November 4:  Setting Limits Makes Me Better


NaBloPoMo 2019

How many of you are the chubby one of the family?  That’s me.  My two sisters have been positively svelte their whole lives, with apparently very little effort, as far as I can tell.  Yes, I envy them.  But whatever, ya work with what ya got, right?

I have never been a dieter, as I hate feeling restricted.  But I have had some success with setting limits sometimes.  The best experience was after I stopped nursing my daughter.  I was finished having children, no more human to hippopotamus transformations, hallelujah!  I thought, I can get my body back, woohoooo!  But how?  I had two little kids.  I worked.  I had neither time nor motivation to exercise, and even less energy to police my own food choices.  I’ll just eat half, I thought one day.  It was so simple and easy.  So for the next year I simply ate half of what I would normally eat.  This was not too difficult, as my portions were clearly just too big.  But for some reason it was the perfect method for me in that moment.  I don’t remember feeling hungry, and more importantly, I did not fear the hunger.  It was almost unbelievable, even as I lived it, how easily I could adhere to this plan.  I lost 25 pounds in nine months, and I felt well.  I managed to keep most of the weight off for several years.

bunny bao

Now, in my mid-forties, the story has evolved.  Kids are older, work has advanced, and I’ve acquired a boatload of fun and interesting extracurricular activities.  I achieved the sisterly figure ever so briefly, and now, tee-hee, not so much.  Eating half definitely does not work today!  Fascinating.  So I have to find new, more effective limits to set.  I have to say, I’ve managed to blow through most of my recent attempts: sweets only on weekends, no eating after 7pm, lights out at 11:00pm, and screen time?  What?…  I did manage to get all social media off of my phone a year ago, though.  That was a big deal, and I’m much better for it.  When I remember to bring my own takeout container to restaurants, and move half of my entrée into it at the beginning of the meal, I don’t overeat.  And if I agree with my friends at the outset to forgo dessert, voila, calories averted.  So I’ll keep working on the health habit limits… Maybe take my own advice…

The best thing about setting limits and then violating them is learning.  It makes me pay attention, ask more questions.  I am forced to practice curiosity and non-judgment, lest I wallow in that deep hole of failure and self-flagellation.

This month I commit again to daily blogging.  My family still needs me, I still need to work out, and I want to read real books more than I did this time last year.  I also need to just get more efficient with writing in general.  So I set myself a limit of 60 minutes, start to publish, for each post—perhaps it shows in the quality of writing?  Well, that will be a learning, too!  My first attempt lasted about 70 minutes, but I can’t say I kept good track.  Last night I actually set my timer, and it was a total disaster, I think 2+ hours beginning to end.  It was so enlightening, though, watching my distracted self throughout the process.  The TV was on (my desk is in the family room—the double edged sword of being near the family but not totally with them), our shows playing from the DVR. It’s a wonder I don’t get whiplash, turning to crane my neck toward the TV from my non-swiveling chair.  People were talking to me, even though I had my earbuds in.  I kept opening my email, Facebook, text, email again.  OH my gosh it was a total circus, and I felt the chaos in my whole being.


Tonight, however, is a different story. I’m alone here at the desk, Shawn Mendes and Dierks Bentley playing softly while I type.  No TV, no earbuds.  I feel calmer; the house and I are both much quieter.  The ideas and words flow forth with ease and joy.  Fascinating!  You might say, Um, Cathy, DUH.  Of course you’ll write better when your environment is more conducive, everybody knows that!  Yes, of course, we know it.  But to experience the glaring contrast here on two consecutive nights really brings it home—the doing makes it real.

So maybe I’ll make a deal with the family the next 26 days.  I get 60 minutes of peace and quiet each day; time of day/night negotiable.  They are banished or gagged in that time, no audible devices allowed, and it’s my job to make the most of it.  Write, edit, select photos, categorize, tag, and publish.

I have 12:25 left.



