Monthly Archives: December 2025

What’s On My Mind and Books of 2025

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View from The Lodge at Whitefish Lake, Montana, September 2025

I recently posed the following to a voice actor I know:

Acting and medicine: What do you imagine are the overlapping aspects of our respective work?  I see it mostly in story—empathy for and holistic understanding of the full human experience, from the euphoric highs to the most sorrowful lows.  For both of us, to be truly excellent at our work, we must call forth real and sincere empathy from our own depths, which is vulnerable and courageous in a lot of ways, don’t you think?  For you, the stories are complete, and you get to interpret and bring them to life, to present them for our benefit.  I get to elicit the stories, coax them to emerge in real time, and interpret them along with my patients.  What stories do people tell about their health, their lives, their agency to influence it, and the outcomes they can/not achieve?  We get to dissect and discuss and then act on our shared interpretation.  We edit and revise together over time.  I’ve practiced 26 years now, aging and evolving alongside my patients, going through life with them.  Holy cow, what a privilege.  Your work is solitary; mine is in front of people all day long and then some (I’m on call 24/7 for my primary care patients).  People who (consume?) my work cannot help but know me, and I get immediate, real-time feedback on my effect and impact on them, good or bad (it’s mostly good 😊).  You get to choose how much we know you, and you may be totally anonymous to many, as I think most folks don’t readily identify specific audiobook narrators.  I hope (imagine) that you get enough positive feedback, validation, and reinforcement for your work! 😀  I also hope you get enough contact and connection with your colleagues.  I can always walk down the hall and consult mine on challenging cases or difficult encounters.  We are friends. My professional support network is at my elbow and fingertips; I hope yours is too!  I submit that we can always find similarities among any/all professions that involve humans interacting with humans, don’t you think?

I wrote this six weeks ago. Today I wonder: Is this how m/any of my colleagues, at least in primary care, see themselves? Is this how any of our patients perceive us? How much can any of us know about any others’ work, calling, and experience, just from being on the receiving end of it? Now all I want to do is convene gatherings of fellow physicians and patients to discuss!

In case you want more of what I long to discuss salon-style with my people, see excerpts below from Rainer Maria Rilke’s fourth letter to Franz Xaver Kappus. Please feel free to write your thoughts in the comments!

Now, to books of the year.

Key:
[Unfinished, not yet abandoned
[Abandoned]
Favorites
–Repeat listens –how many times
**Top 5
Romance novels are distinguished in blue on my personal document; sorry I cannot include text color here. Suffice it to say, they made the bulk of the list yet again. I needed more escape than deep thought from my book consumption this year; and I still do much better with audio than print on the initial pass. I leaned more heavily on old favorites for comfort in 2025; I have a plausible idea about why. The TBR/TBL continues to lengthen, and I happily use Audible credits to gift favorites to friends. Lots of good ones to dig into in the new year, and more reviews on the way.

Wishing all a meaningful and connecting holiday season! May your consumption in all domains be mindful and nourishing. May your most important ties tighten and strengthen while also freeing you to grow and evolve. May you hold hope ahead of cynicism and celebrate the brighter aspects of humanity loudly and colorfully when you witness them. May love light your way from within and without. May you never face adversity alone, and may you always feel secure in the unwavering support, encouragement, honesty, and accountability of those who love you most. Onward, friends. ODOMOBaaT.

