Category Archives: parenting

On the Eve of Re-Entry

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https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-59390446

Does the Great British Baking Show make you cry?

Daughter and I watched most of Season 9 (2021) this weekend and I teared up more times than all of 2025 combined. I sat down to write about it, then realized I did that already, back in 2019. So now what? Blog, Cheng. Write what’s on the mind.

Tomorrow I return to work for the first time since New Year’s Eve. 18 days off. I last took this much time away in 2021, a five month leave of absence for family crisis. Wow. I thank my lucky stars for colleagues who so generously cover, so I may leave in total confidence. Here on the eve of re-entry, I feel strongly ambivalent–eager to resume my professional identity and also reluctant to exit the bliss of vacation.

Son and Daughter were home for five and six weeks, respectively, perhaps the longest we have all been together since Son started college in 2022. We took a family trip to London, then Son and I went to Colorado together. I got quality time with both kids, all together and one-on-one. I shake my head at the gift, heart full to bursting. I also see their sibling relationship evolving, which warms me. My momness heart was made for adult children. The bulk of hands-on parenting is complete and now I get to reap the rewards, hallelujah. I did okay; they’re okay!

Son returned to college yesterday; Daughter goes back in two days. I miss them both now more than ever–what is that about? When they were both home for Thanksgiving, twelve weeks after emptying the nest, I realized afresh how anxious I am about their health and well-being when they are here. Out of sight, out of mind is not necessarily a bad thing in parenting, I thought sheepishly. So I knew to expect it this holiday, and managed it a little better, yay! Son has proven himself independent and capable for years now, and Daughter managed herself remarkably maturely her first semester of college. I can safely and confidently loosen my watchful grip and step more fully into advisor mode. Wow.

Everything changes. I should have known that this new life phase would be a longer transition than just those first few months of lone couplehood again after 22 years of 24/7 parenting. It was positively blissful, and these past weeks of whole family togetherness required more psychological adjustment than I had anticipated. I make no assumptions now–how will I feel come Wednesday, when it will be another seven weeks before Kids return? I hold my psyche open to any response. Son will live at home this summer for the first time in four years–three whole months! I cannot wait. If Daughter comes home too, holy cow. We will all re-negotiate new family dynamics–bring it! My conversations and observations with both of them this break make me so proud and grateful–they are my people–curious, creative, sensitive, and mature. I relish the chance to witness their further growth and development.

Bake Off, with its loving and creative connections forged among contestants while they rise to repeated challenges together, this amazing expression of all that is good about people and bringing out our potential for one another, stirs all that I hold dear for myself, my children, my patients, friends, colleagues and the world. Take the risk. Do your best. Support others in doing the same. No wonder it makes me cry.

2026 feels portentious, more so than recent new years. I feel a strong desire to be even more mindful, intentional, alert, and aware of my attention and expenditures. The Opal app continues to mitigate my social media use. I feel less driven now to post and share, and it’s a very good thing. I intend to write a lot more this year. I will do some deeper inner work with Grant Gosch. I will complete at least one, good, unassisted pull up! I will continue to nurture and cultivate the relationships that matter most, and also open myself to any new connections that emerge with that cosmic twinkle I recognize so well. I will trust myself to know when I know, to hold on or let go according to my now well-trained, middle aged intuition.

It’s all good. Maybe I should take a few weeks off at the beginning of every year?

What Transitions Call Forth

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“The future can be so distracting, don’t you think? *sigh* All of my mindfulness skills are called forth in this time of transition– HEY! Blog post! :D”

Everybody knows that Daughter is going to college in two weeks. Becuase it’s all I can talk about when people ask me how I’m doing. It’s all I can think about unless otherwise occupied. My head swims with anticipation, anxiety, joy, pride, fear, love, and all kinds of fantasy and dreaming. I’m sure I was the same when Son started college, and it’s also very different this time around.

Life as usual does not slow down just because our family has a momentous impending transition. I still have patients to see, meals to plan, groceries to buy, presentations to prepare, and blog posts to write! All those future-oriented emotions pull my attention and energy ever forward, flinging me in circles of distraction and procrastination.

I’m happy to report, however, that I manage it better this time. I breathe. I make lists and prioritize them in order of importance and optimal timing. I breathe. If I can’t focus enough for this task right now, I find something else to do and come back. I’m more willing to detach a while, move the body, hydrate, have some fun, and return refreshed. I open and attune to inspiration and synthesis from anyone and anywhere, at anytime. I flow much more than force these days, and everything is better. Energy expenditure is efficient and effective, and I’m happier.

It all gets done. It’s all okay. One Breath at a Time.

Mindfulness.
Attention.
Intention.
Flexibility.
Awareness.
Regulation.
Honesty.
Connection.
Courage.

