Silly Dopey Giddy Mountain Driving

Posted on August 24, 2023 by Catherine Cheng, MD

I’m not drunk, I promise–not on alcohol, anyway–just sheer joy.

“Accelerate through the turn.”

Hugh the genius British boy and I stood chatting in the Brain Bowl teacher’s little office just off the high school library. Looking back, Hugh knew more about physics then, as a 15 year-old, than most of us will know in our lifetimes. But he did not yet know how to drive. He asserted that while driving, one should be able to accelerate through a turn and not have to slow down. I remember this conversation so clearly because it demonstrated to me how for some things (so many, I know now), we just cannot truly know until we do.

Fast forward to my college years. One spring weekend my friends and I had nothing better to do, so we stood in line outside the parking lot at Dyche Stadium, where Ford Motor Company had set up a driving course. We three piled into a bronze sedan with helmets and an instructor, and took turns maneuvering the car through various straights and curves marked with orange cones (think Mythbusters, but without the explosions). My trial was significantly slower, ‘conservative,’ according to the instuctor (stated with a hint of disappointment?), compared to my friends’. I wished for a second chance, for no other reason than to practice again ‘accelerating through the turn.’ Before we started, the one thing I remember hearing was that you can press the gas after you feel the weight transfer. EUREKA! Decelerate on the approach, and when you feel pressure shift to the outside butt cheek, you can gun it! Hugh was right. Centrifugal force and body awareness at work!

Ever since then I have loved driving winding, curvy, hairpin turns. I’m convinced that I’m also a more fuel efficient driver, because I only brake as much as I need to not skid, then speed up more easily from a higher RPM, minimizing momentum loss. I had figured out on my own how to hug the tangent of the inside curve, which allows me to hold the steering wheel smooth and steady throughout a turn, rather than overturning and having to correct over and over. On every bend, I blissfully chase that perfect energy and arc conservation!

Up here in the Rocky Mountains, it’s Hairpin Heaven. And there are bonuses, too: sparse traffic, and friendly drivers who wave! Motoring all through Summit County today, listening to my favorite music, I wore the silliest, dopeyest, most giddy smile–my facial muscles almost cramped, it was so constant–I just could not help myself. I waved at construction workers, pedestrians, other drivers, and they all waved back (except for the young man who did not let me merge–he avoided eye contact–must not be from around here).

It’s my happiest place on earth. I relish every moment–it’s the only place where I’m excited to get up early in the morning, just to spend more waking hours here! So I just had to write about it, document the joy. I sincerely hope you all may enjoy this kind of deep delight wherever you are today!

Dillon Reservoir, from Old Dillon Reservoir Trail

Dillon Reservoir, from Meadow Loop and Ridge Trail

Revel Now to Fuel Your Future

Posted on August 22, 2023 by Catherine Cheng, MD

Photo by Brian Gelbach, Minnesota, August 2023

When you get a head cold, do you ever wish you had appreciated better when you could breathe through your nose?

What do you take for granted, that you’d miss and regret if it disappeared?

Our family had quite a rough patch from about 2018-2022, and this past year things really turned around. I still have a little post-stress reactivity (a second of dread whenever I get a text or call from the kids), but it’s much better.

Then last week I had another scare, an x-ray showing what looked like a hole in bone—a lucency, as it’s called. Despite opposite effort, I allowed myself to catastrophize. Osteosarcoma, I thought—an uncommon and aggressive bone cancer (it would not actually present this way, I realize now, but hey, I was hijacked). The thought cascade unfolded rapidly: urgent specialist referral and imaging, surgical biopsy, treatment—surgery, radiation, chemotherapy. Recurring appointments, treatment side effects, and physical, psychological, and relational pain. I’d have to cancel my vacation this week, find coverage at work (or take a leave again), maybe stop working on the book, and, gasp, stop going to the gym. Kids’ activities and future would be affected—would they have to move/stay close to home for college? And the absolute worst-case scenario—death—what would that be like? Interestingly, this semi-unintentional exercise actually helped me calm down. It reminded me of when Daughter had an anaphylactic food reaction with the babysitter. I had to meet them at the Emergency Department without killing myself in a car accident on the way, so to center myself I imagined the worst—her death. In a moment I realized that though it would be horrible, I would be okay—because I had to, for Son. I breathed deeply, drove mindfully, and arrived physically and psychologically intact. We simply do what we must do.

I have faced multiple life-threatening situations at home, in addition to witnessing all manner of death in my work. Maybe that’s how I can balance my emotional reactions with a more rational response? I have seen enough times how good can turn to bad on a dime, and it makes me cherish the good while it lasts—really revel in it.

Before I got confirmation that the x-ray last week was, in fact, normal, I had already come to a sense of peace about whatever may come. I thought to myself, ‘Well, good thing I really soaked up everything awesome about life until now, saturated myself with it and shared the joy as much as I could.’ I found myself with very few regrets, which empowered me to meet uncertainty with calm, confidence, and strength, and not denial or false optimism.

It’s not that I dread the future, expect serial crises, or harbor some kind of victim mentality. I just understand the unpredictable randomness of life and accept my total lack of control in most situations. Reveling in the good now protects me when any hard times do come later. I feel deep satisfaction and contentment to remember all that was good before, and that I knew it at the time, truly appreciated it. That warm, radiant energy feels stored like solid rocket fuel, stable and dense, ready to call forth for emotional and relational thrust when I need it.

