What Does Love Make Us?

https://www.nicolatyche.com/

“Love makes one weak.” –Soren, War Queen, Nicola Tyche

What think you, friends? Do you agree?

I respectfully disagreed as soon as I heard it the first time (I binged the series twice in a row–looking forward to writing more about it here soon) and each time since (I listen to exerpts repeatedly when the mood strikes), the line prompts me to counter more excitedly. So here is my partial list of what love does make us. What would you add?

Vulnerable.
At risk of being hurt or harmed due to exposure or lack of armor. To many, this equates with weakness. But is it really the same? Love can make us feel endangered, undefended, unarmed, and open to risk of disappointment, pain, abandonment, etc. Vulnerability feels soft and susceptible. And yes, it can seem like weakness. But if we get still and feel into our love, is it weakness that we sense? What does vulnerability in love actually feel like in mind, body, and spirit? I submit that it is giddy, tense, anticipatory, and maybe anxious. It’s a high energy state with an outward facing posture, no? What if we reframed ‘weakness’ in this context as ‘hopeful vulnerability, open to the possibility of harm in service of the great potential for connection’? As Brené Brown writes and says often, vulnerability is the foundation of courage.

Courageous.
Just think of all the brave things love makes us do. We stand up for our loved ones against bullies. The most introverted among us profess our love out loud and in public. We advocate for our most meaningful and heartfelt causes with conviction when love drives. This foundation of courage fuels us from a deeper place, and it is self-sustaining. I think of parental love here more than anything–Lorenzo’s Oil and stay-at-the-intensive-care- bedside-holding-your-baby’s-foot-because-it’s-the-only-part-of-his-body-not-covered-with-lines-or-monitors kind of love. Love makes us strong.

Powerful.
The most memorable and important human movements I can think of are all founded in love. Martin Luther King’s civil rights leadership and LGBTQ advocacy come to mind first. Love is love. That anyone has to fight for the right to live in full expression of their love boggles me. Here we are at the end of 2025 and the fight persists, and I am heartened that the pro-love movement in all its forms continues to show up in strength and power. There may always be opposition, and I am confident that love will always raise us to the challenge to overcome it.

Forgive.
I think this is true. Some of us may be more forgiving by nature, or more so in certain situations. But wronged in the same way by different people, I’m much more willing to forgive if I love you. There is something about the loving relationship, something about preserving the connection, that makes me repair ruptures much more willingly.

Willing.
Come to think of it, I’m much more willing to do a lot of things because I love, aren’t you?

Selfless.
Love makes us put others before ourselves. Parental, romantic, fraternal, platonic, Agape alike–think of all your favorite examples of altruism and sacrifice. Do they not all arise from some form of love? Just think if this were not the case–if love didn’t exist or didn’t have this effect on us. We’d all live in a world of utterly selfish competition, default assholery in front. Yuck.

Grow.
Love makes us stick with things and people. We choose perseverance over escape, at least some of the time. So if we pay attention and work to overcome conflict, if we engage and learn our and others’ patterns, then we grow. We change and evolve, even as we settle more and more into our core selves. Root down and branch out. Awesome.

Better.
Is there anything that makes us better more than love? Empathy, compassion, kindness, generosity, curiosity, humaneness; education, achievement, connection, security–all of these are either grounded in love or secondary to love in importance for our betterment as individuals and society alike.

What if we expressed and acknowledged love more explicitly in more domains? It feels natural in families and among friends, of course. I also love my patients and my colleagues. I made a new friend last week, an executive coach, who expresses love for his clients–he serves as kind and loving truth teller for them, and to hear him describe himself this way just made my heart sing. It’s one thing to operate by default from a place of love, something too few of us do. It’s another level up to consciously own it, profess it, to lead and live all the way into it with intention and purpose.

Oh no, love does not make us weak, dear Soren. I love you and you are, arguably, the strongest character in the trilogy. Your love at all levels makes every other character respect, follow, and love you back with the ardent loyalty and conviction that saves you all.

Love makes us everything good that his human. May we embrace and exude it, my friends.

Lever Arms, Body Mass, Power, and Leadership

First seen on a social media post by Simon Sinek; please let me know whom to credit!

What makes you an asset to the team? How do you know? How does your leader know?
Does your leader know?

