Monthly Archives: November 2020

Refining the Personal Vision Statement

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

“I, Cathy Cheng, living and working at my highest and best, am Honest, Curious, Generous, Humble, and Kind, so that I can cultivate the best possible relationships with and between all people.”

How does this statement land?  On me, not on you.  Well, maybe a little on you—is this how you experience me at my highest and best?  The personal vision statement is just that—personal.  It’s my own beacon to navigate life’s storms.  But what good is it if it’s only for me?  Shouldn’t it also be the light I emanate  to make my best contributions in this one brief existence? 

Thanks to Braver Angels pal Sharon Kristjanson and her Engaging With Difference class, I have protected time these two months to spelunk this inner work.  Sweet!  Though I have had a Why statement for a while, it’s high time to test and refine it.  How does it hold up when relationships get really hard?  What does it mean to be honest all the time?  To be generous and humble when I’m tempted not to?  What is the shadow side of curiosity?

It’s deep work, but not necessarily heavy. I’m not drafting a final life mantra for my headstone. I’m noodling with a saying that fits at the same time like my most comfy pajama pants and my most flattering black dress. I am my own best seamstress, taking in and letting out as my relational habitus changes over time and experience. I’m always me, with evolving roles, tasks, and projects. Playing lightly and lovingly with words, purpose, and meaning, in whatever context surrounds me, with a trusty journal and smooth-writing pen…this is an ideal weeknight! Adaptive. Resourceful. Connected. Possibility. Oh yeah, this is gonna be awesome.

Ode to Teachers

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

How is Son?  Who is Son?  What can I tell you about Son?

Zoom parent teacher conferences are the bomb!!  From the comfort of my own office chair, I met with four of Son’s teachers today and had the most efficient yet meaningful conversations in recent memory. No driving around campus looking for parking, forgetting my school ID in the car, and rushing through the maze of hallways trying to find the right classrooms.  And the teachers, OMG, God bless ‘em. 

They moved everything online back in the spring—heroic.   All summer they prepared for at least three separate and equally challenging contingencies for fall, and at least one department completely reinvented the entire year’s curriculum (all hail PE teachers!).  On Back to School Night I could practically palpate the passion and love for their calling, even in two dimensions and from afar.  I jumped at the chance to talk to them again.

German Teacher assigned literature on coping with change, encouraging students to develop a habit of self-reflection and -regulation through adversity—in a second language—a compound life practice in flexibility.  English Teacher cheers thoughtful dissent and cogent argument.  And Physics Professor and I chatted for 30 minutes on everything from Son’s kinetic tendencies to food as medicine, to intrinsic and extrinsic drivers of longevity, to herd immunity manifestos and how to interpret them. 

Teachers yearn to know their students personally.  Their primary objective and source of fulfillment is the growth and development of young minds toward an infinite future of creativity and independence.  Their enthusiasm is infectious, their feedback to parents invaluable.  Gratitude for all teachers, mine included, moved me deeply today.  May we lift this profound appreciation every day, and uphold all educators accordingly.

My Best Friends

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

What draws you to your favorite people? 

For me it’s presence, openness, conviction, kindness, honesty, constancy, and most importantly, curiosity.  My best friends hold me up and hold me accountable.  They ask open, honest questions, and they really listen.  They see, hear, understand, accept, and love me.  They make joyful effort to meet me in my struggles to observe, understand, and integrate my experiences—to learn.  They keep me honest, never letting me get away with small-minded BS.  And they are all master learners themselves.

Lately I notice people, mostly men, who speak in declaration, refutation, and rhetoric.  They rarely ask questions that aren’t leading, dismissing, or prelude to soliloquy.  They interrupt incessantly.  I used to suffer greatly from encounters with such haute-pedants, from the utter unilaterality of conversation.   If they listened at all, it was to argue rather than to understand or broaden perspective.  Exhausting.  Today I moderate my expectations in such exchanges.  I accept what is, let go my wishes to be understood.  I focus instead on understanding, and my learning burgeons—often as much about myself as anything or anyone else.  My best friends point me to this higher plain of attention.

Tonight I see my tribe as a small, über-productive beehive.  Every day we sisters (and some brothers) survey our vast and diverse environment for new nectar.  It can be dangerous out there, but we’re tough and make it home.  As one dances out the journey, others attend and minister with love.  Together, we take everybody’s learning and make the sweetest honey, the insights and wisdom that nourish and sustain us—that drive us onward, seeking ever farther, wider, and higher meaning and purpose. 

How does your hive make you better?