Category Archives: communication

Tested and Called

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https://www.ice.gov/join

“Hope has two daughters, anger and courage: Anger with the way things are, and courage to change them for the better.” –apocryphal quote (often attributed to St. Augustine)

Alex Pretti and Renee Nicole Goode have both died at the hands of ICE officers this month. There are too many other reports of abusive, unlawful, and inhumane ICE acts to list here.
I have spent the better part of the last 30 hours thinking about my Red voting friends.
Is this what you voted for?
(How) Are you okay with this?
What are you even seeing (and not)?
Are you willing to consider that ICE agents are acting unlawfully?
That the DHS and current federal administration are lying about these and other events?
DHS states there will be no investigation into Goode’s shooting. Rather, they launched a query into her partner. Minnesota state officials are barred by federal entities from conducting their own investigations. A court order was obtained by state officials to prevent the federal government from tampering with evidence at the scene of Pretti’s shooting.

More questions to my Red voting friends:
Where is the line?
What ideals that prompted your vote justify this level of impunity and lack of accountability by federal agents, that costs people their lives?
How many lives of wrongly detained, legal immigrants are you willing to disrupt and traumatize, or end, to apprehend the criminal ones? Or do you care? Or do you deny that this even happens?
What has to happen before you consider the current administration’s actions untenable, or at least in need of reform?

I had a strong impulse this weekend to give up on political dialogue. That’s a big deal. How can I connect with anybody who could condone these actions? I feel more hopeless today than I have in a very long time. I worry for my own safety and that of my children, with our Asian faces walking around in big cities. I start to understand why and how regular citizens silence ourselves despite our desire to rise up and resist. If I had no children, would I be more brave? What would I be (am I) willing to sacrifice to stand up to tyranny in my own neighborhood?

My core values of openness, curiosity, empathy, compassion, and relationship are severely tested today. I see myself as an agent of connection, a ‘boundary spanner,’ a mediator between groups, and joyfully so. I can almost always find something in common, a shared value or goal, with anyone I meet. Every new person is a potential friend, no matter their background. But when I see flagrant, unmitigated, violent dehumanization by federal agents on people going about their daily lives (I will never forget images of moms dragged out of their vehicles in school pick up lines in Chicago, leaving their children traumatized and unattended), and I hear you justifying, or worse denying it (actually, which is worse?), I question whether I can really find common ground with you.

As I wrote Chinese New Year greetings to friends today, my angst inevitably spilled onto the cards. How lucky to have friends I trust to hold space for my distress, even as I wish them prosperity and health this Fire Horse year. They understand that writing helps me process, and maybe the transitions I make on the page help them, too?
” *sigh* Anyway — This year I intend to output that much more love and tighten connections more — find even more ways to amplify unity energy… All while I protect my own sanity and strength… We stand TOGETHER! It’s the best way through, which is the only way out. All of our best leadership skills are CALLED FORTH. We are TESTED. And so we SHOW UP!
OH YEAH, DIY PEP TALK. BRING IT.” –Written to a LOH cohortmate today.

I feel angry at what the federal government is doing to people in the name of immigration control. I am disgusted by the utter lack of accountability demonstrated in myriad acts of state sanctioned violent force against unarmed people. I seethe at the state of our politics and the utter impotence of elected officials to act like adults and negotiate policy respectfully, honestly, and in good faith.
I seek outlets for the anger, modes through which to transform this energy into something constructive rather than corrosive. I read today that bell hooks once asked Thich Nhat Hanh about anger, and he told her to use it as ‘compost’. Brilliant. Kind of reminds me of my Sh*tpile post back in 2015.

So how will my courage emerge and manifest? What am I willing to risk to stand up for my values? I do not live or work where ICE operates in Chicago. My job and activities keep me secluded from areas of conflict. I don’t like crowds or protests.
Is it courageous to continue seeking connection with my Red voting friends and acquaintances? Because that is what I feel called to do, even/especially when it’s hard.
I don’t see many people doing it, and I’d rate my skills at about a 6/10, maybe 7, depending on how I define my goals in any given conversation. Mostly I aim to foster mutual understanding. Usually l walk away feeling that I understand, and not sure that I’m understood. I wish my conversation partners would ask me as many open ended questions as I ask them. The only way to facilitate this is to continue connecting.

Message to Red voting friend yesterday: “____, would you be interested in another call soon?” Five minutes later the reply: “yes I would” 18 hours later, we have a date and time set.

Tested and Called. Anger and Courage. Openness, Curiosity, Empathy, Compassion, and Relationship. It’s all still worth working for, practicing, training, and leading. ODOMOBaaT.

Please find below examples of courage and leadership that held me up this weekend. Many thanks to friends Sharon and Troy who shared them with me.

Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney’s remarks at the World Economic Forum (starts at 7:30)

Interview with President of Finland Alexander Stubb, also during the World Economic Forum

The difference between Loyal Opposition and Resistance

On the Eve of Re-Entry

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https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-59390446

Does the Great British Baking Show make you cry?

Daughter and I watched most of Season 9 (2021) this weekend and I teared up more times than all of 2025 combined. I sat down to write about it, then realized I did that already, back in 2019. So now what? Blog, Cheng. Write what’s on the mind.

Tomorrow I return to work for the first time since New Year’s Eve. 18 days off. I last took this much time away in 2021, a five month leave of absence for family crisis. Wow. I thank my lucky stars for colleagues who so generously cover, so I may leave in total confidence. Here on the eve of re-entry, I feel strongly ambivalent–eager to resume my professional identity and also reluctant to exit the bliss of vacation.

