Category Archives: leadership

Up and Accountable, You Hold Me

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

What if Yoda sang love songs?  Does it not brighten your day just thinking about it?

Who holds you up?  Who holds you accountable?  Do they do it with love?  If you’re lucky like me and the same people do all three, you possess a rare gift.  I learned this again today and the realization sustained me, even through some hard conversations and decisions.

* * * * *

“I feel like garbage after I talk to her,” a friend told me today.  We commiserated around our mutual acquaintance, Dolores*.  Dolores constantly focuses on the negative—how we could always do this or that better, how this or that thing is never right.  She nit-picks and dissects.  It’s hard to be around Dolores; her positive to negative interaction ratio is 0 to infinity—or at least it feels that way. 

We like Apollo* better.   He consistently notices and shows us the good we do.  He points out our strengths to others.  And it’s not lip service—he truly sees, appreciates, and acknowledges how we contribute—we feel his sincerity and gratitude.  His ratio approaches 5 to 1, which is an important sign (driver?) of healthy relationships.

And Apollo’s 1’s, what are those about?  He tests us, makes us uncomfortable sometimes.  We clash with him sometimes on how to walk the talk, on the methods we choose to manifest our mission.  But because our relationships are healthy, because we know our ties are stronger than our tensions, we can negotiate in good faith.  We challenge one another to live up to our ideals—to defend our methods–we hold each other accountable, and we all benefit.

Like I said, lucky.

*not their real names

Exponential Risk

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

Things are looking really bad again, folks.  Illinois saw more than 10,000 new COVID cases for the fourth day in a row.  Between the first and third weeks of October, COVID inpatient census rose 500% in one metropolitan hospital system, and it’s still climbing.  At this rate, we may run out of ICU beds by Thanksgiving.

I had more calls today about COVID (symptoms and/or exposures) than any day since the pandemic started.  Every call takes time to explain the profound importance of distancing, masking, and minimizing contacts, then the logistics of quarantine, testing, and contact tracing.  It’s totally straight forward in some ways, and completely convoluted in others. 

With rapidly escalating disease prevalence, every unmasked contact with a non-household (or ‘pod’) member carries exponential risk.  You breathe on me, I breathe on you.  We have now exposed each other to everybody we have each contacted in the past 14 days—we have merged our bubbles irrevocably in this one encounter, endangering everyone in each bubble and all of their extended contacts.  It cannot be undone.  This is the nature of a pandemic. 

I understand how hard it all is—how inconvenient, fatiguing, disruptive, and maddening.  Our masking and distancing, missing friends and activities, restricting our kids’ social lives, is all immediately and concretely costly to us, and only distantly and abstractly beneficial to others (and us).  Still, it is what we can do to slow the spread of a deadly virus that has infected more than 10 million Americans, and will have killed more than 240,000 of us by tomorrow.

Avoid these 9 pitfalls to stay safe.

If you want to pod, follow this guide closely. 

We can stop all paths of the virus through us.  But it takes all of us.

For Real — Go High

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

Four years ago I started experiencing contempt from some people.  “Trumped That Bitch” and other pejoratives reverberated.  Daughter asked earnestly if we, natural born citizens, would be deported.  Random people asked me if I speak English, and people who look like me all across the country were yelled at, by total strangers, to go back to China.  We have been verbally and physically assaulted with escalating frequency since then.

Today, my phone vibrated with celebratory text threads.  Friend Unicorn labelled the experience a collective catharsis.  That made me consider… “I hope we can be less vindictive than the other side was last time,” I replied.  Friend Pegasus wrote back, “I believe we will be because the person leading will promote it.”  Exactly.  Leaders set the example.  Character really matters.  My friends and I feel soothed already, like we can finally take a breath and a pee break, refreshed for the next leg on the race toward progress.  Kamala Harris’s and Joe Biden’s speeches tonight further lifted our hopes and enthusiasm for healing and reconciliation.

I thought of my conservative friends throughout the day and evening, wondering how they’re doing.  I checked in with a few.  Some expressed disappointment and grief.  I can relate.  I also remember worrying about and praying for the Obamas’ safety immediately after the Grant Park celebration in 2008, and still do today.  Flashes of fear for Biden’s and especially Harris’s safety flared tonight. 

74 days until transfer of power.  Will it be peaceful?  I believe we each have more agency over this than we think.  Ignore agitators—give them no platform.  Amplify and uplift the peacemakers.  We’ve got serious work to do, together.  Stay focused; allow no distractions.  Go High—really—for all our sakes.