Humans

Pietà, Michelangelo, Rome, Italy. Photo by Phara Blair

“Partnership with a good dog has millions of advantages over partnership with even the best human being.”
Bride and Groom, Susan Conant

What would you write, given ten minutes with this prompt?

Below is my take, and then some reflections.
Thanks to friend Joan for choosing the prompt, and for hosting Sara and me for another Mallon Writers session the other evening. We’re coming up on a year as a group, and I am so grateful for these women.


Humans.

We are remarkable–remarkably creative, resourceful, intelligent, and SHITTY.
We are wired to connect; we crave it, require it. And yet we are terrible at it too often.

How can we reconcile this paradox?
Every day we can find myriad examples of both the immense kindness and altruism, and also the most unspeakably heinous violence and destruction–all visited by us on ourselves.

FASCINATING.

What determines our behavior?

Do we each believe ourselves capable of the highest and lowest that humans can do? I do.

I believe that under certain circumstances, any given person has the potential to behave in any given way. To me, this is the most realistic and humble way to approach human nature. We think we know so much; and yet the vast majority of our behaviors and relationships are driven by how we feel. And we are largely, I think willfully, blind to this reality. Most of us live our lives far from the extremes of human altruism and violence, but I think it’s our denial of the potential of both within all/each of us that facilitates the expression of the worst by some of us.

How would the world operate if we were just a lot (or even a little) more honest about our shadows? About our light?

How interesting that the best and worst of both aspects of our nature are so unsafe to share, to remotely acknowledge the possible existence of?

Humans. We are complex, emotional beings who delude ourselves into thinking we are rational, and we oversimplify to avoid discomfort.

Oh well, it is what it is; we are what we are. Amazing–and maybe not?–that we have survived as long as we have.


Altruistic and malevolent.
Collective and individualistic.
Fit in and stand out.
Masculine and feminine.

Readers of this blog know how I embrace and relish a good, integrative paradox. The older I get the more deeply I appreciate complexity, nuance, and the importance of context and circumstance. My mounting enthusiasm for it all seems to fly counter to prevailing cultural winds wherein overgeneralization, oversimplification, and refusal to recognize, let alone tolerate or engage with complexity seem to stymie our leaders and systems with alarmingly powerful force.

Where are the leaders who can not only dance gracefully with complexity, but also lead us by example doing it?

Some days I can’t decide if I’m a cynic or an optimist. I know I’m both, and I lean net optimist. I think we are all both; thankfully we don’t all lean cynic for too long at the same time. We all hold the tension within ourselves, swayed one way or another at any given time by myriad simultaneous variables. It is what it is; we are what we are. We have survived for thousands of years and yet, thousands–even hundreds–more are not guaranteed by any means. It all depends on how we–individually and collectively–decide to treat one another and our planet, both today and forever.

So, we shall see. Anything can happen.

What Counts?

Tainan, Taiwan

On January 15 this year I posted about a new habit I had committed to establishing:

1. Upon waking, get sunlight for at least several minutes before getting on any screen
2. Delay caffeine intake for at least 45 minutes after waking

I also committed to writing Morning Pages (3 pages, long hand, stream of consciousness journaling) in those first 15-30 minutes, which was actually the primary goal. The point of the practice is to unlock clarity and creativity in those first minutes of waking, when the door between conscious and subconscious awareness and insight is more open than at other times of day. Today was Day 310 total (I miss a few days a month, on average). But it was delayed, so did it count?

I do three high intensity workouts at Ethos every week. It gets harder to motivate to do things at home anymore, and yesterday I felt sheepishly happy to Iog 20 minutes of moderate effort on the elliptical. That counts as exercise, in my opinion. But what if I had only walked to the grocery store and back (which I also did)? What intensity and duration justifies that green dot on my habit tracker?

What counts as meditation, prayer, or ‘low carb’?

Why does it matter?

How many times a day do we encounter one recommendation or another for how many steps we should take, how much protein to eat, what school of meditation is best, what sleep routines to adopt, and how many people we need in our inner circle? If we wanted to follow all of the ‘experts” advice for health, just reading the recommendations and attempting to execute would be a full time job.

