Notes from a lunch conversation with dear friends:
Which is the thing and which is the modifier?
If I had to choose, I’d choose confident humility ahead of humble confidence.
But we don’t have to choose; they are both the noun and the modifier. No more false dichotomy thinking!
And yet the distinction can be useful. Depends on context, no? They can switch and be fluid in real time.
Me in the room with a old white guy patients. Power dynamics at play. Relational reciprocity or not, friendly until not, ?undetected landmines.
One goal and its self talk: Inspire confidence with competence. Bring what ya got. Boobs out. I got this. I care about you. You are not allowed to abuse me or my team. Respect is a requirement to be in this practice. We will own our shit and you will own yours.
What a surreal moment of sadness, reflection, slowing, and conviction.
I always knew you as simply Holly, not “Dr. Humphrey.” The latter was a given and absolutely respected; it just felt too distant a title for how you showed up as program director to us residents. Our respect for and deference to you was not commanded, demanded, or condescended by you. It was a natural consequence of your presence: attuned, caring, earnest, authentic, and integrous. Your essence emanated teacher, leader, mentor, steward, and patron.
I never knew you closely, but I felt known by you. And that was enough. Those three years were grueling and also bonding. The culture you set of caring and encouragement, of looking after one another and always being on the same team, filtered through the chief residents, senior residents, and interns, so that we (when we had the bandwidth) could show caring and encouragement to the medical students. Back before work hour restrictions existed, this was significant. The University of Chicago Internal Medicine Residency Program was known as one of the most collegial and compassionate in the country, as well as one of the most rigorous and accomplished. The longer I practice, the more I observe corporate and academic cultures from various perspectives, the more I appreciate and marvel at that incredible integration, at the uniquely holistic community of my training. I knew it at the time; did not take it for granted. And yet even now, more than twenty years out, the lasting impact on my own ethos and those of my classmates continues to move me. I am so proud and grateful to have the privilege of calling myself a UofC IM graduate.
Reading the long list of initiatives, accomplishments, and accolades attributed to you after my time at UChicago ended, my psyche swells with pride for you, vicarious gratitude for all whom your programs touched, and inspiration to make my own contribution in kind. Your mission and impact, as I understand from afar, was always to not only lift others directly, but show us all how to lift one another. You were a leader of leaders—you helped us all identify and call forth that within each of us that would help make one another better.
What an honor and privilege to have shared even such a brief moment of this lifetime with you, Holly. Those three years of residency, though short, were transformative. Looking back, I was definitely not my best self at that time. I cringe, and then I imagine how you might have counseled me, with honesty, compassion, and conviction to be my better self. You empowered us through your confidence in us. You held us accountable to a standard of conduct that made us worthy of our integrity. Your leadership helped shape our character as clinicians and citizens of the profession.
Your life and memory are blessings on all who knew you. May we honor you and the impact you had on us all by carrying on the work you so bravely and generously began in innovative and connecting ways–the work of deepening compassion, inclusion, excellence, and humaneness in medicine.
When you ask someone about something they love, that they’re expert in, and they get all excited to tell you all about it, isn’t this what they often say? Their energy is palpable, their smile wide, and you can tell they just can’t wait to get it out.
I love that feeling, as both the asker and the answerer. And when I come across someone who also appreciates this feeling, it’s another example of that exponential synergistic cosmic rocket fuel of connection that I live for.
In case you’re looking for folks who exude this, might I recommend:
AJ, Andy Wilson-Taylor. He nerds out on some of his Patreon posts, about music, noise cancelling, motorbikes, and so much else!
Keith Roach, MD. My first clinic preceptor, teacher, and mentor, we can all benefit from reading Dr. Roach’s columns answering medical questions. He isn’t effusive about the nerding, but you can tell he knows his stuff and loves to teach it.
Carolyn Mueller. My colleague and fitness professional, follow Carolyn on Instagram for her posts and stories on the science, psychology, and reality of staying fit and healthy.
Kasey McKenney. Director of Treatment at Ethos Training Systems in Chicago, Kasey integrates deep knowledge of the musculoskeletal system with expertise in Traditional Chinese Medicine. More often than not, our conversations circle from relationship to communication, to qi, and I always learn something new and relevant to my life and medical practice.
Who do you know like this? Please make your introductions in the comments!
Healing Through Connection 