of the season, they love one another, as evidenced by post-production coda videos of cohort members cavorting, crisscrossing the UK to hang out, cook, travel, and karaoke together.

I binge this show because it lifts my spirits. The humor, the personalities, and the creativity, ohmygod! But much more than any of that, it’s the relationships and connections that mean the most to me. Somehow the show leaders have created a culture wherein it’s okay—expected, even—to show vulnerability, to admit to fear, self-doubt, and struggle. And in so doing, the bakers form a tight tribe of safety and mutual support in the striving. While in competition, there is no conflict. I do my best and you do yours. We each show up to give it our all, and we leave it all on the table, literally. At the end of the weekend we trust that the elimination process is fair. We celebrate those who make it through to next week, and we surround the one saying so long with tears of empathy and gratitude for such a worthy rival, who elevates our own game. Group hug!

I write “we” as if I’m one of them, as if I could dream of joining this loving tribe. I wish! But don’t we all wish for this? Wouldn’t we all benefit and grow from the nudging and pushing of loving competition and rivalry, from showing one another what might be possible if we dream a little bigger, take a little more risk, and show up all and only ourselves? We have nothing to prove to anyone but our best selves, and even though only one can take home the prize, we know that that person truly earned it, and we all became better in the process. No grudges, no bitterness. Only love, growth, and friendship.

I wonder if the Olympics are like this? Higher, faster, stronger! Elite athletes. Star bakers. Regular folks.

Who pushes you by pushing themselves, leading you by this example? How do you do this for others? In the end our most important competition is the one against our former selves. We play the infinite game of growth and self-improvement alongside one another, each with our own goal posts. We ourselves may be great. But without each other, we won’t ever get far.