Friend asked me at the end of lunch, after I had shared some hard things about life at the time. I have rarely felt quite so loved and cared for, so seen and utterly held, just in the asking.
This is my tenth consecutive annual 30 day blogging challenge. By now I have confidence that I can complete the task. The theme emerges easily and intuitively each year, always a pleasant and knowing surprise. The real challenge is to create thirty pieces that I’m proud to save and share, to not overthink, and not sacrifice sleep. Let’s go.
I had initially named this year’s theme “What I Wish for You.” That’s too passive. I do a lot more than wish things, especially the relationally meaningful and important things I intend to write about. I work for these things. So I turned onto “What I Hold for You; What I Do for Us.” But that was a bridge too far, somehow separating (elevating?) myself from people, which is not my MO. I’m about connection in all circumstances.
Thus “What I Hold for Us.” That feels right. Holding is a gentle action, yet powerful and strong; active yet unobtrusive. It attunes and attends; it persists. It has depth and carries intention. Holding, like standing and planting, implies perseverance and resilience. This is what I want for us all, now and for the foreseeable future–we need it.
Doing this challenge in 2024 feels different from and higher stakes than in 2016 and 2020, the last two presidential election Novembers. Anxiety and tension have intensified; even the most equanimatous people I know are agitated. Conflict escalation feels inevitable; desperation and hopelessness lurk everywhere. I have ceased political activities for some years, and consume political news in the smallest possible bites. I have held that we are all humans, here doing our best every day, getting along close up even as we denigrate one another in groups from afar. We are tragically and heroically paradoxical, we humans, and I embrace it, love us for and despite it. Yet now, the week before voting closes, even I cannot escape the dread.
“‘What can I do, I am only one person?’ said seven billion people.” I can write.
This month, this year, in this season of society, we must resist the pull of toxic politics. I intend to hold this line: The line between connection and separation, between shared humanity and dehumanization. My political and policy leanings may show, and I will let them. They will always take a back seat, however, to my commitment to relationship and connection.
Six days now until who knows what. Deep breaths. We are all in this together, folks. Whoever you perceive as your enemy will not be vanquished. And it’s not about that anyway. We suffer from serious and significant differences, yes. It feels life- and liberty-threatening to people on both/all sides–existentially terrifying. Still, if we breathe deeply for a moment and look all around, the unassailable truth of collective human resilience and the potential for cooperation still shines through the cracks of rhetorical rubble. I will write from this emphatic perspective the whole month, rooted here with my entire being.
Ooooooooo [rubbing palms together ambitiously]… HOW to write THIS one? [devious facial expression] I feel lighthearted about it and don’t want to offend anyone by minimizing issues and work that mean so much to them. I write with respect.
Here we go.
How do I do politics well already? –I have stopped watching the news and reading political opinion. I am informed enough and much less agitated and confrontational. This gives me the space to consider current events from the more distant standpoint of my core values and how I wish for our systems to work optimally, rather than getting swept up in the the latest bombastic thing someone said or last atrocity perpetrated by one armed force or another. It is NOT that I feel no empathy or compassion for those affected. When moved, I look for and support agencies that advance causes I care about. –In the workplace, I play no games. Honestly I don’t even know what the games are. I show up all me, all in, straight forward. I am honest, respectful, and diplomatic. I give feedback based on objective facts and how I interpret them, rather than assuming that my perceptions are facts themselves. I ask for feedback often. I hold relationships first and check in regularly for connection and shared goals. –I seek and lead conversations around disagreement. I ask a lot of open ended questions based on curiosity more than judgment (imperfectly, but I try my best), and I usually end up listening more than speaking. I get riled up about some things, but even then I my rants are short and core values based, and I can still engage productively. I always learn something valuable in these conversations.
How could I do better? –I guess I could be more ‘active’? I have written postcards to voters in the past, donated to candidates and officials whom I believe do good. Right now other things take precedence; my attention is fininte. –When I engage in politics again, I plan to improve my local issue and personnel awareness. Because that is where my attention and action is likely to have more impact. –When I start consuming political media again, I will be more discerning and look for long form pieces and sources that are clear and open about their biases, and do my best to read widely and divergently.
How does society do politics well already? Baaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaa Sometimes ya just gotta laugh, if only to keep from crying. Okay, okay, let’s see—
Shit still does get done. We may complain every day and rail at the most visible and anonymous folks who ‘run’ things. But when I look around, roads get repaired. People have healthcare (imperfect and frustrating as it so often is). Decisions get made, rules change, and the changes get executed. Then they change back and that gets executed, too. We are able to move–the world does function.
We haven’t descended into total anarchy yet. For most people I know, daily life is still pretty routine, despite the broad and heavy sense of global doom and gloom. It’s not easy, and there are definitely health consequences for many, but life as we know it is not fundamentally threatened. Huh. The more I think about it the more paradoxical it all feels–the sky is falling and life goes on as usual. So there must still be hope, right?
How can we do better? Holy cow, this may be the most optimistic thing I write all month:
Policy ahead of Power. Here is where the electorate needs to step up and act in a concerted countermovement. We need candidates to nominate and elect who found their campaigns on what they will do for the people, the causes they are for, ahead of those who can only criticize and belittle the ‘other side’ the most derisively, fanning our basest ‘us vs them’ emotional flames. We must understand that in order to get shit done, leaders need excellent interpersonal and communication skills. We need negotiators in office, not mercenaries and tyrants. We need people driven by ideals, not status, greed, or power.