What can you revel in now, that will replenish your existential fuel for the unknown future?

Below are some of my current revels. May you, readers and friends, feel your own daily delights emerge with light and coherence in these waning days of summer. May you immerse in the awesomeness and feel it buoy you through whatever life brings.

Shaneiaks meet in person!

Happily hydrated at 9000 feet, 25% humidity

Alone time in the mountains

Washi tape card making–first time in many months

The Transformative Power of Community

Posted on August 13, 2023 by Catherine Cheng, MD

AIYAAAAAH IT’S JUST TOOOOO GOOOOOOD!!!

Friends, please meet my new beach volleyball teammates! We are the Ethos team at North Avenue Beach on Wednesday evenings, woohooooooo!! I have played since 7th grade, and never on sand until this summer. And I can’t think of another group I would feel safer and have more fun doing it with. How many times have I mentioned Ethos and how I love the team there? Well it keeps getting better, I just cannot say (or write) enough!

In the last four months I have increased weight from 50# to 105# on barbell back squats, 12.5# to 20# on dumbbell bench press at any angle, 35# to 70# on landmine squats, and all kinds of other personal strength and endurance records. In that time I also hit some speed bumps and potholes: left sciatic impingement (April-May), left medial meniscus aggravation (May to last week), left shoulder instability (ongoing and improving), and right brachioradialis spasm (July to present, also improving). Bottom lines: 1) I never would have tried loading weight like this on my own at home, thus my strength and form stagnated. 2) Had I injured myself working out at home, I would not have known how to modify anything to continue moving and progressing safely. But with the support and encouragement of the coaches and community at Ethos, strength, form, confidence, motivation, and joy and connection have all improved exponentially.

“There can be a fine line between rehab and performance,” Jacob told me. EUREKA! Lighten up on weight this week, focus on range of motion, Ryan advised. They taught me hip, knee, neck, and wrist CARs. Listen to my body. Take care of it with good sleep and nutrition. Be patient. No judgment. Keep coming to class, spirit buoyed by friends. Coaches continue to monitor and correct. And voila: healing and progress, competence and confidence, HALLELUJAH!

I have never, in my entire life, loved going to the gym like I do now, and it’s all because of the people. So when I heard about the beach volleyball group, it was a no brainer to join. My world expands newly after 38 years of indoor play, adjusting to various outdoor conditions (twilight/night, wet/dry and deep/shallow sand, and wind, OMG!). Lessons in team communication emerge in yet another domain. And between gym and beach, uplifting new friendships bloom. I mean does it get any better than this?? I feel positively giddy from it all!

How do your communites support, even carry you? As I thought more this weekend about belonging, connection, and mutual, synergistic uplift, meaningful examples appeared everywhere.

New Friend described his spiritual community to me and I could feel, from his facial expressions, voice, and posture, the deep stability and peace he gets from that connection. The Sheil Catholic Center has been that for me since college, not because of religion per se, but again because of the people. Shared spiritual belief and core values play a primary role in Friend’s and my belonging in these groups, and deep connection can occur around anything: Meditation, yoga, sports, volunteering, book club, work…

How many different communities include you, make you better, and benefit reciprocally from your unique presence and participation?

OMG Romance! WHODATHUNK? 11 months in and still binging strong, my friends. Since I posted initially last November, my consumption has expanded from steamy cis-het-binary-monogamous rom-coms to novels that include male-male, dark, fantasy, paranormal, mafia, dominant-submissive, and polyamorous themes! My vicarious sex and relationship education continues with momentum and ardent support–you guessed it–from the romance community! I would never have found any of these stories and experiences if not for the Shaneiaks Facebook group and guidance from the indefatiguable Suzi over at Royal Reads Services, group admin and expert in all things romance publishing. I have always been open and comfortable talking to my patients and kids about sex, and today I’m even more confident and bold. Ask me anything, tell me anything, and I will engage with a whole new level of openness now. By the way, if you also seek to broaden your horizons in this domain, I highly recommend Boyslut by Zachary Zane.

How do your communities support others?

Once again, the romance community inspires me. When author Lili Valente‘s house was destroyed by recent floods in the Northeast, her fans came together to support her through direct book purchases on her website. This week author Lucy Eden has organized RomanceforMaui, an upcoming auction to raise money for those affected by the most devastating wildfires in the United States in 100 years. Check out the auction items–consider bidding for yourself, your romance fan friends, and for the people on Maui. Finally, see how romance narrators, authors, and audiobook producers come together to support their BIPOC colleagues by providing grants and services to bring their work forth through Audio in Color. Simply amazing.

I am such a better version of myself because I belong to these tribes, wow, how humbling and exciting.

It occurs to me that membership in some communities can actually transform us into worse versions of ourselves… *sigh*… More on that in later post, perhaps…

Relationships. They can kill us or save us, and so much more. Our communities of deep and meaningful belonging can enrich, expand, educate, and empower us, often to heights we could never have imagined. How can we build and grow more of these connections, strengthen them for the good of all? I have some ideas…