Books 2025

  1. [The Fourth Turning, William Strauss/Neil Howe
  2. [Outlive, Peter Attia
  3. [The Art of Quiet Influence, Jocelyn Davis
  4. [Born Liars, Ian Leslie
  5. [Connie: A Memoir, Connie Chung
  6. [Want: Sexual Fantasies by Anonymous, Gillian Anderson
  7. Guns, Germs, and Steel, Jared Diamond
  8. The Will to Live and Other Mysteries, Rachel Naomi Remen
  9. [Possible, William Ury
  10. [Lust for Life, Irving Stone
  11. [The Left Hand of God, Paul Hoffman]
  12. [The Biology of Desire, Marc Lewis
  13. The Librarian and the Orc, Finley Fenn
  14. Dear Love, Grant Gosch–1
  15. I Never Thought of It That Way, Mónica Guzmán
  16. Throne of the Fallen, Kerrie Maniscalco
  17. —Dr. Off Limits, Louise Bay
  18. –Rory in a Kilt, Anna Durand–3
  19. –Sanguine, Sierra Simone – 11
  20. Trust: America’s Best Chance, Pete Buttigieg
  21. The Reluctant Billionaire, Sara Madderson
  22. –Duke of Depravity, Scarlett Scott
  23. Once the Skies Fade, Vanessa Rasanen
  24. This Woman, Jodi Ellen Malpas
  25. Happily Ever Aftered, Lili Valente & Pippa Grant
  26. Food For Thought, Alton Brown
  27. Viscount of Villainy, Scarlet Scott
  28. **The State of Affairs, Esther Perel
  29. Duke of Pryde, Mariah Stone
  30. –Wicked Conjuring, Sarah Piper
  31. [True Love, Robert Fulghum
  32. –Wicked Awakening, Sarah Piper
  33. –Sweet Liar, Laurelin Paige
  34. –Sweet Fate, Laurelin Paige
  35. –Wicked Devouring, Sarah Piper
  36. [Come As You Are, Jess K Hardy]
  37. –Wicked Ascending, Sarah Piper
  38. [The Witch’s Monsters Complete Series, Sarah Piper]
  39. Hosed, Lili Valente & Pippa Grant
  40. [Hammered, Lili Valente & Pippa Grant]
  41. –Duke of Rath, Mariah Stone
  42. –When the Duke Bought a Wife, Mariah Stone
  43. –All Duke and Bothered, Mariah Stone
  44. –Her Rake Fiancé, Mariah Stone
  45. –Project Duke, Mariah Stone
  46. –Betting Against the Scoundrel, Mariah Stone
  47. The Wolf King, Lauren Palphreyman
  48. The Moral Equivalent of War, William James
  49. –Baby Proposal, Evie Rose
  50. Devour the Dark, Nikki St. Crowe
  51. Rising Sun, Donna Grant
  52. Dark Heart, Donna Grant
  53. [How Minds Change, David McRaney
  54. [North Woods, Daniel Mason]
  55. Storm Wood, Donna Grant
  56. The Night Prince, Lauren Palphreyman
  57. –Cocktail, Lauren Smith
  58. The Muse, Lauren Blakely
  59. Broken Sword: The Complete Excalibur Duet, Kim Loraine
  60. **Never the Roses, Jennifer K Lambert–1
  61. Revenge of the Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell
  62. My Next Breath, Jeremy Renner
  63. Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, Oliver Burkeman
  64. Unholy Obsession, Stasia Black
  65. Obsession: Mate Games Book 1, K Loraine & Meg Anne
  66. –The Infinite Game, Simon Sinek
  67. –For Love of Magic, Simon R Green
  68. Crush, Ada Calhoune
  69. A Sinful Gift, Emma Castle
  70. In His Silks, Patricia D Eddy
  71. Christmas Silks, Patricia D Eddy
  72. A Knight in Shining Armor, Jude Deveraux
  73. Polysecure, Jessica Fern
  74. Coming Up Short, Robert Reich
  75. Honor, Kristen Proby
  76. Who Is Mr. Satoshi?, Jonathan Lee
  77. Why We Love, Helen Fisher
  78. What a Duke Dares, Anna Campbell
  79. [The Well at the World’s End, AJ Mackinnon
  80. How to Change, Katy Milkman
  81. [Moral Ambition, Rutger Bregman
  82. Set Piece, Lana Schwartz
  83. The Anatomy Lesson, Nina Siegal
  84. A Scoundrel by Moonlight, Anna Campbell
  85. The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk, MD
  86. [Existential Kink, Carolyn Elliott, PhD
  87. –The Punishment of Ivy Leavold, Sierra Simone
  88. –Supplicant, Sierra Simone
  89. Throne of Secrets, Kerri Maniscalco
  90. [The Messengers of Magic, Jessica Dodge]
  91. [Romancing the Shadow, Dr. Connie Zweig & Dr. Steve Wolf
  92. One More Gift, Holly June Smith—print then audio
  93. All Fours, Miranda July
  94. –Cheeky Royal, Nana Malone
  95. –Cheeky King, Nana Malone
  96. [Embers In the Snow, Anna Carven
  97. [Careless People, Sarah Wynn-Williams
  98. [An Ember in the Ashes, Sabaa Tahir]
  99. Last First Kiss, Carrie Ann Ryan
  100. **North Queen, Nicola Tyche—1
  101. **Shadow Queen, Nicola Tyche–1
  102. **War Queen, Nicola Tyche–1
  103. [Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke, translation by MD Herter Norton
  104. The Resurrectionist of Caligo, Wendy Trimboli & Alicia Zaloga
  105. Oops Baby for the Mafia Boss, Evie Rose
  106. The Hidden Brain, Shankar Vedantam
  107.  Hello Darling, Kayley Loring
  108. Dangerous, Nora Ash
  109. The Moon and His Tides, Giana Darling
  110. Reign of a King, Rina Kent
  111. The Secrets We Hide, Berlin Wick
  112. [Hathor and the Prince, JJ McAvoy

Worpswede, near Bremen,
16th July, 1903.