Friend Mark came with me to Ethos last weekend for the last conditioning workout of the block. We pulled the skiers and rowers side by side for 200-300m or 90 seconds, whichever came first, among other movements. No matter how fast I pulled, he still finished at least twenty to thirty seconds before me. Pushing the 215# sleds down and back on the turf, you’d think his weighed almost nothing the way he zipped along, compared to my Sisyphian effort. But I didn’t feel too bad about myself. I’m 5’2″ and 145#; he’s got at least a foot and 60# on me, I’m sure. I marveled briefly at our juxtaposition and just reveled in the fun of having my friend with me in one of my favorite places.

Today, back on the skier and rower, I thought again about our physical differential while pulling, varying my method between leading with legs, back, and arms. I wondered if I’d be an asset or a liability on a rowing team? Is it generally advantageous for rowers to be tall, so they get more distance per pull from their longer lever arms and leg extensions? Could I ever find a rowing method that could compensate for my much shorter limbs? Does my lower body mass give the team any advantage, and if so would it make up for the limb length deficit? How could I maximize my power to contribute? What are the ideal physics of a heterogeneous crew habitus? How could this team win consistently?

It all got me thinking about leadership, naturally.

How do we all contribute from our strengths? How do our leaders identify our strengths and amplify them, then place us in positions of complement and synergy for the good of all?

This requires more attention, thought, intent, creativity, and work than most leaders consider to be their jobs, no? It requires relationship. I must know you to find your true strengths; I must know the whole team to see how we all fit together, where we grind and where we glide. When I do this, you are much more likely to feel seen and valued. I can enlist each person to identify not just their own strengths but one another’s. Proactively synergizing our respective gifts can bond the team in mutual respect and collaboration. My effort, then, is worth the rewards in loyalty and willingness to sacrifice, because we all feel in it together.

Leaders who are willing to do this cultivate cohesive teams who can withstand adversity with confidence and grit. We can call on one another’s superpowers with humility and collegiality, knowing we shine brightest when we all shine together, rather than always trying to outshine one another.

Honesty and transparency stand out as core values here. If I really wanted to row and understood why that would not serve my team, if I were told kindly how I could contribute meaningfully in other ways that also align with my strengths, I’d be much more willing to pivot and still participate fully. That would require my team leader to take time and energy to communicate clearly and completely. I think this is not too much to ask. We should expect it, train it, and hold leaders accountable for it with specific, relevant, and regular feedback.

If the default assumption is that everyone has a worthwhile contribution to make regardless of limb length, body mass or other attribute, and leaders actively help team members identify and amplify their strengths, then that contribution will manifest from each and all of us fully and for the greatest good.
What a wonderful exercise on possibility, no?

Love Notes for Change for Good

“Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better. But because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” —Wicked: For Good

I have always loved a good play on words.
Daughter and I saw Wicked: For Good in the theater today–highly recommend!
As always, it’s the nature, development, and evolution of relationships that captures me.
Friendship, romantic connection, love of all kinds, as well as fear- and shame-based decisions and actions… It’s all on my mind a lot this weekend.

So here on the second to last day of my 11th thirty day blogging challenge, I will explore relationships that change us for good. I’m excited to see what emerges!

  1. Was it a teacher? A special childhood friend? Whoever has changed you and your life for good–why not let them know today? You may not always have a chance.

2. “Like a handprint on my heart.” May you be acutely aware of the mark you make on those you meet. And may the mark be one of love.

3. Even if our encounter is brief, I believe we can impact one another in significant ways. Human connection is so powerful that way. Wield wisely, please.

4. Please know how much you matter – Your posture, your face, your words, your actions – no matter how small. Decide how you want to impact others – then own it. Do good.

5. OH my goodness our potential to impact one another’s lives for good! It’s almost infinite, I think! 😀 May we all be reverent of this power!

6. Wishing you people in your life whose influence makes you a stronger, more aware, more honest version of yourself. I wish this for all of us!

7. I so admire you – for committing to your heart’s desire and trusting yourself to pursue success with confidence! You inspire me.

8. Worthy rivals. Respectful, energetic, alert, and engaging relationships that challenge us to strive, to reach, to grow. May you have at least one great one.

9. May we hold ourselves open and willing for experiences that will change us – that will teach us lessons we may not seek. Life is about learning. Let us all be students.

10. On the highlight reel of your life, may you see repeated and bright scenes of connection and meaning. And may those people remain in your life, in your heart.

11. You push me. You challenge me. I grow through the struggle of our exchanges. You make me question and solidify my convictions. Thank you.

12. Because I know you, I have been changed for good. You think and feel differently from me and I learn from you. These lessons are important.

Well, not as good as I had hoped, but a good effort.
We’re almost to 360, my friends. That’s cool. 🙂