Category Archives: personal growth

Men’s Health and Misogyny

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

“Today is International Men’s Day!  How should we celebrate?”

I saw this posted on a progressive women’s Facebook group today.  In that context, I inferred the question to be sarcastic.  Most comments responded in kind.  My knee jerk reaction aligned—why celebrate the patriarchy?  Burn it down, women say.

Why do some of us feel such instant, visceral disdain at the idea of celebrating men for a day?  Could it be centuries of oppression and institutional misogyny, physically, politically, and otherwise?  Though we may know individual men who are kind, generous, and non-abusive, maybe we still feel the stifling weight of cultural male dominance on our consciousness every. damn. day.

I explored the International Men’s Day (IMD) website.  The group aims to promote men’s health, listing five statistical health challenges for men, including shorter life expectancy and higher suicide rate.  Their objectives include highlighting discrimination against men and improving gender relations/promoting gender equality.  I find multiple articles supporting the former, and none for the latter.  But maybe it doesn’t matter.  I can wholeheartedly endorse evidence-based initiatives that promote cancer screening and mental health support for men.  I also uphold and justify my right to guard against insidious misogyny that promotes men’s health and advancement at the expense of the same for women. 

Men feel discriminated against.  Huh.  Is the argument that women suffer discrimination through financial and status deficit, while men pay with their very lives?  If that’s the premise I’m not sure I buy it, but it’s worth exploring.

So, I have work to do.  What a fantastic opportunity to confront my own assumptions, biases, and narratives.  I can celebrate men and advocate for their equality… As long as they celebrate women and  advocate for ours.

Refining the Personal Vision Statement

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

“I, Cathy Cheng, living and working at my highest and best, am Honest, Curious, Generous, Humble, and Kind, so that I can cultivate the best possible relationships with and between all people.”

How does this statement land?  On me, not on you.  Well, maybe a little on you—is this how you experience me at my highest and best?  The personal vision statement is just that—personal.  It’s my own beacon to navigate life’s storms.  But what good is it if it’s only for me?  Shouldn’t it also be the light I emanate  to make my best contributions in this one brief existence? 

Thanks to Braver Angels pal Sharon Kristjanson and her Engaging With Difference class, I have protected time these two months to spelunk this inner work.  Sweet!  Though I have had a Why statement for a while, it’s high time to test and refine it.  How does it hold up when relationships get really hard?  What does it mean to be honest all the time?  To be generous and humble when I’m tempted not to?  What is the shadow side of curiosity?

It’s deep work, but not necessarily heavy. I’m not drafting a final life mantra for my headstone. I’m noodling with a saying that fits at the same time like my most comfy pajama pants and my most flattering black dress. I am my own best seamstress, taking in and letting out as my relational habitus changes over time and experience. I’m always me, with evolving roles, tasks, and projects. Playing lightly and lovingly with words, purpose, and meaning, in whatever context surrounds me, with a trusty journal and smooth-writing pen…this is an ideal weeknight! Adaptive. Resourceful. Connected. Possibility. Oh yeah, this is gonna be awesome.

Ode to Teachers

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

How is Son?  Who is Son?  What can I tell you about Son?

Zoom parent teacher conferences are the bomb!!  From the comfort of my own office chair, I met with four of Son’s teachers today and had the most efficient yet meaningful conversations in recent memory. No driving around campus looking for parking, forgetting my school ID in the car, and rushing through the maze of hallways trying to find the right classrooms.  And the teachers, OMG, God bless ‘em. 

They moved everything online back in the spring—heroic.   All summer they prepared for at least three separate and equally challenging contingencies for fall, and at least one department completely reinvented the entire year’s curriculum (all hail PE teachers!).  On Back to School Night I could practically palpate the passion and love for their calling, even in two dimensions and from afar.  I jumped at the chance to talk to them again.

German Teacher assigned literature on coping with change, encouraging students to develop a habit of self-reflection and -regulation through adversity—in a second language—a compound life practice in flexibility.  English Teacher cheers thoughtful dissent and cogent argument.  And Physics Professor and I chatted for 30 minutes on everything from Son’s kinetic tendencies to food as medicine, to intrinsic and extrinsic drivers of longevity, to herd immunity manifestos and how to interpret them. 

Teachers yearn to know their students personally.  Their primary objective and source of fulfillment is the growth and development of young minds toward an infinite future of creativity and independence.  Their enthusiasm is infectious, their feedback to parents invaluable.  Gratitude for all teachers, mine included, moved me deeply today.  May we lift this profound appreciation every day, and uphold all educators accordingly.