Author Archives: Catherine Cheng, MD

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About Catherine Cheng, MD

I am a general internist in Chicago, Illinois, mother of two, almost native Coloradan, and Northwestern alum. I want to leave the world better for my having lived, by cultivating the best possible relationships between all who know me, and all whom I influence. Join me on this crazy, idealistic, fascinating journey! Look for new posts on the 10th, 20th, and 30th of each month. Opinions posted here are entirely my own, and in no way reflect the opinions or policies of my employer.

Creativity

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Normally I hate to rhyme
But tonight I’ve run out of time
Because I really want to get to bed
And this post has still not formed in my head

So I’ll try something new again, yes?
And attempt my readers to impress
With some on-the-fly verse
In my experimental mindset I immerse!

How is my creativity already good?
It starts when I reject the “should”
When I honor my own desire to create
I can let go or embrace things I’d normally hate!

Making things brings me such joy
When both left and right brains I readily employ
To create from love, connection, and skill
My highest values I share and fulfill

I prove to myself the things I can do
And show others they can do a lot, too.
Then we can all revel in the fun
Having bonded and made memories when we are done

How could I do creativity better?
Would it be painting, knitting or crafting a letter?
So many media, opportunities to learn
Anything new, I could take a turn

Probably some more armor to shed
Not even sure where it lives in my head
Fiction has always seemed an off-limits art
But perhaps I, too, can make up stories from the heart?

How do we collectively already create well?
This is where I feel really proud, hell–
What is there that we humans cannot do
When we let our imaginations free of conformist and conventional goo?

New ideas and creations spring forth any given moment
From necessity, inspiration, incentive, or torment
This is where I feel the most optimism and hope
Because anything we make could stop our slide down the slope
Of division, separation, violence and greed
If we our highest humanity heed

So how can we do creativity better?
How can each of us be a making jetsetter?
Free our minds and hearts, I want to shout!
It is only by trying that we may find out
What great heights of connection we could achieve
If only I, you, and we all really believe

That no matter what fuckups we’ve perpetrated to date,
As long as we love it’s still not too late
We can always create, make at least one thing good
Because while we are all still here each one of us could
Choose to show up with imagination, openness, and, “Hmmmm”
And get our most collaborative vibes to thrum

Hey this has been pretty good, don’t you think?
And it only took a few minutes of rink and tink
Maybe poetry is what I might try more of soon
I could give it another shot before the next moon.

For now, however, four in the month left to go
I have ideas beyond November to show
But off to bed for me, and friends–
May your day be bright and your joy never end!


Acceptance

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Two plutonium bombs in different locations. The only way to save the world is to defuse them at exactly the same 1/10th of a second, but only after the detonation key is deactivated from yet another location. And that cannot happen until the countdown has started, which gives the hero team fifteen minutes to get it all done.
“Okay,” badass girl hero says.
No denial, no, “That can’t be, you’ve got to be kidding me, there must be another way.”
Just, “Okay.”
And they get to it, one step at a time, improvising, committed together and flexing around obstacles one after another. In typical action movie fashion, the villain dies a karmically satisfying death, the heroes prevail, justice is served, and the world never knows it was miliseconds away from nuclear annihilation.
Props if you can name the movie. 😉

How do I do acceptance well already?
–I totally get it in my thinking mind; and when the thing I must accept is not emotionally charged, I adapt easily and take everything in stride. Flexibilty helps with this, and my life is generally smooth sailing.
–I’m better able now to recognize when I don’t actually fully accept something–when recognizing it intellectually is not enough to get to peace with it.
–When this happens, I can sit with the discomfort–accept it–and let is pass. I tell myself it’s normal and human to have a hard time with deep inner conflicts, that self-awareness in service of reflection, regulation, and more right action is a lifelong learning journey.

How could I do better?
–I need to find a better bridge between cognitive and emotional acceptance. I understand what is happening. I don’t like it, and get that I don’t have control. I recognize where I have agency and not. And yet, I still end up wallowing in irritation, anger, sadness, and resentment. Less frequently each year than the last, and less severely now than before, but sheesh, how long before I can just roll easier with it all and suffer less, FFS?
–Breathe breathe breathe. Maybe prayer? Writing definitely helps. Keep doing the work.
–Or (and?) just accept that this amount of mild to moderate pain and suffering is just par for the course? Huh.

How does society already do well at acceptance?

Is this mostly about inclusion? So many of my posts this month relate to identity, both individual and collective. No matter who you are or what there is about you, it seems easier now than ever to find those who will see, understand, accept, and even love you. They may not be physically local, but you can find literature, resources, and virtual communities to bond over almost anything, it seems. The caveat is that our culture is so emotionally charged right now, non-acceptance threatens to overtake and drive our collective in- and out-group encounters, dividing us more than uniting, making acceptance something we don’t even strive for anymore.

