Category Archives: personal growth

Continuity

Posted on by
Reply

I know you.

It has taken time.
Our initial meeting may or may not have facilitated it.
You may or may not have made it easy.
I persisted.
And now we have been through things together.
It has been well worth the effort and energy.

You know me.
This is easy, as I wear my heart on my sleeve–always have.
It doesn’t take much to know me; but I don’t let just anybody in.
I give the benefit of the doubt; I also trust my protective instincts.

Time.
There is no substitute.
And it’s not enough.
Knowing requires engagement, intentional and volitional.
Time helps, providing opportunity, enabling continuity.

With enough time and encounters, knowing emerges organically.
Over years and decades it becomes intuitive, if we pay attention.

I see you. I think of you when I see things you like.
I hear you–not just when you speak, but when you cross my mind.
I anticipate your words and expressions in response to ideas and opinions.
I know you.

Knowing and feeling known nourish us.
No matter the context.
We are wired to connect–to one another, our fellow humans.
Meeting over and again, small and big moments alike, each building on the last.
Memories accumulating, recollections shared.

Life unfolds.
We are who we are at our core, and continue to be so.
We also learn, grow, and evolve.
Change and stay the same.
Those who know us see no contradiction here.
Rather, known in our wholeness over time, in continuity, we all make sense.

This season, may we reflect on and consider how we know and are known.
May we find the courage and resolution to express and connect in depth and meaning.
May we practice openness, curiosity, non-judgment, and acceptance more than other things.
May our relationships strengthen and tighten in the best ways.

In this life, our relationships save us.
Continuity of connection, if we have the fortune, is a priceless gift.
Let us not take it for granted.

Bit Post: Squishy and Strong

Posted on by
7
Last week’s last set: 10 reps, 130#

4 x 10: 95-125-135-145#
(last set actually x 11)

I PR’d my trap bar deadlift today, woohooooooo!! I can now reliably lift at least my own body weight, and it was not that hard!

I knew it was possible so I asked my friends to take a video– Thanks, Elle! The last PR was some weeks ago, 135#, 6 reps; I remember it feeling moderately difficult but not impossible, so I looked forward to this block to advance the weight. Today, in the third and final week of this program, I was confident. And I killed it, if I do say so myself (I even got in one extra rep at the end, having lost count and wanting to make sure I did all ten)! I feel strong!

The day unfolded one task after another, and I only saw the video hours later.
First thought: Look at all those cutaneous fat rolls, eew! Gymwear does not necessarily flatter the perimenopausal body, I say–especially when it was purchased a decade before said menopause began, HA!

But you know what? I’m okay with it. I have pulled and pushed more weight the past week–the past 20 months, actually–than I have in my entire life. I have made remarkable progress and learned so much about my body. I’ve had pain (my body ‘talking to me’, as Jacob says) in my left glute, right forearm, left knee, low back, and right shoulder. I can always modify a movement to protect a vulnerable spot while still strengthening it, thanks to my amazing coaches. Now I need to work on grip strength (hello dead hang, omg) so I can keep loading for more weight and reps, woohooooooooo!

So really, who cares if I’m a little squishy on the outside? I carry it well.

I am well on my way to being a Strong Old Lady. I feel great body, mind, and spirit, and that’s what matters. And I can shop for more flattering clothes if I want.

To my fellow old-ish ladies: Keep pushing. Find your people. Let your body surprise you with its capacity and resilience. Have fun!

Life is short and we are here to cheer one another on!

Squishy and Strong, my friends. It’s all good.

Humans

Posted on by
4
Pietà, Michelangelo, Rome, Italy. Photo by Phara Blair

“Partnership with a good dog has millions of advantages over partnership with even the best human being.”
—Bride and Groom, Susan Conant

What would you write, given ten minutes with this prompt?

Below is my take, and then some reflections.
Thanks to friend Joan for choosing the prompt, and for hosting Sara and me for another Mallon Writers session the other evening. We’re coming up on a year as a group, and I am so grateful for these women.

Humans.

We are remarkable–remarkably creative, resourceful, intelligent, and SHITTY.
We are wired to connect; we crave it, require it. And yet we are terrible at it too often.

How can we reconcile this paradox?
Every day we can find myriad examples of both the immense kindness and altruism, and also the most unspeakably heinous violence and destruction–all visited by us on ourselves.

FASCINATING.

What determines our behavior?

Do we each believe ourselves capable of the highest and lowest that humans can do? I do.

I believe that under certain circumstances, any given person has the potential to behave in any given way. To me, this is the most realistic and humble way to approach human nature. We think we know so much; and yet the vast majority of our behaviors and relationships are driven by how we feel. And we are largely, I think willfully, blind to this reality. Most of us live our lives far from the extremes of human altruism and violence, but I think it’s our denial of the potential of both within all/each of us that facilitates the expression of the worst by some of us.

How would the world operate if we were just a lot (or even a little) more honest about our shadows? About our light?

How interesting that the best and worst of both aspects of our nature are so unsafe to share, to remotely acknowledge the possible existence of?

Humans. We are complex, emotional beings who delude ourselves into thinking we are rational, and we oversimplify to avoid discomfort.

Oh well, it is what it is; we are what we are. Amazing–and maybe not?–that we have survived as long as we have.

Altruistic and malevolent.
Collective and individualistic.
Fit in and stand out.
Masculine and feminine.

Readers of this blog know how I embrace and relish a good, integrative paradox. The older I get the more deeply I appreciate complexity, nuance, and the importance of context and circumstance. My mounting enthusiasm for it all seems to fly counter to prevailing cultural winds wherein overgeneralization, oversimplification, and refusal to recognize, let alone tolerate or engage with complexity seem to stymie our leaders and systems with alarmingly powerful force.

Where are the leaders who can not only dance gracefully with complexity, but also lead us by example doing it?

Some days I can’t decide if I’m a cynic or an optimist. I know I’m both, and I lean net optimist. I think we are all both; thankfully we don’t all lean cynic for too long at the same time. We all hold the tension within ourselves, swayed one way or another at any given time by myriad simultaneous variables. It is what it is; we are what we are. We have survived for thousands of years and yet, thousands–even hundreds–more are not guaranteed by any means. It all depends on how we–individually and collectively–decide to treat one another and our planet, both today and forever.

So, we shall see. Anything can happen.