Son and Daughter were home for five and six weeks, respectively, perhaps the longest we have all been together since Son started college in 2022. We took a family trip to London, then Son and I went to Colorado together. I got quality time with both kids, all together and one-on-one. I shake my head at the gift, heart full to bursting. I also see their sibling relationship evolving, which warms me. My momness heart was made for adult children. The bulk of hands-on parenting is complete and now I get to reap the rewards, hallelujah. I did okay; they’re okay!

Son returned to college yesterday; Daughter goes back in two days. I miss them both now more than ever–what is that about? When they were both home for Thanksgiving, twelve weeks after emptying the nest, I realized afresh how anxious I am about their health and well-being when they are here. Out of sight, out of mind is not necessarily a bad thing in parenting, I thought sheepishly. So I knew to expect it this holiday, and managed it a little better, yay! Son has proven himself independent and capable for years now, and Daughter managed herself remarkably maturely her first semester of college. I can safely and confidently loosen my watchful grip and step more fully into advisor mode. Wow.

Everything changes. I should have known that this new life phase would be a longer transition than just those first few months of lone couplehood again after 22 years of 24/7 parenting. It was positively blissful, and these past weeks of whole family togetherness required more psychological adjustment than I had anticipated. I make no assumptions now–how will I feel come Wednesday, when it will be another seven weeks before Kids return? I hold my psyche open to any response. Son will live at home this summer for the first time in four years–three whole months! I cannot wait. If Daughter comes home too, holy cow. We will all re-negotiate new family dynamics–bring it! My conversations and observations with both of them this break make me so proud and grateful–they are my people–curious, creative, sensitive, and mature. I relish the chance to witness their further growth and development.

Bake Off, with its loving and creative connections forged among contestants while they rise to repeated challenges together, this amazing expression of all that is good about people and bringing out our potential for one another, stirs all that I hold dear for myself, my children, my patients, friends, colleagues and the world. Take the risk. Do your best. Support others in doing the same. No wonder it makes me cry.

2026 feels portentious, more so than recent new years. I feel a strong desire to be even more mindful, intentional, alert, and aware of my attention and expenditures. The Opal app continues to mitigate my social media use. I feel less driven now to post and share, and it’s a very good thing. I intend to write a lot more this year. I will do some deeper inner work with Grant Gosch. I will complete at least one, good, unassisted pull up! I will continue to nurture and cultivate the relationships that matter most, and also open myself to any new connections that emerge with that cosmic twinkle I recognize so well. I will trust myself to know when I know, to hold on or let go according to my now well-trained, middle aged intuition.

It’s all good. Maybe I should take a few weeks off at the beginning of every year?

Lever Arms, Body Mass, Power, and Leadership

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First seen on a social media post by Simon Sinek; please let me know whom to credit!

What makes you an asset to the team? How do you know? How does your leader know?
Does your leader know?

Friend Mark came with me to Ethos last weekend for the last conditioning workout of the block. We pulled the skiers and rowers side by side for 200-300m or 90 seconds, whichever came first, among other movements. No matter how fast I pulled, he still finished at least twenty to thirty seconds before me. Pushing the 215# sleds down and back on the turf, you’d think his weighed almost nothing the way he zipped along, compared to my Sisyphian effort. But I didn’t feel too bad about myself. I’m 5’2″ and 145#; he’s got at least a foot and 60# on me, I’m sure. I marveled briefly at our juxtaposition and just reveled in the fun of having my friend with me in one of my favorite places.

Today, back on the skier and rower, I thought again about our physical differential while pulling, varying my method between leading with legs, back, and arms. I wondered if I’d be an asset or a liability on a rowing team? Is it generally advantageous for rowers to be tall, so they get more distance per pull from their longer lever arms and leg extensions? Could I ever find a rowing method that could compensate for my much shorter limbs? Does my lower body mass give the team any advantage, and if so would it make up for the limb length deficit? How could I maximize my power to contribute? What are the ideal physics of a heterogeneous crew habitus? How could this team win consistently?

It all got me thinking about leadership, naturally.

How do we all contribute from our strengths? How do our leaders identify our strengths and amplify them, then place us in positions of complement and synergy for the good of all?

This requires more attention, thought, intent, creativity, and work than most leaders consider to be their jobs, no? It requires relationship. I must know you to find your true strengths; I must know the whole team to see how we all fit together, where we grind and where we glide. When I do this, you are much more likely to feel seen and valued. I can enlist each person to identify not just their own strengths but one another’s. Proactively synergizing our respective gifts can bond the team in mutual respect and collaboration. My effort, then, is worth the rewards in loyalty and willingness to sacrifice, because we all feel in it together.

Leaders who are willing to do this cultivate cohesive teams who can withstand adversity with confidence and grit. We can call on one another’s superpowers with humility and collegiality, knowing we shine brightest when we all shine together, rather than always trying to outshine one another.

Honesty and transparency stand out as core values here. If I really wanted to row and understood why that would not serve my team, if I were told kindly how I could contribute meaningfully in other ways that also align with my strengths, I’d be much more willing to pivot and still participate fully. That would require my team leader to take time and energy to communicate clearly and completely. I think this is not too much to ask. We should expect it, train it, and hold leaders accountable for it with specific, relevant, and regular feedback.

If the default assumption is that everyone has a worthwhile contribution to make regardless of limb length, body mass or other attribute, and leaders actively help team members identify and amplify their strengths, then that contribution will manifest from each and all of us fully and for the greatest good.
What a wonderful exercise on possibility, no?