Category Archives: mindfulness

Celebrate the Return

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NaBloPoMo 2021:  Do Good, Kid

How often do you say to yourself, “I knew better than that”?

I am 48 years old—how many more times will I have to relearn lessons that I thought I had integrated already?  It’s all the things I write about here—for the last six years, and studied since long before that—Give the A; take a deep breath; withhold judgment; embrace polarities and paradox… Often, if I’m paying attention, I observe myself walking these talks.  But maybe just as often, I look back on an interaction and realize I completely forgot to practice one or all of these fundamental skills.

Before I get too down on myself, though, I can usually look a little farther back and see how much I really have progressed over the years. That’s one of the best things about keeping a blog for so long—I can read any of the last 430+ posts and see clearly my mindset then versus now. I have evidence for how I am exactly the same person and also a better version of myself today than in 2015. That is reassuring, and motivates me to stay on the path of inner work.

Mindfulness meditation teachers talk about ‘monkey mind’—the tendency for our thoughts to flit from one tree to another, hard to focus or apprehend, constantly bringing us away from the present moment, often speaking in regret about the past or anxiety about the future, making lists of tasks, grievances, aspirations, barriers, etc.  But in this school of inner work, we don’t judge the mind for its capricious vaulting from one state of disquiet to another, so often in random, exhausting chaos.  We walk the talk by simply noticing the wander, and then practicing the return.  It’s about being with what is, including how we feel about it, without judgment, and learning from what that awareness has to teach us.  We strengthen our internal practice of centering, grounding, focusing, and engaging ourselves and our world with more peace and magnanimity.

If I know where my center resides, then my personal compass is always accurate.  No matter where my experience leads, which core skills I forget, even in the most intense emotional hijack, I can always find my way back.  No matter how far afield I have roamed, for however long, I can learn and return.  I can bring new and relevant awareness from before, to whatever comes ahead, by way of this present moment.  I do this when I return to myself—to my why, that which gives me meaning and purpose—and that roots me.  I can refresh, recharge, reassess, and restart.  And that is definitely something to celebrate.

Be Respectful

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NaBloPoMo 2021:  Do Good, Kid

I can just see every writing teacher cringing to see ‘Be’ as my verb in this action mantra.

I just cannot think of a better way to express this fundamental admonition.  It’s like the cheer we all know from high school—instead of ‘aggressive’, it’s, “R.  E-S.  P-E-C-T-F-U-L.  Be. Respectful.  B-E Respectful!”  Ha, the two words even have the same number of letters so the rhythm transposes perfectly.  Hmmm, maybe we can start a movement from the sidelines here.

In the grocery check-out line.  At the Target returns desk.  On the phone with customer service.  Driving.  With your in-laws, your coworkers, your spouse, your children, your direct reports, the building custodian. With your kids’ teachers.  With elected officials.  With people who disagree with you on issues that matter deeply to you.  With the person aggressively disrespecting you to your face.  With the authoritarian police officer using excessive force, the boss acting out of sheer prejudice, even malice.  With the militant supremacist throwing rocks and spitting at you.

Why be respectful? Because it’s the best way to show that you see the other person as also human, equal in worth to yourself, even if they don’t feel or think the same about you. They may say they do—don’t we all say it? It’s not socially acceptable to say out loud that we think someone is beneath us—at least not in public, or ‘polite society.’ Is there actually even such a thing anymore, polite society? Every year it seems easier for people to demean one another out loud, viciously, violently, in public, with no politeness whatsoever, and no consequences. I think every one of us needs to query ourselves truthfully about how much we really value and believe in equality, and get honest about where we don’t: Own it. Stand up and accountable for it.

But if we are sincerely convinced that we see all humans as equally valuable, that we harbor no occult supremacist ideals, then the least we can do is be respectful toward one another in all of our interactions. It may even serve as a prophylactic, keeping us from speaking or acting on our latent negative biases, if we simply commit to practicing respectfulness.

Disrespect is the first arrogant step down the slippery slope of dehumanization, and that descent leads straight to relationship hell.

Rest

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NaBloPoMo 2021:  Do Good, Kid

Sometimes it’s just too much.

Perhaps you are familiar with the involuntary shut down?  Physical, mental, functional—the body knows what we need, even if the mind flouts it.  The body usually wins—it puts us down despite our resistance, denial, hubris, masochism, or whatever.  If we’re lucky, nothing that bad happens—we crash for a day or so, sleep, lounge, mope, release.  The family, office, social circles get along without us for a little while.  Then, recharged and refreshed (at least partially), we’re back at it, careening on the path toward burnout yet again.  When will we learn to pace ourselves?  To build in rest and recovery to our hamster wheel life?  If we thought of ourselves as elite athletes, whose utmost well-being are valued so highly, how would we treat ourselves differently and better?

The brain, which constitutes 2% of body weight, accounts for 20% of our daily energy expenditure…. So this exhaustion I feel, how much is of body, and how much of mind? Why does it matter, when they are so inextricably interdependent? How fascinating, this sensation of mental exhaustion, which manifests bodily in no uncertain terms, and yet is fully distinguishable from its physical counterpart—or is it? I feel the somatic deceleration first, then look up wearily and sense the mental blackout approaching on the horizon, a fuzzy dark cloud. I invited it by staying up too late and accepting too many invitations; by challenging myself with too many curious, fascinating! amazing! projects. It’s a recurring pattern I have yet to break, or at least balance a lot better–duh-HA! [cue cosmic laughter]

No wonder I seem to write about it repeatedly in November, though this year I’m getting to it earlier in the month than in 2016 and 2019 (see links above), teeheeee… Not sure if that’s a reassuring and/or ominous sign? I keep hearing something telling me right now, get off the computer, OMG get to bed, SLEEP! It’s like an incessant earworm… “If it’s important, it will be repeated,” they told us in medical school. Blahahaaaa (okay now I’m getting slap happy)…

So I will listen, finally, and sign off tonight with a slackish post.  Tomorrow and every day coming is another chance to practice making healthier choices.  I’ got the exercise thing down; my eating is definitely coming around.  Woohoooo, progress!  But sleep, GRRRRR.  …I’ll get there.  Maybe we can only slay one dragon at a time, after all… but not if we’re sleep deprived!