Do transitions increase in frequency and intensity with age? It sure feels like it to me these days. But of course my perspective is skewed at the moment. My 30s and 40s felt stable, routine–even mundane? Really?

I turn 52 in a couple weeks. 50 felt like a big deal, a turning point; this birthday feels even more so. How fascinating. I wonder what next year will feel like? There I go, casting myself into the future again! Honestly, who knows what anything will be like by then, and whether I’ll even make it that far! Anything can happen, life is short and unpredictable.

So I choose to revel in the now, do my best now, and act boldly on impulses to connect in kindness, joy, laughter, empathy, music, fitness, nerdiness, aspiration, and any other human experience that moves me with energy that nourishes, now.

Another work week commences. 15 days to launch. ODOMOBaaT. We’ GOT this.

Recognize. Rest. Regulate.

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“When you’re stressed out you think the marriage is bad.”

Hubs had this insight about me years ago and I immediately dismissed it as ridiculous. Thankfully months (years?) later I admitted the accuracy of his assessment and have worked to recognize the phenomenon in real time, so as to self-regulate and avoid immersing in false stories, making myself and others suffer unnecessarily.

So what story do I tell about the emotional roller coaster that was this past week? I had a ‘this marriage sucks’ moment some weeks ago and nipped it; I think I can avoid that hole in the sidewalk more reliably now. Yesterday felt particularly low, and I scrambled to make sense of it–the physician’s diagnostic and therapeutic mind taking over. The rabbit hole beckoned. But as of tonight I can put down the dissection tools. Life calls me to just be in it, whatever it is, without judgment, resistance, or exposition, for now. But I thought I’d document the thought and emotion journey here, for my own records, and also to see if anyone else can relate.

It all started 8 days ago when I realized suddenly that I would drive Daughter to college in six (now five) weeks. In one of those rapid cinematic zoom-in moments of the mind, everything about my life changed in that heartbeat; a new, irrevocable perspective emerged and disrupted everything, even as I had thought myself flowing with life’s predictable evolution rather smoothly. As if called forth by magic, strong and conflicting emotions rose in a whirlwind and began a multidimensional tug of war with my psyche in the ensuing days.

Excitement: Now after twenty-two years of primary parenthood, the last paragraphs of this chapter are only a few pages away–how will Kids and I write them? It’s been long and arduous, fraught and heavy with responsibility and fear of failure, my Book of Parenting. It’s also inarticulably rewarding and edifying–talk about the headwinds that shape us–I could not be happier about how we’ve all turned out. My children have made me a deeper, more thoughtful, more empathetic, smarter, and stronger person that I imagine I would otherwise be. I cannot wait to watch them thrive in adulthood; they are ready and powerful.

Guilt: But what about all of my parenting fuck-ups? When and how will those come back to bite us all in the butt, and hard? Whenever I admire my kids with pride and joy, guilt always lurks somewhere in the bushes nearby. *sigh* Oh well, what’s done is done; all I can do now is continue to learn and apply, and apologize and ask for forgiveness when needed.

Optimism: Dinner with an old college friend mid-week revealed our shared attitude toward artificial intelligence–one of immense potential and serious concern that self-serving and short-term reward and profit-driven impulses will overtake collaborative and holistic ones in its development and applications. We resolved, therefore, to combine our platforms somehow to amplify and advocate for the latter, and to find and rally fellow early adopters of that cause.

Self-loathing: This one is acute. Remember when I wrote how I’m getting okay with being squishy and strong? I did not lie, but as with so many things, my feeling brain does not agree with my thinking brain. As of today, I hate my appearance, especially the shape of my body as I see it in photographs. When I look in the mirror with clothes on, I honestly think I look okay. Not as lean as I’d like and as I once was, but not horrible. Then I look at pictures and absolutely cringe. How fascinating! Even as I feel stable, strong, flexible, agile, and resilient in my body, even as I recognize my remarkably healthy constitution, both physical and psychological, I cannot seem to shake this one severe self-judgment–at least for now.
*deep breath*

So the marriage is fine, my stress mind says. But now I’m not at all good enough myself?
How fascinating again.

Middle age. Menopause. Impending empty nest. Severe geopolitical chaos and uncertainty. Deep and meaningful connections and relationships. Rising liberation and agency in expertise and wisdom. “No longer stupid, not yet infirm.”

I recognize the laden morass of intersecting contexts of my life, its weight and density.
I resolve to rest my mind and spirit, to breathe deeply. I can be with and get through it, to find my most authentic and honest way, one breath at a time.
I can regulate my thoughts, stories, words, actions, reactions, and relationships according to my values and integrity. I can live a life with low risk for severe regrets, if I slow down, be, and do me.
Everything is and will be okay.