Category Archives: communication

Walking the Talk

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

Where do you fall into dogma traps?

Back in March I told friends not to wear masks in public.  I was angry at people for hoarding PPE for personal use when hospital workers did not have enough.  My classmates sewed cloth masks for nurses while people perused grocery stores wearing N95s around their chins.  I stated my opinions strongly and ate those words later.

This week I find myself softening previously strong opinions about in person school and personal gatherings.  I have successfully sought varying perspectives on these issues, and not always so successfully incorporated contrary information into my perspective.  At the end of summer I could not imagine how hordes of kids could be brought back to school safely.  Now I have seen multiple accounts of schools and universities that did it safely.  The keys:  Cogent plans based on local conditions; heavy investment of myriad resources; and constant, clear communication.  While I worry increasingly about family gatherings for the holidays, it looks like restaurants, bars, and churches may still be the chief culprits of the current COVID surge.

I still get a little palpitative hearing some patients’ plans for Thanksgiving, and picturing college students coming home this week.  It could be bad. But thinking in broad, overgeneralized terms, and especially making skeptical assumptions about people and their motives, doesn’t help anything.  I just get grumpy, and my neck hurts.  We messaged our patients about how to do the holidays safely.  Though not quarantining, many have tried earnestly to minimize exposures in advance of gathering.  It could be okay, maybe.

We are all doing our best.  I speak and write about withholding judgment and being present with generosity.  Now is a good time to hold myself accountable to that standard.

Men’s Health and Misogyny

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

“Today is International Men’s Day!  How should we celebrate?”

I saw this posted on a progressive women’s Facebook group today.  In that context, I inferred the question to be sarcastic.  Most comments responded in kind.  My knee jerk reaction aligned—why celebrate the patriarchy?  Burn it down, women say.

Why do some of us feel such instant, visceral disdain at the idea of celebrating men for a day?  Could it be centuries of oppression and institutional misogyny, physically, politically, and otherwise?  Though we may know individual men who are kind, generous, and non-abusive, maybe we still feel the stifling weight of cultural male dominance on our consciousness every. damn. day.

I explored the International Men’s Day (IMD) website.  The group aims to promote men’s health, listing five statistical health challenges for men, including shorter life expectancy and higher suicide rate.  Their objectives include highlighting discrimination against men and improving gender relations/promoting gender equality.  I find multiple articles supporting the former, and none for the latter.  But maybe it doesn’t matter.  I can wholeheartedly endorse evidence-based initiatives that promote cancer screening and mental health support for men.  I also uphold and justify my right to guard against insidious misogyny that promotes men’s health and advancement at the expense of the same for women. 

Men feel discriminated against.  Huh.  Is the argument that women suffer discrimination through financial and status deficit, while men pay with their very lives?  If that’s the premise I’m not sure I buy it, but it’s worth exploring.

So, I have work to do.  What a fantastic opportunity to confront my own assumptions, biases, and narratives.  I can celebrate men and advocate for their equality… As long as they celebrate women and  advocate for ours.

Refining the Personal Vision Statement

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

“I, Cathy Cheng, living and working at my highest and best, am Honest, Curious, Generous, Humble, and Kind, so that I can cultivate the best possible relationships with and between all people.”

How does this statement land?  On me, not on you.  Well, maybe a little on you—is this how you experience me at my highest and best?  The personal vision statement is just that—personal.  It’s my own beacon to navigate life’s storms.  But what good is it if it’s only for me?  Shouldn’t it also be the light I emanate  to make my best contributions in this one brief existence? 

Thanks to Braver Angels pal Sharon Kristjanson and her Engaging With Difference class, I have protected time these two months to spelunk this inner work.  Sweet!  Though I have had a Why statement for a while, it’s high time to test and refine it.  How does it hold up when relationships get really hard?  What does it mean to be honest all the time?  To be generous and humble when I’m tempted not to?  What is the shadow side of curiosity?

It’s deep work, but not necessarily heavy. I’m not drafting a final life mantra for my headstone. I’m noodling with a saying that fits at the same time like my most comfy pajama pants and my most flattering black dress. I am my own best seamstress, taking in and letting out as my relational habitus changes over time and experience. I’m always me, with evolving roles, tasks, and projects. Playing lightly and lovingly with words, purpose, and meaning, in whatever context surrounds me, with a trusty journal and smooth-writing pen…this is an ideal weeknight! Adaptive. Resourceful. Connected. Possibility. Oh yeah, this is gonna be awesome.