On the Eve of Re-Entry

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-59390446

Does the Great British Baking Show make you cry?

Daughter and I watched most of Season 9 (2021) this weekend and I teared up more times than all of 2025 combined. I sat down to write about it, then realized I did that already, back in 2019. So now what? Blog, Cheng. Write what’s on the mind.

Tomorrow I return to work for the first time since New Year’s Eve. 18 days off. I last took this much time away in 2021, a five month leave of absence for family crisis. Wow. I thank my lucky stars for colleagues who so generously cover, so I may leave in total confidence. Here on the eve of re-entry, I feel strongly ambivalent–eager to resume my professional identity and also reluctant to exit the bliss of vacation.

Son and Daughter were home for five and six weeks, respectively, perhaps the longest we have all been together since Son started college in 2022. We took a family trip to London, then Son and I went to Colorado together. I got quality time with both kids, all together and one-on-one. I shake my head at the gift, heart full to bursting. I also see their sibling relationship evolving, which warms me. My momness heart was made for adult children. The bulk of hands-on parenting is complete and now I get to reap the rewards, hallelujah. I did okay; they’re okay!

Son returned to college yesterday; Daughter goes back in two days. I miss them both now more than ever–what is that about? When they were both home for Thanksgiving, twelve weeks after emptying the nest, I realized afresh how anxious I am about their health and well-being when they are here. Out of sight, out of mind is not necessarily a bad thing in parenting, I thought sheepishly. So I knew to expect it this holiday, and managed it a little better, yay! Son has proven himself independent and capable for years now, and Daughter managed herself remarkably maturely her first semester of college. I can safely and confidently loosen my watchful grip and step more fully into advisor mode. Wow.

Everything changes. I should have known that this new life phase would be a longer transition than just those first few months of lone couplehood again after 22 years of 24/7 parenting. It was positively blissful, and these past weeks of whole family togetherness required more psychological adjustment than I had anticipated. I make no assumptions now–how will I feel come Wednesday, when it will be another seven weeks before Kids return? I hold my psyche open to any response. Son will live at home this summer for the first time in four years–three whole months! I cannot wait. If Daughter comes home too, holy cow. We will all re-negotiate new family dynamics–bring it! My conversations and observations with both of them this break make me so proud and grateful–they are my people–curious, creative, sensitive, and mature. I relish the chance to witness their further growth and development.

Bake Off, with its loving and creative connections forged among contestants while they rise to repeated challenges together, this amazing expression of all that is good about people and bringing out our potential for one another, stirs all that I hold dear for myself, my children, my patients, friends, colleagues and the world. Take the risk. Do your best. Support others in doing the same. No wonder it makes me cry.

2026 feels portentious, more so than recent new years. I feel a strong desire to be even more mindful, intentional, alert, and aware of my attention and expenditures. The Opal app continues to mitigate my social media use. I feel less driven now to post and share, and it’s a very good thing. I intend to write a lot more this year. I will do some deeper inner work with Grant Gosch. I will complete at least one, good, unassisted pull up! I will continue to nurture and cultivate the relationships that matter most, and also open myself to any new connections that emerge with that cosmic twinkle I recognize so well. I will trust myself to know when I know, to hold on or let go according to my now well-trained, middle aged intuition.

It’s all good. Maybe I should take a few weeks off at the beginning of every year?

Flow Onward, My Friends.

Miffy, London, January 2026

2026, Day 4.

Howzit so far, friends? What do you see, hear, feel, think? Any anticipations and/or dreads?

It’s all a big jumble for me at the moment. Ambivalence, paradox, transition, uncertainty, determination, commitment, divergence, deep gratitude, high potential, and so much connection I can barely comprehend. A bit mindbending.

So I practice being with it. It just is, and I get to make my own meaning from it. Daughter and I agreed today, walking around Mayfair, that grounding in gratitude makes life better. I think I improve each year in this practice. I feel anger less often and less intensely now than ever despite the state of the world, remarkably–that’s a win. It’s not because I care less; rather I’m learning to spend my time, energy, and resources more mindfully and intentionally. Anxiety, frustration, and profanity still overtake my consciousness sometimes–how can they not? I still have much work to accept it all for myself and others–to witness and hold space for us all in our undulating distress.

Looking back at the 2025 book list, I wonder how I can structure my consumption to better balance the unfinished titles with new ones? I’m what they call a mood reader(listener), I think… Maybe in 2026 I’ll include start and finish dates and see what patterns emerge; that could be a fun and enlightening experiment!

What could I consider a resolution this year? Book work wobbled in 2025; 2026 could see a transition to solid output in that and other writing, while I maintain this blog well into year eleven. I have a plan for Lunar New Year greetings that makes me smile–yet another project that could distract from Book, uh-oh. Maybe the Opal app will help? Son recommended it; I have successfully mitigated social media on my phone for 8 hours per work day and a few hours on the weekend. Here’s hoping I can rewire my reward centers a bit in 2026! Meanwhile, the need to further moderate calories continues to persist and progress–menopause allostasis, friends, I’ got this–I can adapt ad hoc, ad infinitum. Because that is the way of nature, and I am part of nature.

Wrote some jar smiles for a friend last night that felt good:

2026: Hope. Love. Peace. Connection. Meaning. Wisdom. Empathy. Forebearance. Perseverance. Just as always! Because we are us. We. Are. Love.

How have you grown and changed this past year? How might we become even better versions of ourselves in the year to come? Onward in openness, love!

OH the things we thought so innocently in youth! May our wisdom not kill our innocence, though–rather just make it smarter–more effective!

We must accept things as they are before we can effectively change them. Seems paradoxical and counter-intuitive, no? Takes me a bit to wrap my brain around, still, and when I do, my world opens!

Every day is just another day and also a brand new amazing gift of a day! We can be in it fully at peace and also attack it with force–both and all aspects of our nature, of nature itself. I wrote recently to a friend: “One more thing about change: It’s nature, and I love that.  It teaches me to be humble about what I think I know, to always expect that there is both more simplicity and more complexity than I currently understand.  Nature is the quintessentially elegant and efficient system of systems—no wasted energy or resources.  We humans are part of nature, and when we deny or defy it, we get positively smote!  *laugh-sigh* So awesome.”

Maybe in 2026 I can flow. Flow more–more smoothly, more easily, more widely, openly, lovingly, and authentically. Shall I create a playlist, incidental and intentional, to uphold and reinforce such an ethos for this, the Year of the Fire Horse? What posture and movement corresponds to this mindset? What does health in the five domains (Sleep, Exercise, Nutrition, Stress management, Relationships) look, sound, and feel like in Flow? Ooo, let’s try it and see!

How does 2026 feel for you? What will you lean into?
My best wishes for all of it and all of you, my friends.