Of course I get to decide what counts as Morning Pages or exercise or not, because I am only accountable to myself for the habits and behaviors that uphold my own health. In the end it’s about goals, trade-offs, and results. Why do I do these things? What am I trying to accomplish? What am I willing and not willing to do for the desired outcomes?

What works for me, regardless of what ‘experts’ say and ‘studies show’?

Morning pages make my day better whether I have looked out the window or at my phone beforehand, though the insights may come a bit easier with the former, because I always spend more time on the phone than I intend. But it still usually takes at least a page and a half before novel ideas and epiphanies emerge. Regardless, I feel calmer and centered having journaled at all before the day starts in earnest.

Moving in any way for any amount of time benefits both mind and body, and I can both feel and see consequences of variations in frequency, duration, and intensity over days, weeks, and months. If I move above and beyond activities of daily living and work, then I count it, track it, and review over time to correlate with how I feel.

I see people getting fixated on ‘what counts’. Our culture of metrics, trackers, comparison, and competition foster this tendency toward obsessiveness. It’s too easy today to lose the forest for the trees, and much too easy to forget that the complex global ecosystem of a whole person’s health is synergistic in multiple simultaneous dimensions rather than simple or linear in any way. Whenever we hear anyone say, ‘just do (xxx), and it will fix (some global problem that nobody has yet to solve because there is simply no one right solution),’ we should approach with high skepticism and alert critical thinking.

If it aligns with my commitments and gives me a sense of progress toward my goals, then I say it counts. Tracking helps me see patterns, intersections, and correlates. It makes me more self-aware in real time, holds me accountable, and gives me a little dopamine hit with each green dot logged. Counting can be its own reward.

In the end, however, it’s the being and the doing that matter. So count it or not, I get to choose. The rewards of action and results outweigh those of counting. I think it’s good once in a while to consider more deeply the basic questions like, “What counts?” It keeps me honest.

Celebrate the Wins

53# kettle bell, 15 swings, 2 rounds (after one round at 44#), as part of the Ethos HIIT circuit this morning. It’s the heaviest kettle bell swinging I’ve ever done in this setting, woohooooooo!

Got to spend quality time with Son yesterday. Watched two movies together: “My Spy: The Eternal City,” which is the sequel to “My Spy,” which we watched during our 2020 pandemic summer trip, and “Ride On,” a heartwarming father-daughter reunion film starring Jackie Chan and spoken all in Mandarin (highly recommend!).

This post makes 32 in 32 days, my longest blogging streak ever, and #663 total. When I started I thought I’d be happy if I lasted a year. Win.

It occurs to me that four weeks on from the election, political and interpersonal tension may have eased a bit? Possibly the holidays have an abating effect? Another thing to be thankful for, yes? And now I have multiple notes to self, all linked in last night’s post, for when I feel the agitation coming back on–29 anticipatory admonishments to walk my talk.
Once again I’m humbled to realize that I take for granted how easy it is to be open and curious in some contexts. I also too often fail to realize how exponentially harder it is in others–and that is when I fail. But that is why I train–so I may execute more easily and effectively exactly then. This weekend I managed to do better than before–WIN!

Finally finished What Is Health? by Peter Sterling, referenced in Master of Change by Brad Stulberg. What a dense and intense review of basic science and human physiology (basically the first two years of med school), and then the most validating exposition on how it’s our systems that make us sick far more than our individual failings. Listening to the acknowledgements has pointed me to Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond, currently restimulating my non-fiction brain with authority! I wonder if I can muster the attention and focus to finish The Fourth Turning by Strauss & Howe before year’s end? That would be such a win! And I look forward to many more exciting non-fictions in the queue: I Never Thought of It That Way by Monica Guzman, The Amen Effect by Sharon Brous, Possible by William Ury, and Trust by Pete Buttigieg, among others!

Tonight I get to write snail mail, journal, and prepare for a new workweek renewed and refreshed from a lovely long weekend connecting with people who make my life better. So much to look forward to this month, my friends. Now I’m going to light the Christmas tree, make myself a hot beverage, and settle into more words.
It doesn’t get much better than this.