Here, where a mighty land is about me, here I feel that no human being can answer for you those questions and feelings which have a life of their own in the depth of your heart, for even the best use words wrongly when they want to give them the most delicate and almost inexpressible meaning…

If you attach yourself to Nature, to the simple and small in her, which hardly anyone sees, but which can so unexpectedly turn into the great and the immeasurable, if you have this love for what is slight and try quite simply as a servant to win the confidence of what appears to you poor, then everything will become easier for you, more uniform and somehow more reconciling, not perhaps in the understanding, which holds back in amazement, but in your innermost consciousness, watchfulness and knowledge. You are so young, all beginning is so far in front of you, and I should like to beg you earnestly to have patience with all unsolved problems in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms, or books that are written in a foreign tongue. Do not search now for the answers, which cannot be given you, because you could not live them. That is the point, to live everything. Now you must live your problems. And perhaps gradually, without noticing it, you will live your way into the answer some distant day. Perhaps you actually have in you the possibility of moulding and shaping, as a particularly blessed and pure form of life; train yourself in it—but take what comes in complete trust, and, as long as it comes from your own will, from some need or other of your inner self, then take it for itself and hate nothing…

…Rejoice in your growth, into which you can take no one with you, and be good to those who remain behind. Be assured and peaceful in their presence, do not torture them with your doubts and do not frighten them with your confidence or your joy, which they could not comprehend. Seek some kind of simple, true communion with them, which need not change as you yourself become ever different…

But your loneliness will be a support and a home to you in the midst of unsympathetic surroundings, and out of it you will find all the ways of your life. All my good wishes are ready to accompany you, and my confidence is with you.

Yours,
RAINER MARIA RILKE.
Translated by K.W. Maurer

Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke
Rilke, Rainer Maria. Letters to a Young Poet. Trans. K.W. Maurer. London: Langley & Sons. The Euston Press, N.W.I., 1943 (public domain)

Bibliography

What Does Love Make Us?

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https://www.nicolatyche.com/

“Love makes one weak.” –Soren, War Queen, Nicola Tyche

What think you, friends? Do you agree?

I respectfully disagreed as soon as I heard it the first time (I binged the series twice in a row–looking forward to writing more about it here soon) and each time since (I listen to exerpts repeatedly when the mood strikes), the line prompts me to counter more excitedly. So here is my partial list of what love does make us. What would you add?

Vulnerable.
At risk of being hurt or harmed due to exposure or lack of armor. To many, this equates with weakness. But is it really the same? Love can make us feel endangered, undefended, unarmed, and open to risk of disappointment, pain, abandonment, etc. Vulnerability feels soft and susceptible. And yes, it can seem like weakness. But if we get still and feel into our love, is it weakness that we sense? What does vulnerability in love actually feel like in mind, body, and spirit? I submit that it is giddy, tense, anticipatory, and maybe anxious. It’s a high energy state with an outward facing posture, no? What if we reframed ‘weakness’ in this context as ‘hopeful vulnerability, open to the possibility of harm in service of the great potential for connection’? As Brené Brown writes and says often, vulnerability is the foundation of courage.

Courageous.
Just think of all the brave things love makes us do. We stand up for our loved ones against bullies. The most introverted among us profess our love out loud and in public. We advocate for our most meaningful and heartfelt causes with conviction when love drives. This foundation of courage fuels us from a deeper place, and it is self-sustaining. I think of parental love here more than anything–Lorenzo’s Oil and stay-at-the-intensive-care- bedside-holding-your-baby’s-foot-because-it’s-the-only-part-of-his-body-not-covered-with-lines-or-monitors kind of love. Love makes us strong.

Powerful.
The most memorable and important human movements I can think of are all founded in love. Martin Luther King’s civil rights leadership and LGBTQ advocacy come to mind first. Love is love. That anyone has to fight for the right to live in full expression of their love boggles me. Here we are at the end of 2025 and the fight persists, and I am heartened that the pro-love movement in all its forms continues to show up in strength and power. There may always be opposition, and I am confident that love will always raise us to the challenge to overcome it.

Forgive.
I think this is true. Some of us may be more forgiving by nature, or more so in certain situations. But wronged in the same way by different people, I’m much more willing to forgive if I love you. There is something about the loving relationship, something about preserving the connection, that makes me repair ruptures much more willingly.