How could we all do better together?

Ask better questions. What is it that we need to do better at accepting, exactly? Facts? Fundamental disagreements? Conflicting values and goals? Shared ones? What questions will give us clarity on what is, and help us resist the urge to ignore, deny, dismiss, and minimize? How can we get to “Okay,” and move with calm and equanimity, peace and purpose, and even joy, toward what could be? What does “Okay” feel like, when/where have we felt it before, and how did we get there?

Maybe the first steps toward peaceful and productive acceptance, among others, are curiosity, non-judgment, and openness to learning. The primary reward and benefit of true, honest, cognitive and emotional acceptance, and what I long for most, is inner peace. I want this so much because I know that wherever and whenever I have inner peace about something, that peace lifts me. It exudes with a palpable force, and my impact on my surroundings is positive. When my innards are turbulent, conflicted, and agitated, I’m not the only one who suffers.
*sigh*
Onward. It is through the struggles that we grow.

Flexibility

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Speaking of… I write this from the emergency department, where Daughter is now observed for an anphylactic allergic food reaction (she’s okay now). *sigh* We do what we’ gotta do–will be here at least another 4 hours.

How do I already do flexibility well?
–I have an agile mind. It freezes occasionally, but most of the time I can assess a fluid situation and work out effective solutions on the fly. Every day in executive health is different and unique, with schedule disruptions from new symptoms, exam findings, test results, and events in other departments. The team, physicians and staff alike, move like gears shifting and sliding amongst one another, keeping the machine running as smoothly as possible.
–I have a low threshold to question and challenge ‘how we have always done’ something, especially when it’s no longer relevant or useful. This includes assessing my default assumptions, especially negative ones, about people. I don’t always do this readily, but more often now than before.
–I can change personal plans without much distress, as long as circumstances allow. I am seldom married to any given itinerary; my greatest sadness is when long awaited meetings with loved ones fall through.

How could I do better?
–I know there are situations where I am rigid, attached to my default assumptions, and not aware. Even when I am aware, I still resist flexing. I’m human. *sigh* So: more mindfulness… Polarity management… Perspective taking… Hmmm… I’m really glad I’ve written these posts this month–they will be a helpful handbook of skills and reminders going forward.
–Sometimes I may be too flexible, which can lead to indecisiveness and meandering. Wide collaboration and flat leadership hierarchy style have pitfalls. I think this is a minor weakness, though. I can sense pretty well when I need to decide something; and since most decisions are two-way doors, my openness to flexibility is still rewarded.

How are we already collectively flexible?

Freedom of expression; innovation. Conflicting opinions notwithstanding, American culture is pretty tolerant of widely varying manifestations of individual and group identity. We are relatively open, I think, to new ideas and creativity. We may not be the most flexible or open, but I think the number of innovations in many domains that originate in the US is a testament to our ability to flex…in technical and commercial areas more than social, in my non-evidence-based observation.

How could we do flexibility better together?

Cull bureaucracy. This feels like chasing a better balance between centralized and decentralized government/management, affording better local responses to acutely changing circumstances and needs. How would this work? Off the top of my head:
–Crystal clear vision, mission, values, goals common to and bought in by all locales
–Concrete, relevant, direct, attributable, and achievable metrics–adjusted to local specifics and still clearly aligned with global mission/goals
–Effective accountability and regular assessment, feedback and remediation as needed
–Balanced interdependence between nodes of the system; stakes for each unit in each other unit’s success

Promote experimentation, pilots, start ups. We facilitate flexibility when creativity and innovation is low risk and low cost. Manage sunk cost biases, apply iterative learning, practice seeing more doors that swing two ways. Collaborate and integrate between disciplines.

Stop punishing the masses for transgressions of the few. Regulation is complex. At least in medicine, the vast majority of practitioners make an honest living, making occasional accounting mistakes. My impression is that sporadic examples of fraud, admitedly severe, incite layers of global stricture on billing and verification, strangling all of us with at least as much time spent on paperwork as on face to face patient care, fueling burnout and alienating patients from their care providers. David French has written that it is not the severity of punishment that deters crime; it is the assuredness of it. I will park illegally if I think I won’t get caught, even if the ticket is $100. But if I know I’ll be charged $20 every time I do it, I won’t. So, maximize accountability and optimize systems for members to self-regulate effectively.

I hope you all had a Thanksgiving that fulfilled at least some hopes of communion, connection, and joy. Living with high risk medical conditions, when sudden and severe episodes trigger acute, indiscriminate, and impactful changes in plans, makes us even more flexible than we may already be. It’s useful, if painful, training. I am always grateful to walk out intact on the other side.