So You Want to Lose Weight: The Four A’s of Goal Setting

“I need to lose 20 pounds,” says Peter. “All of my doctors have told me this.”  His blood sugar, blood pressure, and cholesterol are all elevated again, this time while still on medication for the latter two.  Diabetes, hypertension, and stroke all run in Peter’s family, and at age 57, he wonders which will get him first.  He knows he’s overweight.  He feels fat, stiff, sluggish, and old—as if someone wound his body clock ahead twenty years without asking.  He really doesn’t want to add any more medication.  I know exactly what his doctors think:  ‘Then you have a lot of work to do!’  We know he did not get here overnight.  His weight is the cumulative result of years of dysfunctional patterns:  Indiscriminate eating, sleep deprivation, and disproportionately high work stress, among others.  Aberrations in glucose, blood pressure, and cholesterol all increased with weight, parallel outcomes of longstanding habits.  We doctors all know this, but it takes too long to talk to patients in detail about nutrition, sleep, stress, and physical activity (or so we think).  We assume they know what to do when we say, “Lose 20 pounds.”  But is this really helpful?  How else can we help our patients move toward their healthier selves?

We set weight loss goals all the time, all of us—physicians included. We choose a number on the scale—an outcome—that represents our better selves, however we see it.  I suggest today that behavior-oriented goals, rather than outcomes-oriented ones, lead to far greater and more meaningful success.  How much are we really in control of what we weigh, day to day?  Sleep deprivation and dehydration disrupt regulatory mechanisms of hunger and satiety. Stress alters metabolism in myriad ways, not to mention often causing more sleep deprivation—a dangerous downward spiral. Knowing this, and recognizing the pressures and stressors we all face every day, how could we physicians make our advice a little more relevant?  I present to you my Four A’s of Goal Setting:


1. Assess-ability

“I want to lose 20 pounds by April 15.”

A weight loss goal cannot be fully assessed until the designated endpoint—it is a lagging indicator.  I get no feedback on my progress until I arrive, and then it’s too late to do anything about the result.  Even if I weigh myself in the interim, how do I interpret the information?  A couple days of constipation and a few salty meals can spike my heft in alarming ways on any given morning.  I feel bad about myself when my weight goes up; I’m happy if it’s coming down.  But I’m not exactly sure what’s happening—I cannot accurately assess the situation.

Alternatively:  “I need to exercise 3 times a week, starting on Sundays.” And, I get to define what “exercise” means:  Walk an extra 1000 steps, do two circuits of the 7 Minute Workout, spend 20 minutes on the elliptical, or whatever!  This goal can be easily assessed instantly, anywhere, anytime.  It’s Thursday morning.  Have I worked out three times this week?  How many days of the week are left to achieve this goal?  Which days will I most likely be able to do this?  Now I can make a clear and concrete plan.

Mark, like Peter, is overweight, sedentary, and motivated to make some changes. He has recently started walking one mile, 3 days per week.  He also wants to change his eating, but doesn’t know where to start.  I suggest logging his food with an app such as My Fitness Pal (I have no financial or other interests in their business or in 7 Minute Workout).  He inputs his weight, height, and overall activity level, newly elevated to “lightly active.” He also enters his weight goal: lose 0.5 pound per week.  The program calculates his daily calorie goal, and each time he logs a meal, he can see exactly where he stands.  The app helps him keep track of progress, objectively, in both the short and long term.  Science tells us that feedback—the more frequent and specific, the better—boosts and maintains motivation.  The more easily Mark can assess his status toward achieving his goal (staying within his daily calorie limit), the more likely he will stay the course.


2. Actionability

Outcome goals do not elicit action.  “Lose weight.”  This statement is too vague—it cannot be acted upon. It doesn’t tell me what I need to do.  Furthermore, once I have ‘lost weight,’ what do I do then?  How did I get here, and how do I continue?  “Maintain the weight loss.”  How?  Focusing our gaze on the distant endpoint often leads to meandering, or worse, standing still.  I do not suggest ignoring the outcome or invalidating it, but rather paying attention to the practices that will get us there, rather than just talking about being there already.  Setting goals as actions or behaviors—doing specific things—lays out the steps to take toward a desire outcome.  Action leads to self-efficacy and empowerment.

Peter asks himself, ‘What needs to happen in order for me to lose 20 pounds?’ He makes this list:

  • Limit fast food to once a week. Assess-ability check: It’s Friday morning. Have I already had McDonald’s this week? Yes? Salad bar it is. No? Ooo, opportunity: Maybe I can resist today and tomorrow and exceed my goal! Empowerment city, here I come!
  • Move more. Assess-ability check: Have I moved more this week? Ummmm…How do I know? Revision: Get on the treadmill for 45 minutes, four times a week. Check.
  • Get to bed by 10pm every night. Assess-ability checks out here, too.