Willing.
Come to think of it, I’m much more willing to do a lot of things because I love, aren’t you?

Selfless.
Love makes us put others before ourselves. Parental, romantic, fraternal, platonic, Agape alike–think of all your favorite examples of altruism and sacrifice. Do they not all arise from some form of love? Just think if this were not the case–if love didn’t exist or didn’t have this effect on us. We’d all live in a world of utterly selfish competition, default assholery in front. Yuck.

Grow.
Love makes us stick with things and people. We choose perseverance over escape, at least some of the time. So if we pay attention and work to overcome conflict, if we engage and learn our and others’ patterns, then we grow. We change and evolve, even as we settle more and more into our core selves. Root down and branch out. Awesome.

Better.
Is there anything that makes us better more than love? Empathy, compassion, kindness, generosity, curiosity, humaneness; education, achievement, connection, security–all of these are either grounded in love or secondary to love in importance for our betterment as individuals and society alike.

What if we expressed and acknowledged love more explicitly in more domains? It feels natural in families and among friends, of course. I also love my patients and my colleagues. I made a new friend last week, an executive coach, who expresses love for his clients–he serves as kind and loving truth teller for them, and to hear him describe himself this way just made my heart sing. It’s one thing to operate by default from a place of love, something too few of us do. It’s another level up to consciously own it, profess it, to lead and live all the way into it with intention and purpose.

Oh no, love does not make us weak, dear Soren. I love you and you are, arguably, the strongest character in the trilogy. Your love at all levels makes every other character respect, follow, and love you back with the ardent loyalty and conviction that saves you all.

Love makes us everything good that his human. May we embrace and exude it, my friends.

Lever Arms, Body Mass, Power, and Leadership

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First seen on a social media post by Simon Sinek; please let me know whom to credit!

What makes you an asset to the team? How do you know? How does your leader know?
Does your leader know?

Friend Mark came with me to Ethos last weekend for the last conditioning workout of the block. We pulled the skiers and rowers side by side for 200-300m or 90 seconds, whichever came first, among other movements. No matter how fast I pulled, he still finished at least twenty to thirty seconds before me. Pushing the 215# sleds down and back on the turf, you’d think his weighed almost nothing the way he zipped along, compared to my Sisyphian effort. But I didn’t feel too bad about myself. I’m 5’2″ and 145#; he’s got at least a foot and 60# on me, I’m sure. I marveled briefly at our juxtaposition and just reveled in the fun of having my friend with me in one of my favorite places.

Today, back on the skier and rower, I thought again about our physical differential while pulling, varying my method between leading with legs, back, and arms. I wondered if I’d be an asset or a liability on a rowing team? Is it generally advantageous for rowers to be tall, so they get more distance per pull from their longer lever arms and leg extensions? Could I ever find a rowing method that could compensate for my much shorter limbs? Does my lower body mass give the team any advantage, and if so would it make up for the limb length deficit? How could I maximize my power to contribute? What are the ideal physics of a heterogeneous crew habitus? How could this team win consistently?

It all got me thinking about leadership, naturally.

How do we all contribute from our strengths? How do our leaders identify our strengths and amplify them, then place us in positions of complement and synergy for the good of all?

This requires more attention, thought, intent, creativity, and work than most leaders consider to be their jobs, no? It requires relationship. I must know you to find your true strengths; I must know the whole team to see how we all fit together, where we grind and where we glide. When I do this, you are much more likely to feel seen and valued. I can enlist each person to identify not just their own strengths but one another’s. Proactively synergizing our respective gifts can bond the team in mutual respect and collaboration. My effort, then, is worth the rewards in loyalty and willingness to sacrifice, because we all feel in it together.

Leaders who are willing to do this cultivate cohesive teams who can withstand adversity with confidence and grit. We can call on one another’s superpowers with humility and collegiality, knowing we shine brightest when we all shine together, rather than always trying to outshine one another.

Honesty and transparency stand out as core values here. If I really wanted to row and understood why that would not serve my team, if I were told kindly how I could contribute meaningfully in other ways that also align with my strengths, I’d be much more willing to pivot and still participate fully. That would require my team leader to take time and energy to communicate clearly and completely. I think this is not too much to ask. We should expect it, train it, and hold leaders accountable for it with specific, relevant, and regular feedback.

If the default assumption is that everyone has a worthwhile contribution to make regardless of limb length, body mass or other attribute, and leaders actively help team members identify and amplify their strengths, then that contribution will manifest from each and all of us fully and for the greatest good.
What a wonderful exercise on possibility, no?