Category Archives: gratitude

Healing Through Connection Turns 10 This Month

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Dear Friends,

Oh my goodness. It’s been a decade. Holy cow. I’m in the feels, people.

I published the very first post here on April 14, 2015, The Premise. Reading it again now (I can’t remember the last time I read it), I’m proud that I can still stand firmly and proudly behind every sentence. At that time, I had only begun to speak nationally on physician burnout and well-being, culminating in multiple memorable and rewarding collaborations until right before the pandemic. That work carries on now without my direct participation, still championed by colleagues whom I admire more than words can express. My own work in wellness has since touched other professions including design, law, and state and federal judiciaries. How humbling to be invited into these spaces; what a privilege. Every opportunity teaches me, broadens my perspective, and reinforces my Premise:

“Patients and physicians have control over one thing above all else: our relationship with each other.  Relationships live and die by communication.  Barriers on the obstacle course of patient-physician communication loom large and formidable. Our system fails us over and again. And it falls to each of us, not the system, to find our way to connection and healing relationships.”

I thought our healthcare system was broken a decade ago; and here we are, worse off still in too many ways to count. Now more than ever, it is our relationships that will save us. It’s another paradox, connection: So important and fundamental, such a necessity, and also kind of mundane. It can happen in the smallest of moments–a glance, a fleeting facial expression, a passing vibe, a shared language–which can be lifesaving and also taken for granted. It can also require collossal effort–tremendous self-restraint, courage, and tenacity–to achieve it across deep and complex conflict and separation. I submit that both/all forms of connection are equally valuable and necessary for us humans to thrive. The longer I live, learn, practice, and write, the more I believe this to my bones.

It did not occur to me until today to do something big and special for my 10th blog birthday. Honestly I had thought of sunsetting the whole thing before the renewal date rolled around last month. But since I had not made any plans or decisions, I paid the fee and here we are.

So let’s have some fun this month, eh?

I think I’ll try to post daily. Nothing too labor intensive, no obligations, no rules. It’s my birthday party and I’ll write if I want to. I have 100 drafts waiting to expand and engage, four occurring just in the space of this morning’s commute.

It really is all about Connection: This blog, medicine, health, wellness, relationships, life.

How ironic: The world feels more divided and polarized, separated and divergent now than I can remember in my lifetime. And yet in my life personally, I feel more connected to people everywhere now than ever. What is that about? How fascinating and wonderful! Let me attempt to explore it and share in the next 28 days, yes?

Healing Through Connection. Connecting in all possible ways, for the good of us all. It’s what we live for, I’m convinced. So let’s dive in, celebrate, and see what emerges! Oh, this could be fun. See you tomorrow!

Love,
Cathy

The Flow of Friendship

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30 years this October.

Janet and I met at our white coat ceremony in 1995, sat two seats apart, alpha by last name. Walking home from school days later, I learned her family lived in Denver for a while when we were kids. We exchanged parents’ names and went home to call our respective ones. And get this: Her dad was my grandfather’s student, and stayed at the Cheng family home in Tainan, Taiwan one summer while studying engineering. He was one of Yeh-yeh’s favorites. We went to their house for dinner once (neither Janet nor I remember). When Ba recounted the evening, he got most animated about the concrete foundation that Janet’s dad had laid for the playhouse in the backyard (both dads are civil engineering PhD’s).
Positively. Cosmic. Sisters.

We were joined at the hip in school. We sat at the back of lecture halls, Janet doing crosswords and I writing letters. As anatomy partners we created mnemonics with gestures to remember the cranial nerves and their exit points from the brain. We learned interviewing and physical exam skills together, went to the gym, cooked, and basically grew up together in the final stages of adult brain development. Some of our teachers could not tell us apart. We rotated on pediatrics together when she met her now husband, an intern then, eating French fries and drinking ginger ale on call every fourth night. We attended each other’s weddings (I got to stand up in hers). Our kids are similar ages.

As an executive health internist and academic neonatologist, our professional worlds overlap little, yet we still speak multiple languages in common (including American English-accented Mandarin). As we, our parents, and our children have all aged these three decades, contact has fluctuated and our bond remained intact. This weekend Janet came to Chicago and we spent three days together cooking and yapping, our longest in-person time in fifteen years. We made a menu in advance and headed to the grocery store on her arrival. These three days we cooked Vietnamese spring rolls, green onion pancakes, fried rice, potstickers, and curry beef pastries, all steeped in nostalgia and yumminess. Doctoring, momming, daughtering, wifing, teaching, leading, citizening–we covered it all while mixing, rolling, wrapping, frying, steaming, baking, and of course eating.

Our class stays connected on a What’s App chat and we are impressive, I must say, many of us leaders in our fields, making an impact. And yet when we gather, we still meet as the people we knew then: eager, optimistic, young students. We reach out with news, requests, and just to say hi. That easy connection is just so special. How have 30 years passed already? Will we still be around to celebrate another 30? It’s possible, and I will revel in every year we get with one another in the interim.

Dear readers, I wish for us all to have friendships like this–the ones that persist with easy and steadfast confidence, that we trust implicitly, that validate and support, that endure and mature in mutual respect, admiration, growth, and evolution. It’s these meaningful relationships that will hold us up in life, no matter what happens.

On Self-Love

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Smile from the Ethos jar, 14 February 2025

“How much do you love yourself? I hope it is at least as much as you are loved by the rest of us.”

I have thought to ask this of several people I know, wishing ardently for them to see their own gifts and strengths as we, their ever loyal friends and loved ones, see them. I hope you have people asking and supporting you in this way, dear reader, every day.

Self-love, at its best and strongest, is not boastful, grandiose, or arrogant. Rather, it is quiet, steadfast, resilient, and humble. It doesn’t need to compete in intellect, beauty, or performance. It tolerates being misunderstood or judged as less than by people whose opinions are simply irrelevant. And it knows when, where, and how to make us stand up and be seen, heard, and known. Self-love is how we know what spaces to take up in confidence and self-worth.

What does it mean to love someone, ourselves included? We honor, care for, think of, miss, wish the best for, sacrifice for, tell the truth to, help, hold accountable, look out for, and want to be with our loved ones, yes? How many of us feel this way for ourselves, as much as for others we love?

Adequate self-love provides the foundation, space, and magnanimity for fervent love of others (‘can’t pour from an empty cup’), and is also fed and nourished by love from others. It sets the standard of attitude and conduct for that mutual, wholehearted, loyal love that we all seek so deeply.

Love is the ultimate positive feedback loop, the best snowball effect.

‘A one person lovefest invites others to the party
To celebrate one another in joyous togetherness
Without competition or comparison
Only in mutual affection and validation’

So many professions of love this past weekend, so beautiful and connecting. I hope each of us, at our core, can hold onto a deep sense of self-love, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, relationship status, family dynamic, or political leaning. Love is the foundation of the healthiest, strongest, and most fulfilling relationships, and it’s never too late, never too little to start or start over.