3. Attainability

Are Peter’s goals realistic? How likely is he to accomplish these three behaviors?  He and his doctors all feel a sense of urgency to get control of his situation.  Society also has a way of pressuring us to go ‘all in.’  Like if we’re not all in the gym 5 times a week for an hour of intense cardio and free weights, we’re just not doing enough, so why bother?  All of these factors can push us to set lofty, unattainable goals, thereby setting ourselves up to fail.

Peter, an older single dad, works 12 hour days. He prioritizes his three daughters, who often need help with homework and want to talk at night.  Looking over his action-oriented goals list again, a few adjustments become necessary:  Change treadmill to twice a week, for 20 minutes.  When it comes to exercise, anything is better than nothing!  He had not noticed the anxiety lurking in his chest as soon as he had said “45 minutes, four times a week.”  Now he feels relief and enthusiasm, rather than dread.  He also realizes that as busy season at work approaches, late nights will be inevitable. Getting to bed by 11:00pm at least on weekends, and maybe one more night a week, is more realistic.

These revised targets are what Daniel Pink might call “Goldilocks” goals.  Not too easy, not too hard.  Peter will have to stretch some weeks to achieve them.  But they lie within reach, if just barely.  Regular successes will strengthen the new routines and keep him motivated.  Over time, as he feels more effective, he may set progressively demanding behaviors to aim for.  Iterative victories will move him ever closer to his desired outcome.


4. Accountability

This one makes sense, right? What good is having an assess-able goal if you don’t bother to assess it?  I think this has to do with maintaining our intrinsic motivation.  If I have successfully set up my goal with the three characteristics above—if it’s specific, within reach, and easily appraised —then of course I want to know how I’m doing!  This can be done as simply as marking an X on a calendar, as Jerry Seinfeld suggests.  In the photo on this post, you can see my officemates and me doing the same thing.  We can choose accountability only to self, such as on My Fitness Pal, and also to others.  This is why Weight Watchers helps a lot of people—knowing we have to show up and weigh in keeps us honest and on track.  I feel obligated here to point out that accountability does not include shame in any form. defines accountable as “subject to the obligation to report, explain, or justify something; responsible; answerable.” Whatever method we choose to report, if it undermines self-esteem or motivation, we need to replace it.

What’s it all for?

Finally, let me address the foundation of the Four A’s: Meaning.  Despite repeated messaging from his doctors, Peter still found it hard to make lasting changes in his habits.  Even the specter of impending disease and disability could not move him to act, despite the rationale that he fully understood in his mind.  But going through the 4 A’s exercise, he realizes that 20 pounds—weight itself—is not the goal.  It’s merely the most tangible representation of his healthier self.  The true “Why” for the weight loss lies far deeper:  To model healthy habits for his girls; to stay active and travel after retirement; to finally take better control of his life.  The closer we can link behavior change to something meaningful and intrinsically motivating, the higher our chances of persistence and success.  For much more riveting descriptions of this concept, I refer you to Start with Why Simon Sinek and Drive by Daniel Pink.

Physicians face multiple demands on our attention. In a fifteen minute clinic visit, how can we more effectively help patients achieve meaningful behavior change?  I am a huge fan of motivational interviewing, and I think the 4 A’s align with this method.  Once a patient reaches the goal-setting stage of change, we can ask the following questions to hone the process and hopefully increase their chances for success:

  1. Can I easily and accurately assess my status in achieving this goal?
  2. Is the goal stated as an action that will move me toward my desired outcome?
  3. How likely will I actually attain the action goal—is it really within reach?
  4. What is the most effective way to keep me accountable for my progress (or lack thereof)?

Thank you for reading to the end, friends, I know this was long. I’ve been thinking through and talking to patients about these ideas for a while now, and applying them to my own health behaviors.  We all struggle with the same challenges.  Our increasingly hectic lifestyles make self-care harder.  As a physician, I will take any opportunity to help refine my patients’ goals and smooth the way to healthier habits.  The ultimate goal is to help them live their best lives, on their own terms.