Elevate and reinforce civic participation. In order for the electorate to do this, it needs to practice staying informed. Who has time for that? We need systems that make it easier: —Transparency and ready access to real, relevant information. This is done well by some and not others. Voting records, brief memos on rationale, clear and consistent communication on relevant issues are all fundamental requirements for effective political leadership. Campaign finance needs to live completely in the light, full stop. –Hold the press and media accountable. Easier said than done, and profoundly important. “Fake news” is such an incendiary phrase anymore; then again, if we consume less ‘news’ in general and engage in more thoughtful discussion not around daily events and soundbites but actual political ideals and execution of policy in daily life, maybe we can train ourselves into elevated conversations? So, huh, would that diminish the relevance of the media itself? Or maybe shift its focus from click bait to thoughtful discourse? **shudder** Like I said, I may be high on optimism right this minute… –Make it easier to vote: national holiday, longer voting hours, whatever it takes–lower the threshhold, get more people informed and participating.
STOP engaging in and amplifying ad hominem. Just stop. When Politician X spews inflammatory accusations, personal attacks, and otherwise acts out, ignore it. Give it no platform. Every time an obnoxious behavior garners clicks, clips, broadcasts, and engagement, the behavior is reinforced and will be repeated. When your kid throws a tantrum, what’s the best way to get them to stop? Ignore them. When they display good manners and healthy skills? Praise them. Adults are no different–how many times in the past week have you compared a public figure to a child? Media and citizens reinforce public political behaviors with attention and amplification. If we do this more strictly and only for actions and words that advance ideals and policy, and not those that dehumanize and incite, our politics could shift more toward productivity.
Breathe deep and take the long view. Yes, landmark decisions and legislation change our lives quickly. And yet, human history does not move linearly. There will always be tension and exchange between divergent and opposing ideals and forces. This is not necessarily a bad thing; how we manage the tension matters most. Mutual respect, shared humanity and core values, honesty, civility, effective interpersonal skills–these are key for a peaceful, productive society, from elected leaders to the general public, even when the majority of conflicts will never actually be ‘resolved’–just like marriage! We will all always be in relationship forever, we humans, and no ‘side’ will ever vanquish any ‘other’. We’ll all be better off if we learn now how to interact more effectively, in private and public alike.
Huh. Looks like I still have a lot of thoughts about how things could be much better on a large scale. I need to write this book, darn it.
Speaking of… I write this from the emergency department, where Daughter is now observed for an anphylactic allergic food reaction (she’s okay now). *sigh* We do what we’ gotta do–will be here at least another 4 hours.
How do I already do flexibility well? –I have an agile mind. It freezes occasionally, but most of the time I can assess a fluid situation and work out effective solutions on the fly. Every day in executive health is different and unique, with schedule disruptions from new symptoms, exam findings, test results, and events in other departments. The team, physicians and staff alike, move like gears shifting and sliding amongst one another, keeping the machine running as smoothly as possible. –I have a low threshold to question and challenge ‘how we have always done’ something, especially when it’s no longer relevant or useful. This includes assessing my default assumptions, especially negative ones, about people. I don’t always do this readily, but more often now than before. –I can change personal plans without much distress, as long as circumstances allow. I am seldom married to any given itinerary; my greatest sadness is when long awaited meetings with loved ones fall through.
How could I do better? –I know there are situations where I am rigid, attached to my default assumptions, and not aware. Even when I am aware, I still resist flexing. I’m human. *sigh* So: more mindfulness… Polarity management… Perspective taking… Hmmm… I’m really glad I’ve written these posts this month–they will be a helpful handbook of skills and reminders going forward. –Sometimes I may be too flexible, which can lead to indecisiveness and meandering. Wide collaboration and flat leadership hierarchy style have pitfalls. I think this is a minor weakness, though. I can sense pretty well when I need to decide something; and since most decisions are two-way doors, my openness to flexibility is still rewarded.
How are we already collectively flexible?
Freedom of expression; innovation. Conflicting opinions notwithstanding, American culture is pretty tolerant of widely varying manifestations of individual and group identity. We are relatively open, I think, to new ideas and creativity. We may not be the most flexible or open, but I think the number of innovations in many domains that originate in the US is a testament to our ability to flex…in technical and commercial areas more than social, in my non-evidence-based observation.
How could we do flexibility better together?
Cull bureaucracy. This feels like chasing a better balance between centralized and decentralized government/management, affording better local responses to acutely changing circumstances and needs. How would this work? Off the top of my head: –Crystal clear vision, mission, values, goals common to and bought in by all locales –Concrete, relevant, direct, attributable, and achievable metrics–adjusted to local specifics and still clearly aligned with global mission/goals –Effective accountability and regular assessment, feedback and remediation as needed –Balanced interdependence between nodes of the system; stakes for each unit in each other unit’s success
Promote experimentation, pilots, start ups. We facilitate flexibility when creativity and innovation is low risk and low cost. Manage sunk cost biases, apply iterative learning, practice seeing more doors that swing two ways. Collaborate and integrate between disciplines.
Stop punishing the masses for transgressions of the few. Regulation is complex. At least in medicine, the vast majority of practitioners make an honest living, making occasional accounting mistakes. My impression is that sporadic examples of fraud, admitedly severe, incite layers of global stricture on billing and verification, strangling all of us with at least as much time spent on paperwork as on face to face patient care, fueling burnout and alienating patients from their care providers. David French has written that it is not the severity of punishment that deters crime; it is the assuredness of it. I will park illegally if I think I won’t get caught, even if the ticket is $100. But if I know I’ll be charged $20 every time I do it, I won’t. So, maximize accountability and optimize systems for members to self-regulate effectively.
I hope you all had a Thanksgiving that fulfilled at least some hopes of communion, connection, and joy. Living with high risk medical conditions, when sudden and severe episodes trigger acute, indiscriminate, and impactful changes in plans, makes us even more flexible than we may already be. It’s useful, if painful, training. I am always grateful to walk out intact on the other side.
Healing Through Connection 